I stare at the details in my email account, paying particular attention to the cell phone number. As I hear Mom enter the house and sit with Amelia in the living room, I know that this is the perfect time for me to sneak off, to make this call in private so that no one suspects a thing. After all, this phone call will be the change of everything. This is the time where I will see if Karen is finally prepared to step up and be a mother or not.
I don’t know how much I am holding my hopes up. I can’t really imagine it right now…
“Do it now,” I whisper to myself. “Just do it before it becomes this big weird thing.”
I know that this is one of those things that will be so easy for me to talk myself out of, so it’s now or never. I head up the stairs, taking them two at a time, and I shut myself in the bedroom to finally hit the dial button.
Ring, ring… I pace the room, breathing deeply. Ring, ring… I start to doubt myself, almost hanging up. Ring, ring… I wonder if Terry might have made a mistake and that this isn’t her number after all…
“Hello?” Oh God, I would know that voice anywhere. It’s her. She has an effect on me, but only because she is the mother of my child and she walked out on us. Not for anything else. “Who’s there?”
“Oh, hi…” I suddenly realize that I have been quiet for far too long. “Sorry, it’s Zack. I hope that it’s okay I’m calling you like this. I know this must be a shock to you. A bit out of the blue…”
It’s funny, I always imagined this being an angry moment. I don’t think that I really got to say everything that I felt when she first walked out on me. Many emotions didn’t get expressed as I would have liked them to, so I assumed that when Terry found her this would be the time to say it all, but I don’t feel like that now. It doesn’t matter what she did, how she treated us in the past, I just want to have an adult conversation to see if we can sort this out. It isn’t about me and her anymore, it hasn’t been for a very long time, it’s all about our child.
“Zack.” She sounds cagey and shocked which is to be expected. “How did you get my number?”
“I just wanted to talk to you about Amelia actually, if that’s alright with you?” She doesn’t really answer, it’s more of just an agreeable noise, but I take this as a positive reaction from Karen. The best I will get anyway. “So, I don’t think that’s so much of a telephone conversation. Plus, I’m sure you will need time to process this call, so what I’m really asking is if you would like to meet face to face some time. Me and you.”
I know that she isn’t too far away, so we could make this happen if she wants, but I need it to be immediately clear that I won’t be bringing Amelia to any meetings until I think I can trust her. That trust took one afternoon to shatter, and it will take a lot longer to build back up again. After all, Amelia deserves the best and if she can’t be that then she won’t be coming back in to her life at all. I won’t be a fool for her.
“I can come and meet you.” I’m shocked as Karen says this. I wasn’t expecting such an immediate response. “I am actually very near by tomorrow morning, so I would like to see you. I have actually wanted to contact you about our daughter for a very long time, but I wasn’t sure how you would react to me.”
I hope that is a good sign and it means she wants to do what is right by her child. I can only put the faith in her for the time being. After all, Karen could have hung up on me immediately if she wanted.
“So, tomorrow. That sounds good to me.” It’s sooner than I wanted, than I was expecting, but I suppose it’s better to start this process sooner rather than later. “Do you have a specific time and place?”
“Eight thirty AM,” Karen shoots beck very precisely. “At that café near your office. The brown colored one.”
“Oh okay.” Is it just me or does it really sound like she has been thinking about this for a while? My hopes rise without me wanting them to and I can feel a flower of happiness blooming in my chest. “That sounds great. Thank you, Karen. I am, erm… looking forward to speaking to you tomorrow then.”