It’s the first time that I didn’t think of Karen at all. I didn’t wonder where she was, who she was spending her time with that seemed so much more important than Amelia, if she would ever come back for her daughter… instead, Latesha consumed me whole and I have to admit that feels really good today.
She isn’t looking at me, I think curiously as I watch her work hard. Why isn’t she looking at me?
I need a smile from Latesha. A grin, a nod in my direction, I don’t know what exactly but just some indication that she doesn’t totally hate my guts. That she doesn’t regret what happened last night. She definitely started it with the whole video debacle, but I don’t have much trust in other people now. After what happened with Karen, I find it hard to trust my gut and know what women want and what other people are thinking. It’s a lot.
I should go and talk to her… that thought hits me hard, I know that it’s the right thing to do. I should just be a grown ass man about it and go and see if I can gauge where her head is at. But something is stopping me. I’m rusty, I’m afraid of freaking her out, I’m also really worried about rejection might come my way. I get a bad vibe from the fact that it almost seems like Latesha is avoiding my eyes on purpose. It scares me to think that I might have done something wrong. I don’t know if I behaved right last night. Maybe I said something wrong…
Ring, ring… My work phone ringing makes me jump and drags me back in to the present moment. Ring, ring… Perhaps Latesha realizes that this isn’t the time or place for any chat. Ring, ring… I need to get my head back in the game, to focus on the company. Me and her can sort things out later on.
***
Everyone begins to filter out and I know that I should do as well, but I can’t just yet. I have already spoken to my mother and asked if she can have Amelia a little later tonight to give me some more time which she is happy about, so I need to confront what’s going on Right here, right now. I know that I’m not paranoid now, I’m sure that I am on the right path with my fears because not only has Latesha ignored me all day long, when she has been forced to speak to me for work purposes, she has been cold and distant. I have upset her.
“Can I have a word?” I ask her quietly just before she leaves. “Do you mind? Just a moment.”
“Erm, sure.” She doesn’t look like she wants anything to do with me now which upsets me. This has to be my fault, doesn’t it? There isn’t any other explanation for why she would suddenly turn her back on me like this. I’m going to have to get to the bottom of this for work purposes as well as our personal connection. Whatever that may be. “Do you need me to bring my calendar or anything like that? Is this work related?”
“No, just you will be fine. This will only take a moment.” I sound so awkward and stiff.
She walks in to my office and takes a seat, but as she stares at me her arms folded across her chest to keep herself away from me. I can feel the coldness rolling off her in waves and it makes me deathly anxious.
“Is everything okay?” I ask with a tremble in my voice. “You seem a little off with me today?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” She shrugs one shoulder at me. “After last night. You just walked out on me like it was nothing.” Uh oh, I can feel the volcano about to erupt. I don’t know why, but I’m sure that I deserve it. “You didn’t even stick around to talk to me after we hooked up. You just kinda zipped your trousers up and went. I don’t know how you normally treat the women in your life, but I know my worth and I am more than a whore.”
“Oh my God.” I let out a shocked gasp. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to treat you like that. I didn’t think…”
“It’s customary to be kind to women who you have had anything with. I don’t get why you would just say goodbye and leave. I honestly sat here for a while really feeling like shit about it all.”
I rake my fingers through my hair, hating how rusty I have become. Of course, I should have treated her better, that’s just common sense. I honestly want to punch myself. No wonder Latesha hasn’t been able to look at me all day. I don’t think that I will be able to look at myself any time soon either.