Breaking Perfect

Sean sighed. “I could’ve made the same mistake if the roles were reversed. If I ever thought you were hurting her I would do more than give you a black eye.” He shrugged. “I’ll live.”

Mason gave a dry laugh. “I may not. She’s going to kill me when she sees your face.”

Sean smiled. “Don’t worry. I’ll eventually step in to help. It’ll just be girl punches and slaps. I’ll make sure she doesn’t hurt you too bad, tough guy.”

Chapter Seventeen

Liberty turned as the door opened. She placed the broken pieces of her Tiffany jar back on the small table that had been knocked over and sat on the bed. She inhaled, ready to have her first big fight with Mason.

“Are you leaving?”

He looked as though he had just lost his best friend. “That depends. Is Sean staying?”

His face paled as he stared at the bag on the bed like it was a dead rodent.

“Mason?”

He cleared his throat. “Would you be staying just for Sean?”

Her chest constricted. “I love Sean, but I love you too. I love you both. I like the way things are. I don’t want us to break up. You promised that wouldn’t happen. You promised we’d always talk things out. The three of us, that’s what I want. Not just Sean, not just you, but the three of us. A family. But the idea of you two fighting…”

He shut his eyes and she wondered if he was fighting tears. She couldn’t take any more of seeing him like this.

She went to him and wrapped her arms around him. “I love you, Mason. No matter how mad I get, nothing will ever change that. But I will not let you blame Sean because you don’t understand something.”

He threw his arms around her and squeezed her so fiercely she wheezed. He pressed his face into her neck and let out a deep stuttering breath. “I can’t lose you, Liberty. I’m nothing without you.”

She ran her hand over the back of his hair and waited until he regained his composure. “What about Sean? You’re the one who said love is about trust, trusting those you love to accept you and not walk away when you aren’t at your best. You can’t make him leave, Mason. No matter how upset you’re with him or me, you can’t. He’s part of us now. I need him as much as I need you.”

“I need him too.”

She shut her eyes finding his words comforting and reassuring. “Did you talk to him?”

“Yes. I misunderstood what I saw. I overreacted and wasn’t thinking. I know Sean would never do you harm. I don’t know what made me believe for even a second he would. I just…when I saw you tied—”

“He did that because he was protecting me.”

“I get that now.” He stepped away and took her hands. A burst of shame webbed through her chest as he examined the scratches she had gouged into her flesh. Mason slowly pulled her hand to his lips and kissed the wound. “I’m sorry you had a bad day.”

She gave him a sad smile and pulled him to the bed. They each sat down on the edge, but Mason seemed unable to let her go so she let him continue to hold her hand.

“Mason, something happened to me today. I can’t explain it. When my mom called…I was taken off guard. I thought I was okay, but then the memories wouldn’t stop. All I could hear was her voice, her words. I was a little girl again and I could hear myself screaming every horrible thing I wanted to shriek in that train station when he died. I felt despicable and ugly and dirty. Then I saw Sean and realized what I was doing to him, so I tried my best to stop it. I didn’t want him to see me like that. I didn’t want to upset him and I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

Mason shut his eyes and squeezed her fingers reassuringly. “Liberty, you could never disappoint me. Sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Your struggles are mine. We’re in this together, a partnership. Please don’t think that if you have a hard day I’ll be disappointed. I know how hard you try. So long as you keep trying I’m proud of you.”

“I know that, rationally I do, but sometimes when I’m in that dark place and all I can see are the repulsive parts…it’s so temping to stop fighting for healthy and just give in. It’s only my promise to you that makes me keep fighting it back. I feel myself slipping. It’s relentless. I want to silence all my horrible thoughts, but I don’t know how without…”

“Without breaking your promise.”

“Yes,” she whispered, hating so much that she would never be perfect. The idea of being even remotely normal at times like that seemed so overwhelming and daunting it made living a hardship of camouflage worth it.