Breaking Perfect

They were silent for a long while, both reflecting. Finally Mason asked, “What Sean did to you, did it make it stop?”

She blinked back tears. Not tears of sadness, but the same tears that shock a person’s system when someone gives them an unexpected gift with immeasurable value, spoils that one never expected another to bestow, tailed by gratitude too magnificent to hold inside.

“It did.” She wiped her eyes. “I never expected…at first I just thought he was trying to protect me from myself, but then I wasn’t sure what he was doing.”

She shook her head, still baffled by how simple it had been for Sean to chase away the darkness. He swept in like a breath, blowing away any trepidation, scattering her fears as if they were nothing more than dust and curled shavings forgotten during the making of the woman she was meant to be.

“At first I was shocked at what he was doing and angry and a little afraid, but then…it was like he hit a switch inside of me that I didn’t know existed. I trust Sean with everything I am and everything I cherish. I trust him with you, Mason, and I have no words to portray how much you mean to me. When I convinced myself I was in no danger I finally let go and placed myself into his keeping and I knew he wouldn’t let anything harm me. I trusted him and I…I just let go.”

She completely lost the battle with her tears and needed to take a minute to regroup. Mason sat patiently. After a few steadying breaths she said, “Then everything fell away, all the pain, all the ugliness, all the memories, all the demands for perfection. I just…broke and I was suddenly free. It was as though I could feel it leaving me like a physical thing being purged from my soul.”

Mason pulled her into his arms and held her as she cried. He kissed her hair, her cheeks, her eyes, as he rocked her. His soothing words of love fell over her like a spring rain. She shut her eyes and gave herself over to his care, suddenly feeling very, very tired.

Soon another set of hands were holding her. Sean. Warmth blanketed her flesh and flooded her veins. These were her boys. This was where she needed to be. She trusted them to always keep her safe even when she was hiding from herself. For years she danced carefully around an invisible presence so as not to wake the beast. Mason learned to step lightly too.

But not Sean. Sean was different. After a year of sidestepping his own demons, he confronted hers head on and beat it for her. She knew it could come back, but there was a sort of clarity now that hadn’t been there before. As if she could finally see the light at the end of it all. For the first time in her life she believed someday that presence would be gone completely.

They all were so exhausted from the day’s events that the three of them, without words, crawled under the covers and lay resting in one another’s arms. Liberty was at peace.

She slept peacefully, slumbering so soundly she felt like she was once again a little girl, before she knew the world harbored predators and a mother’s affection could come at a cost and a father’s standards could break a man. No one passed through this life without some sort of stain on their soul. There was no perfect. There was good and there was evil, and even saints were flawed.

Her dreams were colorful. Warm and light like sunshine. The horizon was open, the clouds bluffs and wisps of cotton candy dotting the fathomless skies.

Life bloomed before her eyes and under her touch. Shadows were chased away by the luminosity and she felt as though she was drawing her first breath. Mason and Sean stood beside her in her dreams, exposed and vulnerable and completely real. She knew then that the light radiating from every beautiful crevice and cranny, seeping into every nerve, bathing her in heat and comfort, was love in its purest sense. Love that they were all worthy of, a love that was inimitably theirs and given without condition.

It was a beautiful awakening, a peaceful acceptance. Liberty and freedom rest in the wake of surrender. All those flawed pieces were merely the details that create the whole person. Embracing every imperfection, Liberty realized, was the key to breaking free. It was breaking perfect.

Epilogue

One year later

Liberty wiped away tears as she continued to laugh and press her hand into the stitch in her side. Sean was bellowing in the backseat shaking with mirth. Mason was beet red as he pulled into the garage, trying hard not to laugh with them since they were basically laughing at his expense. It was good to be home.