Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding 1)

Lexi sat and just stared at Bekah. That question hadn't been asked in the past tense. She gulped hard and fully contemplated her answer. On one side, yes of course she loved it. She loved him so much it hurt to breath. It hurt to think. It hurt to get up every morning without him. But on the other hand, she didn't know if what they had had ever truly been love. When he said that he loved her did he mean it? How could she actually know when they had never been afforded the opportunity to fully appreciate what they had?

"I believe a part of me has always and will always love Jack. Yes," she finally stated in a strangled whisper. She hated so much admitting that especially to his beautiful, perfect girlfriend. Yes, she was in love with Jack. No matter that they hadn't been together. No matter that he had left her without a backwards glance without a single act of desperation on his part. She did love him. But something about the feeling had changed and evolved over time. So that it wasn't really the same question or the same answer Lexi could give had she been asked the same question two years ago.

"Well I'm glad that's out of the way," Bekah said blowing out the breath she had apparently been holding. "I was afraid we wouldn't have anything in common.

Lexi giggled despite herself. What a strange thing for her to say.

"Now that that's all out in the open, can we just try and talk about your relationship with Jack. I just want the facts. I just want to know why you guys didn't work out if you actually do love him, and I truly want to find out if I'm actually what he's looking for." Her eyes had enlarged at the last statement and Lexi could tell inadequacy wasn't something she was used to dealing with. So then at least that put them to having two things in common. Jack tended to make everyone feel inadequate.

"Can I just ask you something?" Lexi questioned Bekah.

Bekah raised one eye skeptically then nodded. "Sure, I guess it's only fair."

"Why would you want to talk to me? I mean, why would you want to talk to any of us? Danielle and Kate and I have all had intimate relationships with Jack. Relationships with him that you will never really understand, because every relationship is in some way different than what you are experiencing. And while you could probably pick up on a pattern of some sort, and coming from an insider's perspective, I really don't think there is one. I've known Jack for a long time, and he's pretty much been the same guy since I've known him. He's had his ups and downs like everyone, but he's pretty much the same. I just…well I don't know why you would want to open up that can of worms," Lexi said spewing out everything in rapid succession.

"I disagree," Bekah said folding her hands one over another, "I think there is a pattern."

"And what's that?"

"Well I'm not certain just yet, but there's really only been one constant throughout his relationships. I didn't see it when I first started asking questions or even when I talked to Jack about it."

"But you see it now?"

"Well, I think you are the pattern."

Lexi mouth dropped. Was she the pattern? No, that had to be ridiculous. Sure she had been around for awhile, but she wasn't the sole reason that Jack had obtained a phobia to commitment. "Me?" she asked incredulously.

"Well that's why I wanted to talk to you. I feel that somewhere in this past of his, Jack has always had rather strong affections for you. I noticed it when ya'll look at each other, when he spoke to you, when you kissed my brother," she said. "But I also could tell when I talked to ya'll separately. He would get this look on his face. You would get very defensive. It was just little things that I saw was out of the ordinary for him," she explained. "Now if something is still going on, then I'd like to know about it. If not, then honestly I just want you guys to tell me that it's over so that he can move on."

Closure. It always came back to closure. If she was the missing link that explained why Jack couldn't seem to commit to anyone, then how could they ever come to closure? She wasn't entirely sure how to respond to Bekah's accusation. A part of her said that she needed to resist the knowledge that she was his reason for not being with anyone else. That would just open up a whole other can of worms that she wasn't sure if she was quite capable of dealing with. She couldn't imagine Jack confessing all of his deep seated issues were actually solved by her. Had that been the case, they would have fixed everything for better or worse a long time ago.

Before Lexi had a chance to respond, Katherine returned from the back room with two full racks of clothes specifically catered to each individual. They wasted away the afternoon fluttering from one designer to another and discussing the tragic outcome of Lexi's relationship with Jack. She hadn't been able to reveal all of the details as she originally had anticipated, but Lexi was pretty certain that Bekah had gotten enough information out of her that it would sate her desire for the time being. What she did with the information was an entirely different story. Lexi hadn't gotten a single clue as to whether or not what she was providing Bekah with was helping or hurting Bekah's understanding of Jack.

Inevitably she did end up leaving the mall with a single black dress cover from Barney's. Katherine had been exceedingly accurate with Lexi's size and without even realizing it, Lexi had found the perfect dress. And just as luck turned out it was also the most expensive dress she had ever had the luxury of trying on her tiny frame. She had gulped at the infinite number of zeros attached to the tiny piece of paper and wondered faintly why God hated her. However, true to her word Bekah had retrieved a black credit card from her Louis Vuitton bag and handed it to Katherine paying in full for everything surrounding them. Apparently she had answered enough questions correctly to deliver payment for her time.

As she made her way towards the mall entrance, where Bekah informed her that the same town car was awaiting her, she felt strangely at ease. One of reasons she had come to Atlanta again had been successfully fulfilled. No longer would she have to agonize about Bekah, and her potentially deviant plots to get her to confess everything. Lexi hadn't told her everything, but she had disclosed enough to keep her appetite sated.

Just as Lexi was almost out of the mall, Bekah stopped her in place. "Oh let's just have a peek," she exclaimed her eyes shifting to her right.

Lexi's stomach dropped as the store front registered in her conscious. Tiffany's. Bekah had directed her straight to the entrance of Tiffany's. Now suffice it to say that jewelry stores made Lexi nervous. She'd never been able to put her finger on it, but something about the inside of them made her skin crawl. Her skin would break out into a cold sweat and she couldn't help but chew on her lips from nerves. And Tiffany's with their impossible price tags and obnoxious little blue boxes just was the worst of all. She couldn't go in there.