Midnight? Did he make it for her during study sessions? And why was I so frantic to find out the missing pieces of his life? Maybe it was because I was curious too.
Because I’d missed him too.
“Izzy, you may need to help me with some memories. The doctors said the hit was extremely hard, but I remember the important things.” I lied through my teeth, feeling sicker and sicker as my words caused her smile to grow.
“Maybe you need to hit your head more often.” She shrugged.
“Let’s not get too aggressive. The last thing I need is you hitting me with a two-by-four every morning.”
Her eyes widened, and then she laughed, quickly covering her mouth and shaking her head. “Tempting, though I hardly doubt it would do any damage to that thick skull.”
I found myself grinning up at her like an idiot in over his head. And that’s exactly what I was, because as she released my hand and made her way out of the bathroom, I realized that by treating her like a human.
I was dooming her to the devil.
I was Dr. Jekyll.
And the minute my brother woke up.
She would get Mr. Hyde.
Chapter Eight
ISOBEL
My hands were shaking by the time I made it back into the living room. I wasn’t sure what just happened, but it wasn’t normal, Julian hadn’t looked at me like that in months. I swallowed the knot in my throat as my stomach did flips.
How pathetic could I actually be?
Was I that starved for physical attention and touch that one thumb was all it took for me to jump back into his arms? The same guy who gave our maid leeway to borrow my silver stilettos during sex?
I hated the person I saw in the mirror, the person I’d become. And the sick part was that I knew better, I’d had great parents who raised me to respect myself, to respect others, and yet there I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, on a merry-go-round that refused to let me get off.
I’d loved him so much. He’d helped me through their funeral; he’d paid for it, for crying out loud! He moved me into his apartment without even asking my permission, and he listened, sometimes until two a.m., while I talked about them, while I cried in his arms. Sure, he had a wandering eye, what college student didn’t, and he was a flirt, but everyone knew that. And yes, sometimes he seemed moody when things didn’t go his way, but again, we were young.
And I was stupid enough to believe that he would grow out of it, and the stupid just piled on when he finally proposed and I thought, This is it, the moment I’ve been waiting for, the moment that’s going to solve everything.
He was my rock.
I just wasn’t quick enough to understand the dynamics of his relationship with his father, that he would do anything, become anyone, to please him, to the point of it poisoning our relationship. I truly woke up six months ago and asked myself, How did it get this far?
How did we let it get this bad?
And how could I have stopped it from happening?
I slammed my hands against the countertop, seething at myself, at him, at the maid, at the shoes all over again. I didn’t want to be weak, but I didn’t know what else to do, especially since his memory wasn’t what it was.
Was I crazy to think that we could start over? Would it be ridiculous to even propose it? To ask him for a fresh start while he healed?
Who was I kidding? This was Julian, he’d be working from his damn laptop the minute he got out of that bathtub.
This is what Julian made me. Crazy. I was acting crazy, and still I couldn’t calm my heart, not after pouring a glass of wine and downing half of it, not after pacing the living room wondering what version of him I was going to get next. Was he going to smile like he just did? Touch my hand and squeeze it lightly? Would he berate me and apologize later, telling me he loved me while kissing his way down my body?
Did it even matter anymore?
I chewed my lower lip as the consequences of my actions seemed to squeeze my throat until I felt like I was choking. We had joint bank accounts. My cars were in his name. I had nothing but the ring on my finger and the memories of our time together when we were in college.
A simpler time when all he cared about was sneaking into my dorm room.
A time when his father didn’t have his claws elbow deep into Julian’s psyche. A time when he was his own person and had one goal in life. A family.
Tears dripped down my cheeks as I thought of all the instances he cheated and all the stupid times I took him back.