Before I Die

“We can,” he says, turning off the ignition. “We can go to different places little by little.” He leans over and kisses my cheek. “We have our whole life ahead of us, Angel.”

A few weeks ago, I would’ve argued, pointed out there’s a chance my whole life might be over soon, but I feel I’ve reached a turning point where I no longer want to focus on the negative. I don’t want to live each day as if I’m counting down to the end. When it’s my time to go, it’s my time, and until that time comes, I’m going to live every day like it’s my last.

“How’s your head feeling?” Ethan asks. My headaches have been worsening, so it’s a good thing my surgery is coming up.

“It’s okay. I think I’m going to lie down for a little while, though.”

“Why don’t we cancel with Blaire and Victor?” he suggests. “I don’t want you to overdo it.”

Without thinking about how wiped I would be from the three-hour trip from D.C., I invited Blaire and her fiancé over for dinner and a movie, since we left before I could have them over. I also made plans with Raquel and Blaire to go shopping and do lunch this week.

“I’ll be fine. I just need a little nap. Can you wake me in a couple hours?”

“Of course.” He kisses my lips. “I’ll bring the luggage up.”

“Thank you, babe.”

The minute my head hits the fluffy pillow, I pass out and don’t wake until Ethan is kissing his way down my neck.

“This is a great way to wake up.” I roll over onto my back and Ethan stops his kisses to speak.

“I would love to take this further, but I let you sleep until the last minute and Blaire and Victor will be here soon. I ordered your favorite—”

“Chinese?” I perk up.

“Of course.” He rolls his eyes. “It’ll be here shortly, so up you go.” He lifts me into a sitting position and kisses me passionately.

“Just give me a few minutes to freshen up,” I say once we break apart. “I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

After he leaves, I jump into the shower. My headache is gone, but I’m feeling extremely dizzy and lightheaded, so I skip washing my hair or shaving and get out and get dressed.

When I get downstairs, Ethan, Blaire, Raquel, Andrew, and Victor are all sitting in the living room talking. I wasn’t expecting Ethan’s parents to be here, but it’s a pleasant surprise. I stop at the foot of the stairs for a minute and watch everyone. Blaire says something about buying half the store and Victor beams at her. Ethan’s face splits into a gorgeous grin, and Raquel laughs loudly. Andrew chuckles and nods. These people in this room are my world. I hate that my parents aren’t here, but my goal before my surgery is to speak to my father and then hopefully get through to my mother. It shouldn’t be like this. We already lost Stephen. Life is too short, too uncertain to hold grudges and be mad at each other. My mother needs to understand my life is just that—my life. And while I want her to be a part of it, I’m not going to live it for her ever again. Hopefully the next time we’re all having dinner together, two more people will be here.

“There she is,” Ethan says, breaking me out of my thoughts. “How’re you feeling?” he asks softly, when he gets over to me.

“I’m okay.”

“I hope you don’t mind, but my mom was chomping at the bit to see us, so I invited them over as well.”

“I don’t mind at all.” I kiss his cheek. “More the merrier.”

The evening is spent with the six of us eating and conversing and laughing. We don’t end up watching a movie, instead opting to take the get-together outside to the back patio, where the men smoke cigars and talk shop and the women plan our shopping trip.

The evening is perfect, and after everyone says their goodbyes, Ethan and I spend what’s left of our night wrapped up in each other. I never imagined my heart could feel so full and content as it does now. I used to think there was something wrong with me, why Gerald didn’t want me anymore, but now I know it was just part of God’s plan. I had to go through what I did to get to where I am. In Ethan’s arms, with him stroking my hair and telling me how much he loves me as he lulls me to sleep.

Ethan

“Baby…” Nevaeh coos into my ear. I groan in exhaustion, but roll onto my side to face her. I was at the club until early this morning dealing with the books. Because I haven’t been as hands-on lately, everything’s piled up and I had no choice but to spend hours catching up on everything I’ve been neglecting. My parents helped out a great deal while we were away, but there are certain parts of the business only I can handle.