With tears sliding down my cheeks, I dial his number. He picks up on the first ring as if he was doing nothing more than staring at the screen, waiting for me to call.
“Lily,” my name comes out in a sigh. The sound of his deep voice filtering into my ears is already calming me. “Are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay?”
“I’m-I’m okay. Can you come and pick me up?” I croak while attempting to hide that I’ve been crying. I don’t want or need anyone to feel bad for me, least of all, Sebastian. He’s already got enough on his plate when it comes to us, and I don’t want to burden him anymore.
“Of course, where are you? I’ll leave right now.”
“I’m in Blackthorn, at my grandparents.”
“Okay,” I can hear the jingling of keys and the closing of a door which tells me he’s already walking out of the house. “I’m leaving now. I’ll see you soon.”
A car door opens and closes, and the roar of his engine fills my ears.
“See you soon,” I whisper before hanging up.
I want to say I love you to him, I wanted to tell him how much he means to me, but it feels like if I do, it’ll only make letting go of him that much harder. I’m a mistake. All I do is hurt the people around me. I’m a burden to everybody. I shouldn’t be alive right now, and I shouldn’t be living my sister’s dream, sleeping with the man that she loved for years. I’m going to cost him everything. I’m going to ruin everything simply by existing.
Everything is falling apart, and I wish so badly that I was that canvas across the room. That I had the power to let myself dry so that I could paint myself a new past, a new beginning, and a new ending. A better ending.
17
Sebastian
She called. She fucking called. It’s all I can think about as I drive two towns over to Blackthorn to get her. I don’t care how far I have to drive to get to her. All that matters is having her in my arms again. I break about every speed limit there is just to get to her faster. I was so fucking worried when she was just gone. My mind was wandering to the worst possible case scenario. I couldn’t get what she had said to me that night in her dorm room out of my head.
“I tried to end it.”
She sends me the address in a text, and I use the GPS to find the way. The closer I get, the better I feel, even though my heart is pounding against my ribcage like it’s trying to break free and take flight.
When I finally turn onto the road and see her standing on the sidewalk, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest, and I can breathe again at last. Stopping right in front of her, I put the car in park and get out. Practically, running around the car to get to her. Before I reach her, I take in her face.
It’s red and blotchy giving away that she’s been crying. Guilt rears its ugly head. Had she not found those texts, maybe none of this would’ve happened. Instantly, I’m overcome with the need to make her feel better, to tell her everything is going to be okay because it is.
Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her into my chest and bury my nose in her hair. Coconut, and vanilla with a hint of paint. She doesn’t fight me, in fact, she does the same, dropping her bags onto the concrete, so she can wrap her arms around me. I sigh, feeling as if all the missing pieces in my life are coming back together once again.
“I’m so sorry, Lily. I’m so sorry,” I repeat, holding her tighter, vowing never to hide anything from her again. These last couple of days have shown me just how hard it is to live without her. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t do anything without her. She is everything to me and losing her again is not an option.
“Don’t be. I’m the one that’s sorry,” she murmurs, and when I pull away to look at her face, I find she’s crying again. There’s a pressure that appears in my chest as I look at her. I don’t want her to cry anymore, not ever, and least of all, because of something I did. Brushing away the tears with my thumb, I press a kiss to each rosy red cheek. Damn, I’ve missed her.
“I’m sorry,” she sniffles again, all the emotions crashing into me at once, “I’m sorry that you’re being blackmailed. That I hurt you by leaving. I just needed some space, but it was a mistake to come here. Everything is a mistake. I’m a mistake.” I can see her falling apart, and it’s tearing me right down the middle.