The drive feels long, but not long enough. Clark still hasn’t said anything even as we arrive at the house. He’s angry. He doesn’t have to say anything for me to pick up on it.
I have to fix this, tell him, but I’m terrified of being rejected.
Clark parks the truck and kills the engine. I open my door at the same time he opens his and then we walk to the front door in silence. I follow Clark inside and close the door behind me.
“Let’s sit down and talk,” Clark finally says, shrugging off his tux jacket before taking a seat on the couch. I sit down on the other end of the sectional, so we are not so close, and I can look him in the eyes when I talk.
Clark is sitting stoically, waiting for me to explain. I take a deep breath in, trying to calm myself and gather all my courage before I start to talk. Before I say out loud what I never told anyone else before.
“I already told you that my father didn’t know about the abuse, so when he found out that I was… that I was pregnant… he just assumed that I had snuck out partying—”
“Jesus Christ, Em,” Clark interrupts, his face a mask of agony, like the words physically hurt him. With his elbows on his knees, he lets his face fall into his hands. “Why didn’t you tell him… or anybody?”
“I was scared… no one would have believed me.”
“Fuck, Em, what happened? What happened with the baby?”
No longer able to hold back the tears, I let them fall. I let it all out. “I didn’t want it.” My words come out as sobs. I’m not even sure if he can understand me at this point. “I didn’t want the baby, but by the time I realized I was pregnant, it was too late.”
My whole body shudders remembering that time. I felt so lost and alone. “I decided on adoption. I wasn’t going to have an abortion no matter what but then…I lost the baby when I was six months along.” I have to pause, even saying the words out loud hurts. It feels like my heart is being shredded. Knowing that it was my fault inflicts the worst pain of all. “The doctor said it was because I was malnourished and stressed. I… it was my fault that the baby died… I didn’t want it and then it died. If I had wanted it. Maybe…”
“Holy fuck, Emerson.” I don’t see Clark move through my tear-stained vision, but I feel him getting up off the couch and taking a seat next to me.
His arms circle round me as he pulls me into his chest. “I’m so sorry. It wasn’t your fault. None of this is your fault. Don’t ever think that.”
“He was there, Clark. He was there…I saw him…” I cry into his chest.
“Where? At the benefit event?” Clark’s voice takes on a frantic tone.
“Yes, he grabbed me when I was following you, it was him.”
Clark pulls away, holding me at a distance, his eyes bleeding into mine. “Rick Paulson? Rick Paulson is the guy who… who raped you?” His lips tremble as he says the words.
My eyes go wide, my throat clogging and my chest tightening. How…how does he know him?
“Y-you know him?”
“No, I mean yes, kind of. I met him once, a few weeks ago. That day Vance picked you up from classes. He introduced himself to me as an old friend of my father’s, he told me he just moved here…” Clark trails off as if the pieces of the puzzle are only now connecting in his mind. “It was him? He hurt you?” he asks, more as if he’s talking to himself then asking me, but I answer him anyway with a nod.
As if there is a fire, he jumps up from the couch the movement so sudden that I jerk back against the cushions.
“I’m going to kill him,” he grits out, fury overtaking his features. His hands curl into tight fists and his muscles bulge with tension. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”
He starts to head for the door, and I jump up off the couch, rushing to his side. “No! Clark, please… don’t leave me,” I plead, not caring how desperate I sound. Wrapping my arms around his middle to stop him, I bury my face against his chest.
If I have to get on my knees and beg him to stay, I will. I would do anything at this point not to lose him. “You promised… you promised you would never leave me. I can’t lose you Clark and if you go and kill him, then I’ll lose you forever.”
His hands grip onto my arms and for a second, I think he is going to push me away, my heart skidding to a stop in my chest, but then he releases me wrapping his strong arms around me. Intertwining us.