Nothing Left to Lose (Guarded Hearts 1)

I’m sitting by the side of the pool. My arm aches. I look down at the enormous bruise that spreads across the top of my arm and covers my shoulder.

“There you are, Princess,” Carter says. My insides squirm as he sits down behind me on the lounge chair I’m stretched out on. “Mmm, you look good today,” he purrs, slipping his hand inside my bikini top to cup one of my br**sts.

“Carter, please, my shoulder’s sore.”

He sighs dejectedly and pulls me back so I’m leaning against his chest. His other arm wraps around me, pinning me to him. “I love you, Princess,” he whispers in my ear.

Disgust washes over me and I struggle not to show it. “Love you too,” I choke out. I hate saying the words; each one feels like it rips my heart out. His arm tightens on me as he lets out a contented sigh and lies back to soak up the Miami sunshine. I take a deep breath, knowing this probably won’t end well, but I have to ask. “Carter, can I call my mom? It’s her birthday today. Please, baby?” I beg, closing my eyes.

His body stiffens and he pulls his hand out of my bikini top quickly. “Princess, for f**k’s sake, why do you have to ruin a perfectly good moment by talking about them? I’m your family now, they’re nothing to you! Why can’t you just be happy? I make you happy, don’t I? I give you everything, but you’re so f**king ungrateful!” he shouts, pushing me away from him and climbing off the sun lounger. His angry eyes latch onto mine and I try not to flinch.

I nod quickly. “You make me happy, of course. I just thought I could say happy birthday,” I reply quietly. Why, why did I do that? Why did I have to bring them up again? So stupid, Anna!

His face softens as he sighs and pushes me down on the sun lounger, climbing on top of me. “Tell me you love me again,” he purrs, dipping his head and kissing my neck.

“I love you,” I lie quickly, not missing a beat.

One of his hands pushes down inside my bikini bottoms, and I bite the inside of my cheek. “You’re so hot, Princess,” he moans appreciatively. I close my eyes and turn my face away from his, not wanting to see him enjoy himself. “Tell me you’ve only ever loved me,” he instructs, tracing his tongue across the bruise on my shoulder.

My heart sinks as my blood seems to turn into ice in my veins. He is testing me again. “No,” I whisper. I won’t do that; I can’t do that to Jack.

His head snaps up, his eyes fill with rage. He looks so angry that I flinch. “Tell me you never loved him, Princess,” he growls through his teeth.

I shake my head sadly. “I can’t say that, Carter. I won’t,” I respond, knowing that he will beat me for it; he always does when I fail the test, but I can’t betray Jack like that. I hold my breath as he pulls his arm back and punches me full in the face.

I bolted upright, screaming. My breath was coming out in pants as I quickly put my head between my knees. Oh God, it was a dream! Just a dream. It’s over, I repeated over in my head.

My door slammed open and Ashton ran in with his gun and knife in his hands again, looking around my room. “You dreaming?” he asked, pointing his gun around my room. I nodded, and he visibly relaxed. “Shit! You need to stop doing this to yourself, I won’t let anyone hurt you, you have nothing to worry about,” he said fiercely.

He knelt down by the side of my bed, looking at me intently, taking my hand and rubbing his thumb across the back of it soothingly while I struggled to catch my breath.

When I calmed down, I looked at him apologetically. He looked so worried and concerned that I started to feel awful. “I’m sorry. I think you should change rooms,” I suggested weakly.

He stood up and walked quickly to the door. “I’ll be right back, okay?” he said as he walked out.

He came back less than a minute later with my book in his hand, wearing a pair of faded jeans and a white T-shirt. I frowned, silently wondering where he was going. Wordlessly, he gripped the back of my dresser chair and dragged it to the side of the bed, plopping himself down in it.

My eyes widened as I realised what he was doing. “No! No way, not again! Go to bed, Ashton, you’re not sitting in the chair all night again!” I protested, shaking my head adamantly. It was incredibly sweet of him, but he’d end up with a bad back if he sat up again all night.

He shrugged casually. “It’s fine, I’ll just sleep in the morning. We could make this work; I could go to sleep when we get in from school and then be up while you go to sleep in the night. It’ll work out fine,” he assured me, smiling.

I almost choked on air. He was offering to change his sleeping pattern because he thought it would help me? Clearly I’d underestimated what a nice guy he was. “No, just go to bed. This is my problem, not yours,” I retorted, angry at myself for disrupting his sleep.

He chuckled and shook his head. “It’s not up for debate. Now can you shush? I want to see if James kills Bella,” he scolded, glaring at me jokingly. I couldn’t help but laugh. He smiled. “Go to sleep, we’ll talk about it in the morning, okay?”

I sighed and flopped back into the bed, untangling myself from the sheets that had wrapped around me while I’d had my nightmare. I was disgusted with myself for being so screwed up that I was keeping someone else awake all night. I glanced over at him; he was reading with a small smile on his handsome face. It was hard to believe that real people actually looked like him.

After about ten minutes of trying, I couldn’t make myself fall asleep. I couldn’t let him do this, it wasn’t fair on him. It was my fault, yet he was paying for it. He’d probably end up falling asleep awkwardly again, and his back would ache all day tomorrow. The only solution I could see that might work was if I just let him sleep in here with me, maybe that would stop the dreams and then he’d be able to sleep too. The thought of him in my bed scared the life out of me. The only guy I had ever slept in a bed with was Carter; I shuddered and pushed the thoughts of him away quickly.