“Momma used to cry sometimes. I don’t lobe that. I don’t want Momma to cry. Will you make her cry?” My poor sweet girl…while I thought I was being so secretive with making sure she didn’t see me cry, she still did.
“Baby, I promise to never intentionally make your momma cry, and if she does cry I promise to wipe the tears.” He looks over at me with his hat on his head, his face still with stubble from not being shaved today, and he smirks at me, taking a sip of his coffee. In that moment he is all I think I will ever need. No, I don’t think, I know he is everything I wished for.
“So,” Cooper says. “I’m thinking that we could maybe go out for supper. Maybe hit up a nice restaurant. What do you guys say?”
“Cooper, it’s Subday, it’s pancake day and Auntie Meghan swim day. We go there and we swim. I help the twins swim, because I can swim without my lifejacket ‘cause I’m fibe.”
“You guys are very busy on Sundays.” He winks at me. “I’ll send Tom a text to let him know I’ll be there also.”
“Umm, I don’t even know what to say right now. Excuse me.” I push away from the table before I cry in front of them.
I walk inside to the sink, grabbing myself a glass of water. I’m trying to bring down the beating of my heart, struggling to not have a panic attack because right now it feels like I’m watching my life from outside my body. I feel him even before he touches me.
“Baby,” he says while he wraps his arms around my stomach, kissing my neck. “You okay?”
“No, Cooper, I am not okay. I am far from okay right now. I have my son asking if we are dating. I have my daughter telling you that I cry, which I have to say I have stopped doing. That much anyway. And, and”—I shake my head, hoping to clear the fog in my mind—“I have you telling them that we are dating and that you want to kiss me. Do you know what you just did?”
“Yeah, I told them I’m with their mom. I owed it to Matthew to be honest. Babe, they are going to see me around a lot. I’m going to be holding your hand and even kissing you. They have to know.”
“Cooper, I haven’t even dated since my divorce. Well, I’ve dated dated, but not dated.”
“Babe, I don’t even know what the fuck that means.”
“I’ve dated. I’ve had date dates, not sex dates, but I have been out on dates. The point is none of those dates made it home. None of those dates made it to Sunday pancakes, let alone knew the names of my kids.” I’m sure I’m having a heart attack. This is what it must feel like to go numb and hallucinate.
He turns me around so I’m looking up at him.
“I’m not sure I’m happy or not with this dating dating shit. I’m happy you didn’t let anyone else in. But you have to fucking know I’m in there or better yet I’m fucking coming in. Tonight we sit down and have the ex talk, because I have to know what I’m dealing with, because, baby, I will be dealing with this shit. Then we spend the week with the kids. Next Saturday you hand them off to your ex, and I’m taking you on a date. And by that, I mean pack a bag because it’s going to be a date date. A date where I’m going to fuck you till you can’t move. It’s going to be a sleepover date where I will be fucking you the next day. So, we get through this week, then on Saturday it’s us and our date date.”
“That sounds like a lot of…ummm…dating?”
“Yeah, it will be. Now what time is this swimming thing?”
“Usually around one-ish,” I say, putting my hands around his neck and lacing my fingers into his hair.
“Okay, I’m going to go clear the table. Then we are going to sit outside and just relax till we have to go.”
“Umm, okay.”
“Babe, I’m going to be needing that mouth right about now.”
Well, I’m not one to make him wait, so I lean up and give him my mouth.
Our relaxation time consisted of Cooper kicking the soccer ball with Matthew while I gave Allison a pedicure.
When we all loaded up into my Jeep, Cooper snagged my keys because, well, as he put it, “Babe, I’m driving.”
Walking into Meghan and Tom’s back yard with him was a weird thing. I am so used to doing things myself that it was weird to have him carry Allison instead of me.
What freaked me out more was Allison wanting him to carry her. Sure, he tempted her with a ‘you can ride on my shoulders,’ which to her was so much better than Mom’s arms.