14
Maggie
Fern was in an exceptionally good mood. Usually she was a fussy eater and I had to cajole, joke, and bargain in order to get her to eat. I honestly didn’t even care so much about health at this point—if I had to bribe her with ice cream to get her to eat her pasta, then so be it. I only cared that she actually got food into her body. She was growing like a weed and needed a lot of it.
But tonight she was happy, giggling, eating whatever I gave her. It had to do with Cal being here, I was sure of it. Fern was always better behaved around people that she liked and wanted to impress, which was usually either Jenn or my parents. It seemed that Cal was now one of the other lucky few to end up in that category.
I was surprised at Cal’s patience, actually. Fern could be an exhausting kid. I loved her, but she chatted a mile a minute and was always running around creating some new adventure for herself, wanting to drag me along with her. Cal had never really been around kids much, as far as I knew, especially not a kid as full of energy and inventiveness as Fern. She’d definitely gotten it from Cal, if you asked me. He was the charismatic, charming one out of the two of us. I was the blunt introvert who didn’t know when to gentle her tone and was happy to stay alone at home with a book every night for the rest of her life.
But Cal was smiling and chatting amicably and seemed to be… actually excited by Fern. He listened avidly as she told him various stories about her day, and asked questions that prompted her to share more. He seemed to be genuine in his desire to know more about her and about her life. When Fern went on for a good twenty minutes listing the foods that she did and didn’t like, Cal listened and didn’t seem at all bored. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. He even would offer up his own commentary on things like how spinach was overrated or how he thought that cold sandwiches were a crime against humanity and all sandwiches should be toasted.
I found myself smiling into my pasta a few times, taking hasty drinks of water to disguise it. I didn’t want Cal to realize how much I was… delighting in all of this. I hated myself, just a little, for finding this whole thing so adorable. The two of them seemed to fit well together, their personalities naturally similar, and I hadn’t realized until this moment just how much of Cal was already there in Fern—aside from her artistic talent, of course. I’d noticed that right away.
So many times I had been tempted to tell her, you get your art skills from your dad. But I’d known that the moment I said that, Fern would want to know more about her father, and once that door was open I couldn’t close it again. Pandora’s box was staying firmly shut, thanks. Fern was still young enough that she didn’t really notice the fact that she only had a mom. I knew that of course someday she was going to notice, and then she might start asking questions, but I’d just decided I’d cross that bridge when I came to it. For now, she didn’t know that things were different in her family than in the families of some of her friends, so I hadn’t wanted to rush it.
Now, though, I had to wonder if keeping Fern secret from Cal was such a good idea. There was the whole thing with my parents but… surely we could’ve kept it from my parents, right?
I didn’t know. But Fern and Cal were getting along so well and meshing so well… maybe I should have let them know each other this whole time.
No. No, that would’ve just created a mess. And sure, Cal was good with her now, for one day, but would he be good with her consistently? When she was upset and crying, or being difficult? When she’d been a baby and crying, or during her terrible twos when she’d been teething and up at all hours?
That sobered me up, and I got up to start clearing the able. “I think it’s time for a bath,” I said, “if someone’s finished eating.” I would clean up the dishes once I’d gotten her to sleep. That was the story of my life—having to put off chores and then spend my free time on that and doing work. I didn’t really have time to relax. I was lucky that my friend Jenn had so much free time and was okay with hanging out at odd hours, or always coming over to my house. Jenn was a fun-loving, free-wheeling, party kind of person, but she never complained and I appreciated her so much for it.