Jealousy didn’t glance up, almost as if she didn’t feel comfortable admitting whatever she was about to. “Did it ever make you…sick?”
I sat taller. “Why…has it made you sick?”
She finally met my stare. “Can you answer my question first?”
I shrugged. “I fainted the morning after my first dose. I’ve never fainted before or since. But I think that was more due to the fact I hadn’t eaten in over twenty-four hours rather than—”
“Have you felt weak?”
“Well, of course. Each time I wake up the next morning, I’m bruised and battered and it’s a mammoth task to drag myself out of bed.” I chewed my cheek, drawing more blood from my nervous, nibbled cut.
Should I admit it?
Should I tell her how Sully reacted to elixir?
If it was any other person, I wouldn’t, but…Jealousy had earned my trust. “Even Sully passed out cold after his introduction to it. He almost drowned in Nirvana…far too focused on sex and forgot he needed air to breathe.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Did he admit he felt totally out of it? Does he finally understand how dangerously strong it is?”
“He definitely endured the effects.” I studied her, sensing something way more serious than she let on. “How come? Everything okay?”
Jealousy shook her head as Skittles continued her forage across the table, stealing a piece of wilted spinach. “I’ve lost count how many times I’ve taken it. For the longest time, I bounced back with no problem. Sure, I’d feel like shit the next morning, but my system always figured out how to reset itself.” She sighed. “But recently…I can’t fully shed its control. My resting heart rate is stupidly high. I regularly have palpitation attacks that can last over an hour. My limbs constantly buzz as if I have adrenaline running in my blood. I just think it’s playing havoc with my inner chemicals.”
I clasped my hands on the table. “Have you spoken to Sully about this?”
“Not directly to him no. I have had a check-up with Dr Campbell, though.”
“And?”
“And…he’s worried. He’s never liked elixir. Always said it was too strong and that it will end up killing one of us these days.” She smiled sadly as Skittles hopped onto her fork, pecking at a piece of discarded cantaloupe. “Ah well, I’m sure I’ll be fine. It’s just stress.”
“Stress? Are you having second thoughts about staying? Do you want to leave, after all?”
She shook her head. “Oh, God, no. I never want to live anywhere else. My ultimate dream would be to run this place. Maybe find someone who doesn’t just want me for my body, and make Sully hire goddesses who have free will, instead of buying and trapping them. I’m glad he released Jupiter, Nep, and Calico. What they did to you is unforgivable, but also understandable when pushed to the brink of their tolerances. They’re free now…but we aren’t. Neither are the others who are still serving…and the ones he’ll buy in the future.”
I wanted to agree with her. To nod and forge ahead with sisterhood power—to revolutionise Sully’s empire. However…my loyalties were also to Sully. Yes, he did bad things because he used the same rules against humans that we had for animals. And yes, he seemed to have no qualms about feeding us elixir and throwing us at the mercy of men for money. But…beneath those flaws, he cared enough that he deserved my fidelity. “I’m sure things will evolve for the better.”
Unless Serigala is blown up.
If it had…then things might evolve for the worst.
“You’re right.” Jealousy looked up just as Skittles flew to my shoulder, squawking and hopping up and down. Pika let out a relieved trill, interspersed with excited squeaks, and shot like a green arrow down the night-shrouded beach.
Our eyes locked.
Hope exploded.
He’s back!
Chapter Three
OF COURSE, SHE WAS there, waiting for me with imploring eyes, eager arms, and tangible fucking love.
Of course, she ran down the beach with my two parrots flying beside her, and leaped fearlessly into my arms.
Of course, she hugged a fucking monster who only had murder on his mind. A man covered in blood and brain, decorated with fur and charred flesh. A man who reeked of death and wore the cloak of the Grim Reaper himself, ready to repay the dismembered body parts to his brother.
But…
Her touch.
Her scent.
Her warmth.
It broke me.
Motherfucking broke me because I’d been so steadfast in my conviction. So black and white with my choice to send her away…for good.
She was too breakable in my current condition.
She was too much for me to survive.
But…
How?
How the fuck was I supposed to say goodbye?
She’ll die if she stays.
By your hand or his.
I flinched at the agonising reminder. I jerked at my repeating nightmare.
“Everything you love dies, Sinclair. Everything you treasure is gone. That’s your true curse. The one you can never run from.”
Fuck, it made me angry.