There isn’t anything more to say, not at the moment anyway, so I hang up the phone and stare at the screen for a while in shock. I sure as hell wasn’t expecting today to turn around like this, but here I am with everything and more. I mean, this is what I have been working towards so I need to be happy, and I must recall at all times that I am the one in charge here. I have all the power so she will have to prove herself.
“Zack?” My mother knocks on my bedroom door, shaking me from my shock. “Are you okay? Only Amelia said you got a phone call and she is wondering where you got to. Do you need to go to work or something?”
It’s time to tell her. My mother, that is, not Amelia. I won’t tell our child until I’m sure that Karen will be worth it, but I have to let Mom know. She deserves to after all that she has helped me with.
“Mom.” I swing the door open and step out in to the hallway to talk to her. “I have found Karen.”
Immediately, my mother’s face falls. She almost looks horrified, which is a feeling that I understand well from the person who had to pick up the shattered pieces that woman left behind. “You did? But why?”
“I hired a private investigator for Amelia’s sake. I just want to find her mother, to give her a chance…”
“But she was so horrible to you. Both of you. The only blessing was that Amelia was a baby so too young to remember her, to be hurt by her, but if she came back in to her life now and left again… well it would destroy her.” Mom stares at me pleadingly. “Have you really thought about this, Zack? I don’t know about it…”
“I am meeting Karen tomorrow. But I will be one hundred percent sure that her intentions are good before I bring Amelia in to the mix. Trust me, I have done nothing but think about this. As scary as it is, I think that it’s better for me to try. Then at least I can let Amelia know that I did everything even if it does go wrong.”
Mom is silent for far too long. “I understand why you are doing this, Zack, but I have to admit that it scares the living hell out of me. I’m worried that the both of you will end up hurt.”
I pull Mom in for a reassuring hug. “Mom, I am wise to this woman now. I won’t let anything hurt me, and I sure as hell won’t let anything hurt Amelia. This just feels like the right thing to do. It’s for the best.”
As I pull back to look at my mother, I can see that she still isn’t convinced, and I have to admit that I’m not either. I have no idea which way this is going to go, but I’m glad that I’m giving it a go. It could end up being the best thing I ever do. We might never be a nuclear family again, but if we can all be in Amelia’s life and it’s the best thing for her, then I am willing to give it a try.
It will be fine; I do my best to convince myself. It will…
Chapter 11 – Latesha
What the hell? This is the first time in days that I have walked in to the office to find Zack here. I have almost gotten used to him not being around and it’s allowed me to calm down. I’m still incredibly hurt by everything, I would be crazy to not feel that way after everything that’s happened, but life has gone on for me. Everything has been just fine, there hasn’t been the eruption that I’ve been waiting for, so I thought that it was fine…
But now he’s here and I don’t know how to react. I’m frozen to the spot, stuck and crazy.
I should go and talk to him. It’s my chance to finally get everything off my chest because even though life has continued, things have continued to stew inside of me and there is still a lot to be expressed… but I can’t. every time I glance at him, I just remember the nice times when he made me feel special. When we hooked up in his office, the drink where he said all the right things and he managed to placate me despite the bad behavior. Of course, the shitty bits are mixed in there as well which has my head spinning wildly, sickening me.
Eventually, just because I’m scared of looking like a freak, I move over to my desk and drop my hand bag on it. It’s then I notice that my hand is shaking like crazy, that I’m a mess and about to fall apart. I even slump forwards a little, my shoulders roll over me, and I grab on to the edge of the desk to hold me up right. This is annoying because I don’t want that man to affect me like this, but he is. Even now. After everything…