Promise Me This (Between Breaths 4)

He closed his eyes, his lips in a tight line, as if he didn’t want to hear it.

“So I figure we’ve got his genes and we can go one of two ways. And I am not choosing that route,” I said, tightening my hold. “Not only that, it would not be cool to keep losing your shit in front of Anna. You wouldn’t want her to be scared of you or dump your ass.”

“Leave me the hell alone,” he said, wrenching from my grasp and storming off to the pit. Fuck. I hoped to God he calmed down before he got in that car.

“What was that about, son?” my uncle asked as Luke fumed past him to the stands.

I sighed. “Just the usual crap between brothers. No big deal.”

My uncle looked like he was about to say something, but then he was motioned over by one of the crew. As we walked down to the speedway, I suddenly felt like driving my car right into a goddamn wall. Keeping silent was way easier. Or at least it felt that way right now.

Uncle Jack chose Kai to run the course first, as if he knew Luke and I needed to get our heads in the game before driving one of his vehicles around the track.

We continued to ignore each other the rest of the morning. Thankfully, Kai was pretty easygoing and didn’t ask any questions.

Just like every other time, as soon as I got behind the wheel of number 89, my pulse pitched through the roof. It was such a rush to step on the gas and zoom around the track. As the wheels hugged the curves, my head was completely focused on the task in front of me.

By the time I got out of the car, my heartbeat was ragged, my legs were shaky, and my knuckles ached from gripping the steering wheel so damn hard. It was just the adrenaline boost I needed.

As we were leaving, Uncle Jack gave us one-armed hugs and then we headed out the door.

“Thanks again.” I gave a final wave.

“Anytime,” he said. “Tell your mom hello for me.”

I turned toward my uncle. “Maybe you should give her a call and tell her yourself sometime. Bet she’d want to catch up.”

His forehead creased. “Okay, son. I will.”

Luke scowled at me but I ignored him and kept walking to the car.

Kai gave me a curious look when I slid into the driver’s seat.

“How is your mom, Nate?” he asked, turning to look at me. He obviously noticed something was off about our exchange.

Instead of answering his question, I said, “When do you think was the last time our moms have spoken?”

His eyebrows bunched together in concern. Probably because of how unsteady my voice had sounded. Plus, I’d never really asked him that kind of question before.

“Not sure.” He shrugged. “Why, what’s up? Everything okay?”

I stayed silent while I drummed my fingers against the steering wheel and bolstered my courage.

“Kai, I’m going to tell you something because I need to and then you can decide what to do with the information.”

I turned off the ignition, so I could give him my full attention.

“I’m listening,” he said, twisting his head in my direction.

“Man.” I exhaled and relaxed into the seat. “I don’t know if you even know the shit that’s gone down in my family.”

He looked stunned and then shook his head. “Not really sure what you mean.”

“My dad . . .” I said. “He’s . . . been a total prick my entire life.”

“I mean, I knew he was tough on you guys and real stern . . . I could tell as a kid you were afraid of him.” Kai’s eyes narrowed. “He was also kinda . . . hard to get to know.”

“Yeah, well . . .” I took a deep breath. “When we were kids, he . . . got angry a lot . . . and took it out on us. Mostly on my mom.”

“Fuck,” Kai said, sitting ramrod straight. For all of his problems, Kai has always had loving parents. So this information might’ve been hard for him to swallow. “Is your mom . . . is he still . . .”

“She says no, not since we’ve been kids,” I said, shrugging. “I hope to God she’d telling the truth.”

“Shit, Nate, that’s fucked up.” He looked past me out the window as if maybe picturing all of our holidays together, things he might’ve picked up on, or not.

“Thing is, I’m pretty sure that’s why she doesn’t talk to your mom anymore. She didn’t want anyone to know what was going down,” I said. “But I was hoping your mom, would maybe . . . want to reach out to her.”

He looked me in the eye. “You okay with me sharing that with her?”

“That’s one of the reasons why I told you,” I said. “It’s time we all . . . God, I don’t even know what I’m saying. I just know that I was tired of holding it in. I had a shitty childhood and that’s that, time to move forward.”

“So sorry, man,” Kai said. “I’ll admit that my mom has worried over the years. I’d hear her talking with my dad sometimes. I think she thought your father was . . . I don’t know. Not someone she approved of for your mom.”

“Well that’s the understatement of the century,” I said, giving a humorless laugh.

Chapter Twenty-seven

Nate

I headed toward the bowling alley where friends were celebrating Quinn’s birthday. I’ve never had a best friend, not really, but Bennett probably came closest. The guys from the shop were cool and I’d gotten drunk at one too many parties with Quinn’s fraternity brothers. Not that he lived at that house anymore. He mainly stayed with Ella at her place, but he remained close to a frat guy named Brian and his girlfriend Tracey, who were probably here tonight.