Going Deep (Imperfect Love 2)

Standing, I head into the bedroom and find him coming out of the bathroom. He sits on the edge of the bed, his elbows landing on his knees, and his face falling into his hands.

“I have a spare room,” he tells me. “I can take you to see your mom in the morning, so you don’t have to ride the subway.”

“Be broken and lonely with me,” I say, repeating his words.

Killian looks up at me, and it’s apparent from his bloodshot eyes that he was crying in the bathroom.

“Please,” I add.

He stares at me for a long time, searching for what, I’m not sure, and then he nods once. I take that as my cue to sit next to him on the bed.

“Fuck, this is so hard.” He closes his eyes and I take his hand in mine. I rub circles into his flesh with my thumb until he relaxes enough to reopen his eyes.

“When she found out she was pregnant, she came to me.” His eyes close once more and a single tear falls. I watch as it makes its way down his cheek and lands on the front of his shirt.

“Fuck, Giselle.” His voice cracks on my name. “She was scared and crying. She needed me to tell her everything would be okay.”

He swallows loudly and then continues, “I had a game coming up, and finals, and I was exhausted. I freaked out. I told her I couldn’t deal with it. She was on the pill. It shouldn’t have happened. Looking back, I know shit happens and how she got pregnant shouldn’t have mattered. Even if she was trying to trap me, it was my baby in her.” He releases my hand and uses his to scrub his face.

I stay quiet, waiting to hear what happens next. Being as I’ve never heard of him having a kid, I have a sinking feeling his story doesn’t have a happy ending.

“I left for my game without talking to her. I assumed she would be there when I got back. Only when I returned, she was gone.”

I hear myself gasp.

“She dropped out of school and went to live with her aunt in Tennessee…after she had an abortion.” Tears of regret and devastation prick Killian’s eyes, and before I can think about what I’m doing, I climb onto his lap, my legs straddling his muscular thighs, and give him a hug. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him tight. His shoulders shake up and down as he cries for the baby that was never born, the baby he blames himself for losing. With his head buried in my chest, neither of us say a word. There’s nothing I can say that will make this go away. His baby is gone and he blames himself. He’s spent the last ten years punishing himself over it.

When his body stops shaking, he looks up at me. His beautiful hazel eyes fall to my mouth and then he kisses me. Light, feather touches. His lips are strong yet gentle. The kiss is soft and has me melting around him like a pile of goo. It’s been so long since I’ve been kissed like this. Like I’m something more than a whore who is getting paid to pleasure a man.

When he pulls back, he sees the tears brimming my lids. He cocks his head to the side in a silent question. I’m not sure if it’s that I need him to know it’s not him but me, or if maybe I feel like after he’s told me his deepest, darkest secret, I want him to know one of mine, but without a second thought, I tell him another one of my truths.

“It’s been over seven years since I’ve been kissed like that,” I admit. “I was eighteen years old. Christian kissed me goodbye as I boarded the plane to Paris.”

“I thought you two got back together when you came back to the states with Olivia?” he questions.

“We did, but he had changed. The stardom had gotten to him. He was high or drunk all the time. We hooked up a couple times, but it wasn’t good. Then I caught him cheating on me. Shortly after, I took the job at A Touch of Class.”

“None of the guys you were with kissed you?” I can tell from the sound of his voice, he isn’t judging me but simply trying to understand. I go to climb off him, but his hands grip my hips and he holds me in place.

“My job is to make it about them. Sometimes we kiss, but it isn’t pure or sweet. It’s filled with an agenda, a gateway to sex.” Then I tell him something I haven’t told anyone. “I’ve had sex with dozens of guys these last few months but I’ve never once orgasmed.”