“Fuck,” I muttered as I got out of the car.
“I’ll just, ah, chill our glasses,” Gwen said, pointing into the house and darting away.
I slowly walked over to Brock, who watched my approach but didn’t move. “Hey,” I greeted.
He was silent for a moment. “Hey?” he repeated in a low voice. “That’s what you start with after taking off for three fucking hours? Hey?” he exploded, pushing off his bike.
“Well, how was I to know you’d get all dramatic and act like I took off for good?” I snapped at him.
“How was I to know you didn’t?” he yelled, pushing his hands through his hair. “Last time you took off you did it for a fucking month, at the end of which I rescued you from a mass murderer. Then you almost bled to death right in front of me!” he bellowed.
“I wouldn’t do that again,” I told him quietly.
“Yeah, babe, really? How about if it wasn’t your choice? How about Devon decides to take advantage of your little drive and put a bullet in your skull? What the fuck do you think I’d do then?”
“He didn’t!” I yelled at him.
“But he fuckin’ could have!” he roared back.
There was silence for a moment.
“I just needed a minute,” I said softly.
He sighed and put his forehead to mine. I sank into his touch, needing it, craving it.
“You need a minute. You got it. Maybe I need a minute too,” he muttered.
My stomach sank.
“I’ll give you some time, babe. Let you get your head straight,” he said.
He gave me a firm close-mouthed kiss and then his body was gone. I blinked and stared at him as he got on his bike and rode off.
“Thanks for letting me stay, Amy,” Keltan said, enveloping me in his arms.
“The way you make margaritas you’re welcome anytime,” I told him once he had disengaged.
He smiled at me. “I get why he loved you so much. You’re perfect for him,” he said quietly.
I swallowed, unsure of what to say. Luckily he didn’t seem to expect me to say anything, because he moved to Gwen to say his goodbyes.
It had been two days since he had arrived and I hadn’t seen Brock. Gwen said that Cade had told her he was off on a “run”. I wasn’t exactly sure what a run was but I knew it took him out of town. I missed him like crazy and all I had wanted to do was call him. But I didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t called me either.
I was terrified that it meant he was done with me for good. Done with the royally fucked up girl who had her parents and her dead first love to thank for her reluctance to jump into anything that threatened her heart.
Luckily Keltan was a distraction. He was a hilarious guy who was light-hearted and easy to be around. He was like a New Zealand version of Lucky. He got along with the guys easily, coming to a club party the previous night. I hadn’t missed the way his eyes had followed Lucy the entire night, and the fact I had seen them in a dark corner together. I was so needing the goss on that.
Gwen and Cade did end up staying at the house with him, not so I could escape the wrath of Brock for having a man in my house, but because Gwen genuinely wanted to spend as much time with her friend as possible. I could tell she loved him like a brother and had missed him like crazy.
So I hadn’t spent all of my time thinking of Brock. Only about ninety-eight percent of it.
After we had waved Keltan off Gwen and Cade had left me to it, off to have crazy animal sex, no doubt.
I was cleaning the kitchen when the rumble of a Harley made me freeze. I didn’t move as the front door opened and closed and the thump of motorcycle boots on the floor came towards me.
Brock appeared in the doorway. I raked my eyes over him. He was wearing jeans and a white tee, his cut over top. His hair was piled on top of his head in a messy bun and he had two days’ worth of stubble on his face. He gaze burned into me.
“You’re back,” I said quietly.
“Yep,” he answered.
All I wanted to do was run across the room and jump into his arms but I couldn’t. The atmosphere was strange. I was terrified he came here to dump me.
“Why did you go?” I asked him, hating how pathetic my voice sounded.
He stayed leaning against the door. “You said you needed a minute,” he told me flatly.
Thankfully pathetic, lovesick Amy was quickly replaced by pissed off, irritated Amy. “Yeah, a minute! Not two fucking days,” I shot out, my voice rising. “I needed a second to breathe, to process all the shit that had been dumped on me.”
“Yeah, well, maybe I needed two fucking days to process,” Brock bit out.
“Two days to fuck me out of your system?” I hissed.
Brock’s eyebrow rose and his face darkened. “You really think that’s what I was doing? Fucking whores?” he snarled.
I threw my hands up. “How am I supposed to know? You took off!”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t exactly know where I fit in with your dead ex’s best friend and his sister,” he shot at me.
I flinched. “That isn’t fair.”
Brock ran his hand through his hair, snatching it out of its band. “Yeah, I know it’s not fucking fair. I feel like a bastard for being jealous of him, of a fuckin’ letter. But I can’t do this. I can’t spend the rest of my fuckin’ life competing with a dead man!” he roared.
I lost it.
“You don’t have to!” I yelled back, leaning into him. “You don’t have to compete because there is no competition!”
My hands were balled at the sides of my body and I actively had to stop myself from pounding them against his chest. “It’s you! It’s always been you. The moment you pissed me off, the moment you weren’t afraid to call me a bitch and not put me up on a pedestal was the moment you won. He loved me and I loved him. But comparing him to you is comparing a raindrop to a downpour. You consume me. And I don’t know how to deal with that. Everyone has been expecting me to be ruined for life because the love of my life is dead and buried,” I paused. “But I’ve been miserable because the love of my life has been right in front of me this entire time, breathing and alive.” My voice turned quiet. “And I feel guilty. I’m sick with it. Because I know I was it for him. But he wasn’t it for me. I was going to tell him that. The day I found out he was dead I was going to tell him.” I met Brock’s eyes, tears in mine. “I was going to tell him that I couldn’t love him enough, that I didn’t love him enough. Not like I love you.”