“She isn’t fine, but she will be,” I correct her, unable to help myself. “And thank you, Mom. I appreciate it. Use my card to pay for the food. Then you can eat back in your apartment, if you want. You have done enough today. You have been with Amelia when I should have been because I was… well…”
“It’s okay if you weren’t at work,” Mom says softly while rubbing my shoulder reassuringly. “I don’t mind if you were out having a good time. You deserve to find some happiness after the bad way that you were treated before. If it’s friends or maybe a date, me and Amelia want you to have a good time. I am always here for her…”
“But I should be here for her.” I won’t let her talk me down from this ledge because I am too far tilted over the edge. “I shouldn’t be out with other people when I can be here. Amelia needs me all the time. I’m all that she has. And yes, I did go out for a drink tonight, which I’m sure you can smell on my breath, but it won’t be happening again. In fact…” An idea pops in to my brain. “I’m going to stay here for a while. Just while Amelia is sick. I won’t go in to work for a while so I can stay here and take care of her…”
“But I’m here,” Mom replies in shock. “That’s why I’m here, isn’t it? I’m here for Amelia so you can keep the company running. I’m not incapable of looking after her because she is sick now…”
“I know that,” I reassure her. “But you do enough. You need a break as well. Plus, Amelia doesn’t have her mother, she needs to know that at least one of her parents is around for her no matter what.” Mom stares at me with sheer confusion in her eyes, which I guess is understandable because I’m probably not making much sense. “Look, this is just something that I need to do, Mom. Just let me. For a few days.”
After a couple of moments, she nods and agrees with me. “Okay, but I will admit that I’m worried about you. You have been closed off from the rest of the world ever since Karen left. I don’t like that nasty woman having such a prolific effect on your life. I also worry that you will stop focusing on the business that you have worked so hard to build up. Amelia wouldn’t want that, and I wouldn’t either.”
I pull Mom in to a hug and hold her gratefully. “Oh, Mom, you worry too much. Honestly, it’s okay. I’m not closing myself off from the world.” I probably am, I’m sure that she’s right, but she doesn’t need to know that at this moment. “I will be fine. This is for the best.”
“I know I do, but this is what I need to do. Trust me, I know what’s best.”
As Mom leaves to order food and I head back in to Amelia’s room, I let Latesha’s face flood my mind for just a moment, but all that I can see now is the sheer horror in which she started at me with as I ran away. I got away with being a bit shit once, but there is no chance that Latesha will forgive me this time around. I really did enjoy my time with her and I have to admit that it’s a massive shame to lose her so quickly when we could have had something good going on, but until I’m ready to let her know about Amelia and the complications that flood through my life, I’m going to have to accept that she will hate me and I can’t blame her.
I shake my head hard and id my brain of her face. I already have enough to be worried about inside of these walls without adding more to it. The last thing I need to do is add the issues from the outside world on my shoulders. Especially when the issue has been my distraction from my daughter. She needs me and I am staying home to be with her to give her all of me for a change, so that means getting rid of Latesha from my thoughts for a little while anyway.
Chapter 9 – Latesha
“I really need one of these applications to work out for me,” I growl angrily at Tracey. “I’m sick of being tricked by Zack and I’m even more tired of talking about him. I need to cut ties now, I need to rid myself of everything toxic and I absolutely have to move on with my life because I can’t stand seeing him.”
Tracey smiles sympathetically at me. “I get that it must be hard. Mostly because you’ve liked him for so long.”