Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding 1)

Chyna's mouth dropped open. "No! When?" Lexi lowered her eyes to the floor. "Tonight?" Chyna squeaked. "How could you?"

"You know the answer to that."

"You said you weren't going to."

"I hadn't planned on it. This obviously wasn't planned," she said gesturing around her.

"But Alexa," Chyna scolded.

"Don't use that voice with me," she growled. "Things didn't go exactly as planned anyway." Things definitely did not go as planned. She hadn't planned on sleeping with him. She hadn't planned on falling for him…again. She hadn't planned on her night with Ramsey. She hadn't planned on any of it.

"Did he hit you?" Chyna asked fear obvious in her voice. "You look like shit."

"What? No! God no," Lexi exclaimed running her hands through her hair. "He just…he was really cold to me afterwards."

"Like how?" Chyna asked concerned. She could tell that her friend was a mess and she was at a loss for how to help her.

"I don't know. He said this didn't change things," Lexi attempted to explain.

"What does that mean?" Chyna asked aggravated.

"I think it means he needs more time to decide what he wants which makes sense. It just came out wrong," Lexi said trying to convince herself too.

"I doubt it."

"Chyna," Lexi said warningly.

"No, you listen to yourself. He f**ked you then pretty much told you that you didn't mean anything to him. How could you think otherwise?"

"He said he still needed time. He told me he wanted to be with me. Chyna, they can't be together. I have to stop this. He can't do what he did to me and expect not to have to make a decision," she told her vehemently.

"Alexa just stop. You can't think like that. You cannot break them up."

"But he wants to be with me. A part of him still wants to be with me."

"You really cannot believe him, can you?" Chyna asked scrunching her perfectly waxed eyebrows together.

"He's never lied to me before," Lexi said but doubt was in her voice.

"Are you sure?"

"He hasn't lied to me in six years. Why would he start now?" Lexi asked trying to force a sense of determination.

"I just…don't know," she said biting her lip and looking away.

"What are you getting at Chyna?" Lexi couldn't keep the venom out of her voice. She wasn't some naïve twit. She knew what the consequences of her actions could be.

"Look maybe he never lied directly, but that didn't mean that he was telling you the whole truth," Chyna told her.

Lexi sighed. She had thought of that. In fact, a part of her wondered if maybe everything he ever said to her had some part of a lie in it. Just because he wasn't flat out lying to her, didn't mean it wasn't a lie regardless. But she couldn't let herself get caught up on that. He was the same Jack she had always known, and he loved her. No matter how difficult the past week…the past year and a half had been there was a part of him that would always love her. She just needed to harness that affection and make him realize that was what he had always wanted…what he still wanted.

"Did you forget that this was all your idea in the first place," Lexi asked evading Chyna's last statement.

"Goddamn, chica, I sent you up here to get over the f**king douche bag, not to fall in love with him again."

"Well, I'm not sure I ever stopped loving him."

"You don't know what you're saying," Chyna said shaking her head miserably.

"I know perfectly well what I am saying. I know exactly how I feel about Jack."

"You're acting like a teenager. Pull yourself together. You don't need this guy to feel loved. There are plenty…"

Lexi interrupted, "Oh don't feed me there are plenty of other fish in the sea line."

"But there are," Chyna cried. "Have you not seen the way Ramsey looks at you?"

Lexi rolled her eyes, but her heart was aching at the admission. She couldn't tell Chyna what had happened between them. The news that they had almost slept together would only fuel her passion. And she was stuck with Jack. No matter what he had done or how confused he was. He held her heart, even when it was breaking. "Don't talk to me about Ramsey."

"Well then don't act like Jack is the only person who has ever looked at you like you're a goddess."

"Just because Ramsey feels this way about me doesn't mean it is reciprocated," Lexi cried back.

"Then explain what happened out on the balcony."

Lexi blushed. If Chyna knew the rest of what had happened, she would never hear the end of it. "That was a mistake."

"It didn't look like it."

"I slept with Jack right afterwards. What does that tell you?"

"That you are a very confused person!"

"I'm not confused. I know exactly what I want."

"I didn't want to have to tell you this," Chyna said shaking her head fiercely.

"What?" Lexi asked barely listening to her. All she wanted to do was get this conversation over with and sleep. She had had a very long night and just wanted to get this over with.

"I heard some of Jack's friends talking about him and Bekah," she trailed off.

"And?"

"There are rumors of them getting married."

"Yeah. Isn't that why I'm here in the first place?" Lexi asked dumbfounded as to why Chyna was even bringing this up to her again. She was here to convince Bekah that Jack was ready for commitment. Well she certainly hadn't done that. If anything she had confused him more.

"I know, but I think he's going to do it."

"What?" Lexi questioned staring at her like she was a Martian.

"The guys were talking about planning a bachelor party," Chyna whispered hating that she had to break the news to her.

"It could have been for any of them," she said but she hardly convinced herself. Doubt had crept into her voice.

"I think they were all married," she murmured.

"No." She shook her head and pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ears. Her sleep deprived brain couldn't process what Chyna was saying. Jack couldn't be marrying Bekah. He didn't love her. He didn't feel for her what he felt with Lexi. There was no way this could be happening. "No. No he's not," she said the weakness in her voice evident. She felt as if she had been punched in the gut. She was receiving just enough air to keep her upright.