Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding 1)

She stood motionless in the doorway as Ramsey fetched her clothes. She couldn't help thinking about the events of the night and how they had unraveled. Bekah's disgusting sexual remarks echoed through her conscious. Had Jack so easily gone from Bekah to her in a span of twenty-four hours? The more she thought about it, the more she couldn't believe it.

Sure, Lexi knew what he was capable, but that was low…even for him. And the way Bekah had spoke about it. Lexi shivered at the notion. Jack couldn't claim Bekah for his own when he still had feelings for Lexi. She just didn't know how to show that to him.

The sex was never supposed to happen. She just wasn't capable of controlling her actions around him. Turning Jack down was the hardest thing she ever tried to do. No matter how many times they had f**ked up together, she never found it easier to break free from him. There was always Jack. Even after the crazy sex and horrible things he had said to her, she couldn't think about giving him up. He was obviously very confused. One minute he was crazy with jealousy about her showing up with Ramsey. Then he was completely cold and distant. After that he made fiery, passionate, amazingly hot sex to her standing up against a cement wall in Turner Field. Then managed to tell her that none of it mattered?

How could none of it matter?

How could the sex not alter his decision in the slightest?

Lexi couldn't wrap her mind around that concept. Sure she had been sleeping with Jack for years, but it's not like the sex never mattered. She had held out on him for a year a half, granted they hadn't been together the whole time. No, they had never been together. He had made that perfectly clear when he walked out that door…when he ran.

Her face darkened over at the painful memory. She typically kept it under lock and key where no one could access it. But with everything that had gone on tonight, she couldn't hold it together. Her jaw was clenched tight and her eyes had the remembered look of agony. All she wanted to do was keep from crying until Ramsey brought her something to change into.

Just then he walked around the corner and down the hall. Lexi quickly recovered hoping that her expression was as neutral as possible. But she could see that he wasn't fooled.

"Thanks," she muttered yanking the clothes out of his hand and slamming the door quickly.

Lexi smacked her head back against the door instantly regretting her actions. Reaching her hand back to touch her head, she found a small knot forming where it had been knocked against concrete. As if her problems weren't enough, now every bump and bruise would remind her of Jack. Great!

She groaned as she forced her body to stand back up. Hugging her arms tightly around her body, she moved in front of the full-length mirror pinned against the wall. Lexi gently pulled down the side zipper on her now ruined dress. The silky material slid off her narrow hips and pooled at her feet. She unclasped her black, strappy, high heels and kicked them off. Lexi turned from side to side examining the damage. She could see little bruised indentions in her thighs where Jack's hands had held her up. Her lip was turning a slight shade of purple, but her neck wasn't quite as bad as she had anticipated. Her back was scratched, but not red and puffy like before. In the dim lighting, the rest of her body looked nearly normal.

This allowed a small smile to cross her face. Their indiscretions wouldn't be as noticeable as she thought. Her aches were at a minimum, and she would be as fit as ever in a couple days.

Her smile dropped off her face and she felt the tears begin to well in her eyes. She allowed them to flow freely from her cheeks cursing herself for feeling the emotions she was encountering.

This might be her last reminder of Jack.

These reminders of their escapade was the last thing she would ever receive from him.

He had said that he still needed time to think, but didn't she of all people know better? Jack didn't think. He acted. He did exactly what he wanted when he wanted it, and since he done that with her, he had received everything he had endeavored towards.

She collapsed on the floor covered only by her black, strapless bra and thong set. Her hair cascaded around her face. She felt something wet on her knees and she realized, suddenly, that it was tears. Lexi swiped at her eyes. She glanced up into the mirror and recognized the trail of black flowing down her cheeks. She vigorously scrubbed the mascara tears away leaving her cheeks raw and splotchy.

Her head tilted to the side as she stared onwards at her reflection. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear once out of habit. The movement reassured her and she did it again until the curly strands were maintained neatly behind her ears. It was the least she could do to keep from crying again.

This was the last time she ever wanted to cry for Jack Howard.

Her head snapped to the side at sound of the door creaking open. Ramsey stood silhouetted in the doorway in nothing but a snug pair of maroon boxer briefs. For a second as she stared at him, she lost all thought of being all but naked sitting on the floor. He looked so delectable. She had never seen him with his shirt off, and damn was her first impression right. He certainly had to have a physical trainer. She hadn't seen bodies like this since the last time she had gone to professional soccer game and even then she wasn't sure if they compared.

"Oh sorry," he said his eyes sliding down her near naked form. She could tell he wasn't sorry and she was too broken and dazed to say otherwise.

"Did you need something?" she asked her voice cracking with the effort to keep from crying.

"I was just coming to check on you."

For once he kept his distance. Lexi let her head drop wishing she could just erase this entire night. She had been stupid to think that she could be a part of Jack's life. And in that moment, she felt more used than she ever had in her life. Even if that hadn't been Jack's original intention, after he left her standing there bruised and broken, she couldn't help but feel that he had just used her. And she wasn't even sure what had fueled such anger from him. The sex was amazing, but there was an undertone of hostility in his movements. Not to mention his abrupt goodbye. It didn't even matter that he had claimed that he still needed time. When he said that it didn't change things, she was really more afraid that he meant it.

"Is there something I can do?" he whispered into the darkness.

She shook her head back and forth. All she needed was to be alone. But she couldn't say that to him. Not after all that he had done for her. Sure he had originally gotten on her nerves, but he hadn't pressured her into anything. And he had been perfectly nice through this whole ordeal. He had even defended her to Jack when he had suspected Jack was going to hurt her. And he had been right. Oh how he had been right. She couldn't be mean to him now not after everything.