If anything happens to Amelia… I shake my head hard. I can’t even think like that. I can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like if something happens to my precious daughter. No, she will be fine.
It doesn’t even matter if children get sick all the time, Amelia is my child and I am so utterly protective of her that it crushes me to imagine anything bad happening to her. It’s too much for me.
I burble out a goodbye to my mother and hang up the phone. I almost forget that Latesha is with me until I turn around and I see her there staring at me. She has horror in her eyes, hatred as if she’s expecting what’s about to come. Latesha isn’t close enough to have over heard what I just said to my mother, but she’s already sensing that tonight is going to end somewhat like last night with me leaving her in the lurch.
I hate myself; I know that I am going to ruin everything here, but Amelia needs me. I shake my head sadly, unable to come up with anything like an excuse, and I leave. The knowledge that my one shot of happiness is slipping away from me is there inside of my brain, but I can’t give that any attention. I have to be home.
I run all the way home, leaving my car parked outside of the office because I have had one drink and I’m highly emotional, so I don’t want to give myself any chance of having an accident. This might mean that it takes me longer than it should to get back and I can barely breathe by the time I make it, but I’m safe and that’s the main thing. My family has had more than enough drama to last a life time. I’m not adding to that.
“Mom,” I rasp out, my lungs ragged and aching. “Mom, where are you? Where is Amelia?”
I don’t get a response, so I head from room to room until I find Amelia lying spread across my bed with a wet towel on her fore head and a redness to her cheeks that makes me feel like shit. I should have been here; I shouldn’t have gone out tonight. I must be the worst father in the world for leaving my child when she needed me the most.
“Oh no, Amelia.” I rush over to the bed to sit beside her. “Are you okay, sweetie?”
“The doctor is coming,” my mother informs me with a frightened tremor in her voice. “Amelia wanted to sleep here because she was complaining that her bedroom was too hot. I think she just wanted the space.”
I nod even though I believe that she wanted to lie in my bed because she missed me, because I am a terrible person, because I went out on an impromptu date instead of coming straight home like normal.
“Thank you, Mom. Has she had plenty of water? Is there anything that I can do?”
Mom tells me that there isn’t anything, so I do the only thing that I can, and I rest my hand on my daughter’s chest just to let her know that I am here with her now and I’m not going anywhere. I will stay with her here for as long as she needs me because I have more than learned my lesson after this nightmare.
Eventually the doctor arrives, much to my relief and that of my mother’s as well. We both step back as he examines Amelia, and I find my brain delving in to the darkest places where I really don’t want to go. For a moment, I allow myself to worry about the worst possible scenarios and it freaks me the hell out.
“It’s okay,” Mom whispers at me, seemingly sensing how I’m falling apart. “She will be fine.”
Luckily, it turns out that my mother is the one who’s right. Amelia isn’t as bad as I first suspected. The doctor prescribes her some medicine and tells us to keep her hydrated at all times and to bring her to the hospital room if there are any signs that we need to worry at all… but for now, she is going to be just fine.
I’m relieved, I’m happy for this amazing news, it’s better than I ever could have hoped for, but I still cling on to a lot of guilt as we wave the doctor off. I can’t help but blame myself for this. I keep telling myself that I should have seen it coming, I should have noticed that my daughter wasn’t herself. I have been distracted. By Latesha, but also by the mystery of Karen as well. I have allowed my mind to wander.
“I will make us some coffee,” Mom declares wearily as soon as we are alone. “Then I’ll order us in some take out which we can eat while keeping an eye on Amelia. I know that you will want to, even though she’s fine.”