Dirty Secrets (Get Dirty 4)

There’s a small bed, barely larger than a cot, really, but most of the back wall is dominated by a wide folding table, and on top of it are four computer monitors, all of them flat and dark.

The meaning flashes in my mind and I gasp. No . . . no way. I turn to him, furious. “Are you fucking kidding me, Dom? Are you spying on me?”

A cold shiver runs through my body as I pray that I’m wrong. Let this not be anything like that. Please.

Instead of answering, Dominick clicks a switch on a central box and the screens flash to life, each one showing . . . my apartment. The screens are split, my parking space and car in the garage, my front door, and more.

I gasp, horrified at the invasion of my privacy, and reach out to touch the screen showing my bed, the sheets and pillows still mussed from where we just fucked.

Dominick stands tall, his hands behind his back, almost like he’s awaiting my judgment, like he knows this is beyond the pale. He’d told me it was too soon, and maybe I should’ve believed him. But I don’t think I would’ve ever been ready for this.

“What is this, Dominick?” I whisper, not able to find all the right words.

His eyes cut to mine, cold and fierce. “I protect what is mine, Allison. And you’ve been mine for a long time. We both know that. I love you, and you love me too.”

The words hit hard, more steel than silk this time, and for the first time, I can really see the man that others see in Dominick. The monster.

It’s what he’s shown the rest of the world but never me. Now, though, he has slipped into that persona, so distant and unfeeling, when this is the moment I need him most. It infuriates me.

I rage at him, pressing on his chest, the muscles hard and unyielding under my pounding fists. “How long, Dominick? How long have you been watching me like this? Do you sit up here in your little hidey-hole, watching me eat dinner, dance, clean? Do you watch me fucking myself and jack off like a perv? This is wrong! It’s a violation of everything we have, do you get that? Or had, because I can’t live like this. You’re not my boyfriend. You’re a fucking stalker whose dream is finally coming true, isn’t it? I guess you pulled one over on me.”

I collapse, the tears bursting free, burning like acid down my cheeks as I bury my face in my hands, muttering to myself. “So fucking stupid, Allison. Should’ve known . . . just a stripper. He’s a monster.”

He roars, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me lightly to get my attention. If it were anyone else, I’d be afraid, but even in this pit of hell, I don’t think he’ll hurt me, not physically, anyway. But considering he just smashed my heart to pieces, maybe my faith in him is just another sign of how stupid I am, how naïve I am for believing he could love me and that I knew him.

Dom’s voice is angry, fury dripping from every word, but it’s not directed at me . . . it’s directed at himself. “You are too good for the pity party woe is me shit. Stop it. You’ve worked too hard to let those thoughts have purchase in your mind again. You are a beautiful, strong, brilliant light. And I’m the one who’s the darkness. I should have stayed away, pushed you away, but I just wanted a bit of your sun. You’re right, I’m a monster, and I never told you otherwise. I will be until the day I die. But I do love you, and you have given me more happiness than I possibly deserve. But I’m a selfish bastard, Allison, and I want more. I want you. Forever. I love you. But I live in this world where I have to be The Boss . . . or I die.”

I’m a tornado of thoughts and emotions, not sure which way is left or right or what to make of his words, so I latch on to the last thing he said.

“I know you’re The Boss, but this is so much more than that!” I cry out, pushing all four monitors from the desk in a destructive warpath. “I could have accepted that! But I wanted US!” I snatch the laptop I think controls all of it and hurl it across the room where it smashes against the wall. The crashing sound as it hits the floor seems to break open a damn inside him.

“Do you? Do you really get that I’m the boss for the whole damn town?” he thunders, his voice shaking as he gestures toward the front of the apartment and the rest of town. “I know the rules because I make them. I know the expectations because I set them. And then here you come, not fitting into any of that. It drives me crazy, so fucking crazy. But I love it. I’m a cold machine, dead inside while I do the things I know have to be done, what I was raised to do. But you put life back into my existence. With you, I don’t feel dead. I don’t feel alone. I feel like I can be myself, not The Boss, not Dominick Angeline . . . but just me.” He thumps his chest, reiterating his words.