Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding 1)

"Can't you see? I did it because I loved you and though you said the words first, I didn't believe you," she told him breathlessly her face paling after finally telling him everything she had been holding in.

His features morphed at the shock of her words. She could tell he wasn't pleased with what she had said. "You think I'd tell you I love you if it wasn't true?" he growled.

"Your girlfriend had just told me you had held out on sex with her for over a year and a half because she was a virgin. You obviously respected her. You couldn't even wait two days at a beach house while our significants were a couple hundred yards away. What does that tell you?" she asked her face regaining a little bit of color with the vehemence in her voice.

He leaned back hard against the bench and ran his hands through his thick hair again. Lexi's eyes were drawn to the movement, and she wished he would stop doing that. It kept making her heart flutter. "Yeah I really respected Kate by not sleeping with her," he stated sarcastically shaking his head. "Is that what you think?"

Lexi looked at him helplessly. It had been what she thought at the time, what she had thought for a long time, but now staring into his defeated face, she was beginning to second guess herself.

"It was the opposite," he told her taking her hand out of her lap once again as he regained composure. "I didn't respect her at all, because I slept with you. She was easy to handle and convenient. Nothing more to me than that. I cared for her, but when you walked away from me that day our relationship turned hostile and almost pathetic. I stayed with her more out of boredom. And to find out you weren't with Clark after all that, I just…I don't know what to say…" he trailed off.

They sat in silence both milling over the new found information that miscommunication had deprived them of so long ago. Lexi sighed heavily itching to find out what this meant for them in the present time.

"I guess we both thought we were doing what was in the other's best interest," Jack told her.

"So where do we go from here?" Lexi asked tentatively looking up into his blue eyes. What she saw gave her more hope than she thought she deserved. His eyes were lit up and the smile that crossed his face took her breath away.

"Well I have a thought," he began leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her cheek. She giggled reflexively unable to believe he had just kissed her after all that.

"What's that?" she asked nudging him along.

He scooted closer on the bench so that there wasn't any room left between them. "I'm going to be in New York for a little while so why don't we try this out?"

"You mean date?" she asked in disbelief.

He scrunched up his face. "You think that we can really be normal enough to date?" he asked sarcastically.

"Oh shush," she said smacking him playfully, "I just mean that we're a little bit past that point and we're not actually normal."

He nodded agreeing with her. "Okay so we don't date. Let's not be a couple since we're pretty good at that at least."

"Then what are we?"

"We're working on making this right," he said bringing his lips to hers gently.

"I like the sound of that," she said against his soft lips her breath quickening instantly.

He drew back from her a cocky smirk played across his features. "I forgot how much I love your reactions to everything."

She blushed as he trailed a hand down the side of her face and on to her neck. "Jack, we're in public," she reminded him. He retracted his hand seeming to realize that they were in a crowded place for one of the first times. Lexi glanced around at their surroundings just to make sure that they hadn't drawn any unnecessary attention towards themselves. When she was satisfied, she turned back to Jack taking in his beautiful features and feeling giddy and light-headed all at once.

For the first time, she was hearing the words she had always dreamed of hearing. Maybe not in the exact way she had expected, but it was improvement. So they weren't a couple, but since when was that new? They had never been a couple. They had never had that kind of relationship. This was probably the best thing for them anyway. She couldn't imagine them as a serious couple. Every other person they had dated that way had ended in disaster. She didn't want them to end up like that. She wanted what she had always envisioned with Jack.

"So where are you staying in New York?" she asked not so subtly. She bit her bottom lip and stared up at him under her long black lashes.

"I'm guessing your dorm room only has a twin," he said smirking as he stood hauling her up off the bench and leading her out of the building. "You know I had planned on taking you through the museum."

She smiled up at him as they entered the cold afternoon air. "I'm going to assume there will be time for that later."

Jack laced his fingers with Lexi as they trotted down the stairs together. He hailed a cab that drove them across town away from Central Park, Washington Square, and Park Avenue where she typically frequented, to a rundown building with dilapidated paneling and a slew of broken windows. Lexi cringed at the sight unfamiliar with the more unpleasant side of town. She followed him up the four flights of stairs and stood before a door with three layers of off-white paint chipping from the frame.

He flashed an apologetic smile before entering the apartment. Lexi breathed a sigh of relief at the interior. Despite the disgusting outwards appearance, the inside was clean and well furnished even if nothing in the apartment seemed to match. "Sorry about this. I was staying with some family friends for awhile, but they ended up having their parents move back in with them so they could keep a better eye on their health conditions. That put me out of a place to stay, and I ended up here with this girl I met at my last job. I'm not sure if she's around," he said looking around the apartment warily.

"How many jobs have you had?" she asked curiously.

He squirmed under her question. "A few more than I would have liked."

"Oh," she stated unsure of what to say. "What are you doing now?"

"Uh…I'm a waiter, but I feel more like I'm in between jobs. I was working at this amazing job off Wall Street," he told her his eyes glossing over with pride, "but they had to let a whole bunch of people go because of the economy. I moved up here for the job and then it was just taken out from under me. I've been talking to a lot of companies though. It'll pick up."