“I can do the dishes,” Cal said, standing up. “While you give her a bath.”
“Oh, I—I couldn’t—”
“Hey, you made dinner, that’s how it works.” Cal winked at Fern. “One person makes dinner, the other one cleans it up. Sound fair, Fern?”
Fern nodded.
Cal pointed at the dishes. “All right, start cleaning then!”
He was obviously joking, and Fern giggled. I got up. “Okay, bath time!”
Bath was good—but Fern wouldn’t stop chatting about Cal. She thought he was amazing, that he was funny, and she was just delighted. I didn’t know what to do. I just agreed with her, my stomach in knots, remembering when I had wanted to praise Cal just as much to anyone who would listen. Of course, unlike Fern, I’d also had a crush on him. I had been so into him—and seeing him with my kid was doing things to me that I hadn’t expected.
I had never let myself think about Cal with Fern, and what that would look like. I had never wanted to imagine something that I’d known—or thought I’d known—would never happen. But now I was listening to my daughter talk excitedly about ‘Uncle Cal this’ and ‘Uncle Cal that’ as I toweled her hair dry, after watching Cal listen to her and chat with her all evening, and it was… it was doing things to me, definitely. It was making me melt and I couldn’t stop it no matter how hard I tried.
I got Fern into bed and told her I was going to check on how Cal was doing. “You really don’t have to clean,” I yelled as I walked back into the living-kitchen area. “Honestly, I can finish it up, I’m used to… it…”
I paused.
The kitchen was cleaner than it had been before I’d started making dinner. The whole area was practically sparkling. I stopped dead, feeling my mouth open a little in surprise.
Cal was sitting at the kitchen table, scrolling through his phone, probably checking emails or something. He had just up and moved to Nashville, had he even warned anyone? Did anyone know about this? If they did, what excuse had he given? He couldn’t have possibly told them the truth.
He looked up, smiling softly at me as I stood there staring at the kitchen. “You—you really didn’t have to do that,” I said, knowing how stupid I sounded even as the words left my mouth.
“I wanted to.” He pocked his phone. “What’s up with Fern?”
“I’m—it’s her bedtime, I’m going to put her to bed.” Jesus, Maggie, could you sound more stupid if you tried?
“Mind if I lend a hand?” Cal asked.
“Um…” Part of me didn’t want to let him spend any more time with Fern. I felt like I was at the top of a cliff, the top of a deep hole, and about to fall off, and I was terrified that if I let him spend more time with her that I would fall in and be lost. Or more lost than I already was, because the fact is that if I’d ever thought I was over him, I was quickly being proven wrong.
But on the other hand, I had let him in this close, let him spend this much time with her. How much worse could it be if I let him tuck her in?
“You could read her a story,” I suggested. “She has a few favorites she likes me to read to her.”
Cal grinned, like this was the best idea I could’ve possibly given him. I narrowed my eyes at him, silently asking him if I was going to regret this. I used to do that all the time when I was younger, because Cal was always setting me up for jokes and I would walk right into them—of course I would get back at him and do it right back, but I hadn’t done that in five years, and the fact that I was jumping right back into it, getting comfortable with him again and jumping right back into old habits, scared me.
“You just relax,” he told me, and then he was going in to say hi to Fern and read a book to her.
I almost grabbed him and told him to come back, that he needed to leave, that I had changed my mind. I should end things right then while it was still safe, and while Fern was still awake. Who knew what I would do when my daughter was asleep and I had Cal right in front of me again. Last time I hadn’t done so well in the self-control department.
But I’d said yes, I’d said that he could do it, and Fern seemed to really like him. She couldn’t stop talking about him in the bath and now that I could overhear them talking, Fern’s voice rising excitedly and high-pitched over Cal’s, I knew Fern would be severely disappointed if I told her Cal had to leave.