She lets out a soft gasp of surprise when she realizes how close my face is to hers. be honest, I’m surprised myself. I don’t know if I can control myself around her. “Let me assure you, Lorelai, that every word that has fallen from your mouth tonight has utterly captivated me,” I reply softly.
I watch her eyes widen. I can’t tell if it’s with surprise or delight, or a combination of both. I don’t know what’s come over me, but I can’t let her go. “There’s just something about you.” I murmur softly as I study every inch of her face.
Suddenly I lean forward and kiss her. There’s a sweetness, a tenderness to it, but it’s laced with pure, fiery passion beneath. I don’t want to let go, and that is the scariest feeling of all. How much I don’t want this moment or these feelings to end. We hold tightly to each other as she kisses me back.
I realize suddenly that this is the first kiss that I’ve initiated since my ex. With this kiss, I feel different, like the whole world is suddenly shifting underneath my feet. I feel something and I’m not sure if that’s frightening or what.
I mean, the women I’ve hooked up with at auctions before have kissed me. The initiative was all on their part, though. I felt nothing, had no feelings or attachments to them. But being here now and kissing her, I can feel things moving in my soul that I didn’t know existed anymore. It feels so new and strange, and suddenly I’m overwhelmed.
I quickly break the kiss and pull away from her. We both breathe heavily in the night air. Our eyes lock, but my fear forces me to look away from her.
Even so, the image of those sparkling hazel eyes is burned into my memory as if seared by a brand. Her face looks even more innocent and sweet by moonlight. I’m overwhelmed by so many different feelings. Guilt, because I never wanted to be involved in a relationship. I feel like I might be leading this poor girl on, but I’m also torn by confusion because I could easily end up falling for her.
It’s the depth of these feelings that is frightening me a little. They are so new and unbelievably fast. Every time I have gone to an auction it was just meaningless sex with a woman. There was a reason I kept it that way. I keep looking at her face, and I don’t know if I can fight off these feelings. It’s like I’m standing at the edge of a cliff and I don’t know whether to run back to safety or jump.
I’m sure other people who are looking for love are used to feeling this way, this terrifying uncertainty, but I’m used to knowing what to expect. I’m used to predictable. I’m not sure where to go from here, or what to think next. I have to take a few deep breaths to calm myself.
“Is everything ok?” She asks me softly.
I struggle to regain my composure before I finally nod. “Yeah, I’m fine. That was just intense,” I say, flashing her a smile.
Her cheeks color and she smiles. “Yeah, it was,” she murmurs.
We finish our walk around the garden, but I’m unable to concentrate on the rest of our conversation.
“I should take you home now. It’s getting late.” I tell her reluctantly when we make our way back to the gate.
She looks up at me in surprise (and maybe it’s my imagination, but I think I see disappointment, too) before nodding her head in agreement. I walk her back to the car and open her door for her.
Can you just drop me off where the auction was? My car is still there.”
I nod in response. I’m too much on edge to say anything right now. We sit in quiet the whole car ride over there, and I want to say something, but I’m too tangled in my own emotions.
When we arrive, she points me towards her car and I pull up beside it. She reaches for the door handle, then hesitates. “Thank you for a wonderful night.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad you enjoyed it,” I choke out.
She surprises us both by asking, “Maybe we can do it again sometime?”
I look down and see her leave one of her business cards on the passenger seat. My eyes widen in shock. “Um yes. I’ll call you and let you know.”
I watch her get into her car and pull out of her spot, and after a moment’s pause, I head out myself. When I stop at a red light, I look down at the card with her number. For some reason, I start to sweat. I force myself to think about something else, not wanting to get lost in my feelings or emotions. I don’t like feeling scared or confused.