Nothing Left to Lose (Guarded Hearts 1)

After a little while my stomach growled angrily, obviously chastising me for not waiting until after dinner before making my scene. I sighed and shook my head before getting up and searching out my sketchpad and charcoal before settling on the floor.

Sometime later, there was a knock at my door. “Go away!” I shouted.

Without permission, the door opened and Ashton walked in, smiling sheepishly. “Hey, I know you said go away but I’ve got something for you.”

I scowled at the intrusion. “Unless it’s a bottle of vodka, I don’t want it.”

“It’s better than a bottle of vodka,” he replied.

My interest was now piqued. “Really, what is it?”

He smiled and sat down next to me, crossing his long legs. He brought his arm out from behind his back and plopped a plate down in front of me. I gasped when I saw what it was, my mouth already filling with saliva at the thought of it. Chocolate fudge cake.

“You should’ve stuck around, the food was good,” he teased, smiling at me.

I burst into a fit of embarrassed giggles. “I’m really sorry about that, I can’t believe they did that, and then I said – well, you heard what I said. I’m sorry,” I apologised, grimacing.

He shrugged easily. “Hey, it could have been worse; at least you said I was a good f**k.”

Another round of giggles escaped as my face flamed with heat. “Sorry,” I muttered when I regained control of myself.

“No probs. I thought your dad was gonna kill me though. The look on his face!” he winced, shaking his head but looking amused at the same time.

“What did they say about me when I left?” I asked, cutting a chunk off the cake he’d brought.

“Not much, it was a little awkward. They mostly apologised for jumping to conclusions. They mean well; they’re just worried about you. I think they’re hoping that you’re going to get better, that there’s some magical cure out there and that one day you’re going to wake up and be their little girl again.”

“I’m not that girl anymore,” I muttered, eating the last mouthful of cake.

“I know that. I think they got their hopes up though.”

I nodded. I knew they wanted a quick fix, but I needed them to understand that I was broken and that no amount of fixing would ever make me right. There was always going to be a piece missing. Ashton cleared his throat.

“Listen, I’m sorry about earlier. What I did in the gym, I shouldn’t have done that, and I promise I’ll never do it again. It’s just that you were upset and I wanted to comfort you. It just happened, that’s all. I didn’t mean anything by it,” he said uncomfortably.

“Let’s just forget it, okay?” I suggested, shrugging it off.

He smiled gratefully. “Thanks.” He looked down and gasped. “Holy crap, that’s awesome!” he cried suddenly, picking up my sketchpad.

I looked down too; I had no idea what I had drawn because I wasn’t really paying attention. I looked at the page. It was the deck on the lake with the little row boat tied to the side of it; Ashton was standing on the deck running a hand through his hair. I gulped, embarrassed that I’d drawn a picture of him, half naked, and he’d seen it.

“This is incredible. You’re really talented, Anna. You want to be an artist or something?” he asked with wide eyes.

I nodded. “Yeah I guess.”

He was staring at the picture in apparent awe. “I’ve never had anyone draw me before.”

“You can have it if you want,” I offered, shrugging.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah sure, why not,” I said dismissively, taking the sketchpad and tearing it out.

He took it, smiling gratefully. “How come you’re not in it?” he asked, looking down at it again.

I shrugged. “How could I be in it? That’s my point of view, I can’t see myself.”

He smiled. “Right yeah, didn’t think of that. I wish you were in it though, that’d make the picture better.”

“Of course it would because I’m so beautiful,” I joked, shaking my head in amusement.

“Yeah, that’s right. Anyway, I’d better get going to bed, it’s getting pretty late.” He pushed himself up and was almost at the door when I remembered the photo that he was using as a bookmark.

“Oh, Ashton, wait, I’ve got something for you.” I crawled over to my desk drawer and pulled out the photo frame and bookmark that I sorted out for him earlier so that he wouldn’t have to ruin his photo. “Here.” I plopped the two items into his hands.

He looked down at them for a long time but didn’t speak.

I winced. He doesn’t like the frame. “Sorry it’s a bit girly. You don’t have to use it, I just thought it’d keep your photo safe, it obviously means a lot to you for you to bring it with you, so…” I trailed off, wishing I hadn’t given it to him in the first place.

His green eyes met mine, seeming like he was struggling to understand something. “This is great. Really thoughtful. Thank you, I love it.”

“No problem,” I replied uncomfortably, looking away from his intense gaze.

“Well, I’ll see you in the morning,” he mumbled as he walked out of the door.

“Yeah, good night, and thanks for the cake,” I called, smiling gratefully. After changing into pyjama shorts and tank top, I climbed into bed, exhausted.