“Fuck, you’re right. I won’t do anything to risk losing you.” His lips graze my forehead. Relief washes over me at his words. My body relaxing in his hold, comfort and warmth, replacing the panic in fear that stood there moments ago. “How? How did this fucker get to you? Where the fuck was your dad?”
Memories of that time flood my brain at his question, but for the first time, they don’t suffocate me. They still hurt, still have my stomach in knots and my chest aching, but they are not drowning me like they used to. Not when I’m holding on to Clark, not with him by my side. He is my life preserver in this ocean of sadness, he keeps me afloat when I think I’m going to go under.
For the first time in my life, I say the words out loud. I tell the story I never told before and never thought I would. “A few years back, Rick worked a big case with my dad. He stayed with us for that time…” I pause, holding on to Clark, drawing strength from him. “He would come in my room at night. At first it was just touching… I told him that I didn’t want to be touched, but he didn’t listen. He said stuff like, he knows I want him, everybody does, he’s seen the way I looked at him. I didn’t, but he made me feel like I did. He told me no one would believe me if I said anything and… he took pictures of me. He said he would show everybody if I would say something.”
“Fuck, Em… I’m so sorry. I wish I would have been there to protect you. How did your dad not notice that something was wrong? I don’t fucking understand.”
“I was a quiet person even before. My dad’s top priority always has been work, he never paid much attention to me and I was homeschooled, so I never really had friends. And even if I had anyone, I don’t think I would have said anything. I was so scared, and I felt dirty. I know now that it wasn’t my fault, but it felt like it then. I thought it was my fault. I was frightened and confused, and I felt broken… so broken. But all of that changed since I met you, I don’t know what I would do without you now. You don’t know what you mean to me, Clark. How much you helped me. Without you I’m a mess, suffocating in fear. Ever since you came into my life, I feel like I’m whole again. I love you…” The words pour out of me, and I mean every single one of them. He already knows my deepest and darkest secret so pouring out my heart to him feels easy now. Like it’s natural.
“Never did I think I would care for someone as much as I care for you… and never, ever, did I think I would love someone but I do. I love you, Emerson.” His words caress the scabbed over wounds that cover my body. He loves me. He knows my secrets and he’s still here. He’s seen me in some of my worst times and yet, he still wants me.
I smile with ease, my heart never having felt so heavy and full before.
I don’t know how long we stand there, just holding onto each other, but after a while, he pulls away, resting his forehead against mine.
“Let’s go to bed. I want to get you out of this dress and hold you in my arms.” Heat flickers in his eyes, and somehow it sparks a fire inside of me, as if he’s fire and I’m gasoline.
“Yes, let’s go to bed,” I repeat, letting him guide us to his bedroom. “I need to take a shower really quick though. He touched me and I want to get the feeling of him off my skin.”
“Okay, whatever you need.” Clark starts to strip out of his tux, flicking the button on his dress pants and shoving them down his long legs.
“Will you come with me?” Five little words have him stopping dead in his tracks. We’ve become pretty comfortable around each other, he made me come that one time and seen me naked then, but we haven’t been naked together since. I want that again, even if it doesn’t lead to anything. The closeness, the intimate feeling I got from being stripped bare, free in only a way Clark can make me feel. I want that, more tonight than I ever have before.
I stare at him, watching his Adam’s apple bob as he speaks. “You want me to come take a shower with you?”
“Yes,” I respond without having to think about it. I reach around my back and grab hold of the zipper, pulling it down in one swoop. I let the fabric slide off my shoulders and down my body, the dress puddling around my feet, leaving me in nothing but panties and a strapless bra. Clark’s inhale is audible, and I can’t help but smile.