“Looks like you ended up where you needed to be,” he said. “What does your dad think of you now?”
“I imagine he’d be pretty proud of me,” she said. “He died of a heart attack before I graduated cooking school. It was a huge shock for us. He went out jogging one morning and that was it.”
“I’m sorry,” Jay said. “My dad died on the road.”
“How?”
“Drunk driver.” He didn’t like to think about that too much. It had happened during his first six months in the Corps and after that, Jay had nothing to come back home to.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
For the first time ever, Jay didn’t mind talking to someone about the past. There was something about Alysse that made some of the rougher parts of his life seem okay.
“Let’s go back and join your friends,” he said, taking her hand and leading her down the beach.
“Do they all know that we were married?” he asked, stopping before they got to the group. “I don’t want to have to do the whole thing I did with your brother with each of them.”
“Only Toby and his girlfriend, Molly, know,” she said. “Don’t worry, if this doesn’t work out, we can go back to my using you for sex—but not tonight.” She laughed.
“Why not tonight?”
“Because you’ll leave and I’ll stay here and paddleboard and pretend that I’m happy.”
His gaze narrowed on her. “Why pretend?”
“Because I think you need something from me that has absolutely nothing to do with making up for the past. And no matter how hard I try to be objective, I just can’t and that makes me just a little sad.”
He swallowed hard, listening to the honesty that came so easily to Alysse and that made him feel small and ashamed. He wanted her, and he wanted his life to be so much easier than it could be right now. He was at a crossroads, she wasn’t. So he could either be the man she needed him to be or he could move on.
“Fine, let’s go back to your friends.”
“Not like that,” she said. “I didn’t say that to force you.”
“But you did. You’re taking control of this relationship and I don’t blame you. Just give me some time to adjust as we go along, okay?”
He saw her weighing it over and thought she might say no, and tonight, as aggravated as he felt at the world in general, he almost thought that it was okay if she said no. Major decisions could be influenced by things smaller than this moment. And if she said no now he would have no reason to stay.
“Sure, it’s okay. This isn’t easy for me either. I am still trying to find my way forward,” she said.
He knew that and he understood that his coming back into her life had seemed to spur her on some sort of quest.
“Did you invite me tonight to see how much I didn’t fit in or to get back at me?”
“No. I invited you because I thought it’d be nice for you to see what my life is like. To get a chance to know the people in my life and, as much as I want just to get over you, I also have a hard time not liking you.”
“You are a paradox,” he said.
“I’m not. I’m simple and straightforward. You just have to look beneath the surface,” she said, leading him over to her friends—and he let her.
He wanted to go wherever she led him. Which was a sobering discovery because he’d thought he was back in San Diego to make a tough decision but more and more he was coming to realize he was back here because this was where Alysse was.
8
JAY HADN’T EXPECTED to be able to relax with the group at the bonfire, but one man stood up as soon as they arrived and greeted Alysse with a warm hug.
“How are you, amiga?”
“I’m good, Paulo,” she replied. “I want you to meet Jay. Jay, this Paulo Ramones. Paulo, this is Jay Michener.”
Jay shook the other man’s hand. “It’s good to meet you.”
“You, as well,” Paulo said. “This is my wife, Frida.”
A lovely woman with dark hair and olive-colored skin walked over to them and shook his hand. “So nice to meet you.”
Both Paulo and Frida had heavy Spanish accents and were fit and lean.
“The pleasure is mine,” Jay said.
“This is Tommy and Jean. They both work with Toby. And this is Toby’s girlfriend, Molly. She works with them, as well,” Alysse said.