Going Deep (Imperfect Love 2)

My eyes close in embarrassment. Escorting has become a part of my life, but up until now, I’ve never discussed it with anyone. Saying what I do out loud makes it seem more real.

“My dad didn’t just leave,” I add. “He also quit his job.

“So, doesn’t that mean you can get her financial aid?” Killian asks.

“It was already too late to apply. There’s a deadline. And on top of that, because he’s no longer employed, my mom’s insurance was canceled. The medications she’s on cost thousands a month. I’m trying to get her insured, but nobody wants to write a policy for a woman who has the preexisting conditions my mom has. And honestly, we don’t even know the extent of her condition. She’s been diagnosed a million times, but nobody seems to get it right. I’ve watched her struggle my entire life, and I have no idea how to help her. I’m hoping the doctors at Serenity—the mental health facility she’s at—will be able to figure out something the others couldn’t.”

Killian stares at me for a few seconds before he says, “I’m so sorry, Giselle.”

“I don’t want your pity,” I snap before I can stop myself.

“No.” He shakes his head. “I’m not sorry for what you’re going through…I mean, I am, but that’s not why I’m apologizing. I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I assumed you were leeching off Olivia. And once I found out you were an escort, I assumed the worst. That you were loaded and choosing to let her pay your way.” Killian takes my hand in his. “Please forgive me.”

My head and heart are spinning. I’ve spent the last several months refusing to have any emotions, and now this man is pulling them out of me. I feel like I’ve been exposed and laid bare, meanwhile he hasn’t given me anything.

“I’ll forgive you on two conditions.”

He nods for me to continue.

“One, you apologize to Celeste. You’ve been mean to her and she doesn’t deserve it.”

Killian nods. “Okay, and two?”

“The night of my birthday, you admitted you were broken and lonely…” When Killian doesn’t deny it, I continue, “Then, when you asked me to stay with you tonight, you said ‘Be broken and lonely with me.’ Tell me your story.”

Killian flinches but tries to quickly play it off with a small, nervous smile. “What you said about me paying escorts to have sex with me, you were wrong. I do pay them to go to events with me, but I don’t have sex with them.” He pauses for a moment, then surprises the hell out of me when he says, “I don’t have sex at all.”

I try to contain my shocked expression but it must seep through my features because Killian laughs softly. “I’m not a virgin, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Well, yeah, it kind of was,” I admit.

“I haven’t had sex in over ten years.”

I have so many questions, but I remain silent and allow him to tell me his truth.

“I was popular in high school. Your typical varsity football player.” Killian laughs but it’s not a happy laugh. “I was even crowned homecoming king my senior year.”

A giggle escapes me when I picture Killian wearing a crown.

“I definitely had no trouble getting laid. I slept around like most guys my age do. I wasn’t a complete manwhore, but I had my fair share of women. When I started at the University of North Carolina, I continued as I had in high school, only I became even more popular. Girls would throw themselves at me, wanting to date a college athlete. Nick was the starting QB, and when we went out together, girls would flock to us.

“My sophomore year I met this girl, Melanie. She was in a sorority and a cheerleader. We hit it off. I took her out on a few dates and one of them led to us having sex. I really enjoyed her company, but I was young and immature. She wanted more…”

“To be your girlfriend,” I say, and Killian nods.

“Playing college ball took up a lot of my time,” he explains. “Between going to classes full-time and practice. Add in the away games. It was just too much. I wasn’t in a place to commit to one person. She said she understood, and we continued to sleep together.” His eyes drop and my stomach tightens. Something in his voice tells me he’s getting to the climax of the story.

“A few months later Melanie got pregnant.” He takes a shaky breath. I wait for him to continue, but instead he stands, and grabbing his water bottle, chucks it across the room. It hits a picture and knocks it to the ground.

“I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” He storms out of the living room and into his bedroom. I wait a few minutes, unsure if I should go after him. Whatever happened can’t be good. I consider leaving, but make the decision to stay. He started this. He asked me to be broken and lonely with him. I told him my truths and now it’s time for him to tell me his. Judging by the way he’s acting, if I had to guess, I would say he’s never told anyone this before.