“That’s why I think I let him fool me last night. Normally, after one strike, I am out.”
My best friend nods slowly, seemingly searching her brain for something to say, but there isn’t any way to make this right. There isn’t anything she can say to me to make this situation any less shit than it already is. That damn video is haunting me, is making me act like a crazy woman, and now I don’t know what to do. But I really think that I need a fresh start. I need to work somewhere else so I can put all of this behind me…
“I just don’t get it,” Tracey continues as I idly sip my morning coffee, trying to gear myself up for another day of facing the man who has my brain all twisted up in unpleasant knots. “The first-time things happened between you, he basically walked off without even saying goodbye, all cold and everything. We assumed that was because he was an arrogant play boy who doesn’t know how to treat women… but then he gave you a story about not being good with women at all. Yet as he buys you an apology drink, he is on his cell phone all the time, texting. Then a phone call made him run off. Just like that. As if he has a secret life or something…”
“A secret life?” My eyes snap up to meet my friend’s. “Is that what you think is happening here? What could that mean? That he isn’t the man I thought he was? That he’s…” But as I try to figure out the depth of these words, I shake my head no. “Tracey, you have been watching too many TV thrillers. Things like ‘secret lives’ don’t happen in real life. He is just an asshole that leaves after he gets what he wants.”
“Hey, TV thrillers are usually based on things that happen in real life. They don’t come from nowhere.”
I roll my eyes and snort with laughter. This conversation isn’t exactly helping me right now, but at the same time it is giving me a more light-hearted view which I hope helps me. I would much rather think that all of this is stupid and funny when I face him, so I don’t crumble and fall apart in sadness. I would hate him to see that.
“Well, I suppose I better go,” I finally tell my friend sadly. “Face the hell of the day with him.”
I say goodbye to my friend and leave the apartment, practically shaking with angry nerves as I go. It’s all well and good laughing about this with my friend when I am at home, but when I face Zack, I have to do it alone. I could play it cool yesterday, I could just ignore him, but today is going to be different. We are going to have to talk this through like adults and I will need to let him know that I don’t want him near me ever again.
God, those words aren’t going to be the easiest to say, but I need him to know that I won’t take it again…
***
Selfish fucker, I think spitefully as I stare over to Zack’s empty desk. He hasn’t even bothered to show up to work yet which is only bringing up my nerves to another level entirely. He isn’t ever late to work, so he has to be doing this to torture me further, to make me feel even worse about what’s happened.
I bet he knows that I won’t be able to relax until we have this out which is why he is making it worse. I don’t know why, unless it’s some kind of sadistic weird punishment for the video, it seems like a strange way to behave, but I can’t think of any other explanation as to why this is all happening to me.
One thing is for sure, office place romances are not worth the hassle. They are so complicated and affect so many aspects of life. I will never make the same mistake again, no matter how much I like someone.
With a deep sigh I head in to the bathroom, for a bit of a break of staring at the place where Zack should be sitting. I’m lucky to find myself completely alone in the women’s room, so I lock myself in a cubicle and sit on the toilet seat lid while I catch my breath and take a while to just be. I need a moment alone to get my head in order before I end up losing my mind. It’s a real struggle to keep it together.
“…no, he isn’t off on a vacation.” All of a sudden, I suck in and hold a panicked breath as I hear the voice of Hana, the loud, slightly obnoxious receptionist enter the bathroom. I don’t want to get caught in a conversation with her while I am in this mood. “Don’t you know? It’s like the worst kept secret ever?” There is murmuring and giggling but I can’t pick up any of the words spoken. “Zack is off because his kid is sick, and he needs to take care of her. I don’t know why he acts all secretive about his home life. No one cares…”