Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding 1)

"What did you say? Alexa, you have to believe me. I'm just looking out for you."

"No. I won't believe it," her voice coming out in a monotone. After all, if it was true, she had no tears left for Jack Howard.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want this to happen to you," Chyna said feeling like the shittiest of shitty friend's right then.

"This cannot be happening to me."

"I'm sorry sweetie," Chyna said moving to her side. "Do you still want to be with him?"

Even after that admission, even after Lexi's first realization that Jack might marry someone else, she still wanted him.

"Is Jack really what you want after everything?" She reached out and grasped Lexi's hand affectionately.

"You don't understand," Lexi said yanking her hand out of her grasp. "You never understood." The feeling of losing Jack overwhelmed her body. The feeling was so familiar, that it could only be associated with him. Her heart felt as if it were being fed through a shredder, and then played back in reverse.

"How could I understand?" Chyna asked vehemently. "Do you even see yourself? You're a wreck. You look exactly the same as last time. You're shutting down and shutting everyone out. You can't let him do this to you every time he comes back into your life. Can't you see that this boy has done a number on you that can never be undone, unless you let him go? You have to just let him go."

"How can I let him go?" she asked her breathing coming out shallow. "How can I let him go if he won't let me?"

"You have to find a way to be strong."

"No, I just can't be sure. I have to go to him and find out what the truth is."

"You think he's going to tell you the truth?" Chyna asked dubiously.

"He damn well better!"

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K.A. Linde

FML

And it took so long just to feel alright

Remember how to put back the light in my eyes

I wish I would have missed the first time that we kissed

Cause you broke all your promises

And now your back

You don't get to get me back

- Christina Perri "Jar of Hearts"

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Chapter 24: Present

Chyna managed to talk Lexi into getting a few hours of much needed rest. She needed to be of the right state of mind to talk with Jack. And, anyways, he would probably be sleeping at six o'clock in the morning when Lexi was ready to burst into his apartment and confront him. The exhaustion that had crept up on her that whole night suddenly evaporated with the prospect of finally coming to a conclusion about her relationship with Jack. Restless sleep eventually overtook her, but it did very little to stem her anticipation.

The thoughts swirling around in her brain only managed to make her more nervous about her upcoming appointment with disaster. She couldn't fathom that Jack had lied to her. Sure she had imagined him telling half-truths and even straight keeping things from her, but not flat out lying. They had always been up front about their feelings and how they were going to work…no matter how dysfunctional everything else turned out to be.

When she finally awoke the next day, she found that somehow she had managed to sleep through a good portion of the day. She wasn't certain how that had happened, but was grateful for the break from her earlier thoughts. Except that left her with only a few brief hours to accomplish everything she needed to get done. She canceled her flight that Jack purchased for her earlier that month reimbursing those funds to his card. With Chyna's arrival, Lexi decided to leave on the private jet she had come into town on. A flight that would leave that very night. A flight that Lexi was not certain she was ready to get on.

She groggily got out of bed, reaching for her phone. Beyond the two messages from Ramsey making sure she had made it home alright and apologizing for his inappropriate behavior, there was nothing else. Jack hadn't called. He hadn't texted. He had made no effort to get in contact with her after their escapade.

Lexi lazily tossed the thing back into her purse and strolled into the bathroom. After a scalding hot shower to clear her mind, Lexi did some extra pampering. She needed to look her best when she spoke with him. If she looked as shitty as she felt, then she would lose a good deal of the confidence that she needed. She let her loose curls go about their business and applied a small amount of make-up to highlight her golden skin and large brown eyes. Her hair covered the damage done to her back, but she had to touch up her neck where a few hickeys were beginning to show. A thin layer of lipstick hid the bruising on her bottom lip. A purple dress that was simple, yet, showed enough skin to still be appealing was her first choice. She paired it with black strappy sandals. She hoped it was enough.

Her first instinct was to go by his apartment and with Chyna's approval, she took the town car across the city. As she approached the entranceway, the attendant who had been on duty when she had stayed the night at Jack's less than a week ago was just exiting the building. "Oh excuse me," the attendant said almost running into her.

"No problem at all. Hey, I think I know you," Lexi said.

"Oh yeah," the girl said pointing her finger at Lexi as if she were placing her. "You know Jack, right?"

"Yeah. Do you know if he's in right now?" Lexi asked taking a step closer to the doorway.

The girl seemed to mull it over. After a second of contemplation she answered, "I don't think he is. I remember him leaving this afternoon."

"Do you happen to know where he was going?" Lexi asked knowing she sounded snoopy.

"Look I don't really like to get involved," she said crossing her arms across her chest uncomfortably.

"Oh no, I totally understand," she said immediately. She had to be quick on her toes or else she wouldn't get any information. "It's just his girlfriend is freaking out because he won't answer his phone, and she asked me to come by since she couldn't."

"Well," the girl began tilting her head sideways.

"I swear I wouldn't bother you if it wasn't an emergency," Lexi said lathering on the desperation.

The girl sighed and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "He came down earlier and looked a bit bummed out. Said he needed to get some things accomplished at the office, but don't tell him I told you so," she said racing down the remaining stairs, across the street, and into a parked Civic.