Nothing Left to Lose (Guarded Hearts 1)

I shook my head in rejection. “I’m sorry that I’m ruining your gift, but I’m not going,” I said sternly.

“Why?” she cried, looking hurt and a little annoyed.

“Anna, I don’t want to be without you for the weekend. You’ve done this so that I’ll have a nice birthday, am I right?” I asked, waving the itinerary at her, watching her face. She nodded and pouted, shooting me the begging face that I had zero resistance to. I groaned. Oh shit, not the face! Please don’t use the face on me because I can’t give in on this! “Well, I won’t have a nice birthday without you. I can’t leave you,” I explained, trying not to sound too much like an obsessive stalker.

A smile played on the edges of her mouth. She obviously liked what I’d said about not leaving her, and it made my insides do a flip. “But you’ll get to see your friends, go out with them and get drunk. You’ll probably get some birthday sex,” she teased.

I mentally sighed. It was so hard being in love with this girl when she had no idea. She was making a casual comment about me getting laid, when in all honesty, I was pretty sure that I’d never want sex again if it wasn’t with her. I just didn’t even see other girls anymore, everyone just looked so plain compared to her and I knew they always would.

“Anna, I’m not going. Thank you for the thought, it’s honestly the most special thing anyone has ever done for me, but I’m not spending my birthday without you.” That was the end of it. We were staying here and I would have the best birthday ever, even if I just got to hold her for a couple of seconds. Her eyes started to fill with tears and I felt my heart break. “Aww shit. Please don’t cry. I just want to spend my birthday with you,” I insisted, wiping her tears quickly and kissing her cheek tenderly. She was fighting for control; I knew she didn’t like to cry.

“I just wanted to give you a nice birthday,” she explained, her voice breaking.

“It’ll be the best birthday I’ve ever had, as long as I’m with you,” I promised. Nothing would ever top that; just waking up next to her on my birthday would make it the best ever.

She smiled weakly. “You’re just too damn sweet, Pretty Boy,” she whispered, making my heart beat faster and my hands itch to touch her soft skin, to hold her and caress her, and to finally be able to tell her that I loved her.

“You know they say that it’s the thought that counts? Well that’s true, and this thought blows my mind, so thank you.” I smiled, pressing my body against her side lightly, feeling her warmth seep into my skin and my legs brush against hers. Goosebumps broke out all over my body at the small contact of her skin on mine. I lay down next to her and sighed contentedly.

“Please think about it,” she begged, taking my hand and interlacing our fingers.

I shook my head. “I can’t. I don’t even want to think about a weekend away from you, I’d miss you too damn much. I’d be pining for you the whole time, which would suck big time.”

“But you’d get to see Nate,” she countered, obviously still trying to persuade me.

“Anna, the only way I’m going to LA is if you come with me,” I rebutted. Wait, that’s a great idea! I can take her with me to LA and introduce her to my friends, show her around where I live and the places that we’ve talked about! Excitement started to build in my chest at the thought of it. “Come with me,” I suggested, pushing myself up so I could look at her face. She laughed, obviously thinking I was joking. I raised one eyebrow, waiting for my offer to sink in.

Her smile slowly faded. “Seriously?”

I nodded eagerly. “Hell yeah! You want me to see my friends, and I want to be with you, so that’s a great solution.” I was already starting to plan it out in my head. I’d have to keep Nate and Seth away from her, they were total players and probably wouldn’t care that she was mine.

“Ashton, I can’t,” she laughed nervously, looking at me like I was crazy. She playfully pushed on my chest, so I grabbed her wrists, pinning her arms above her head. I rolled on top of her, being careful to keep my weight off her. My heart swelled at the fact that she let me do this to her. If anyone else – even her own mother – pinned her to the bed, she’d be going crazy, but she was smiling at me while I did it, her trust in me evident in her eyes. She wasn’t scared of me, and I loved it. She was meant to be with me, I just needed to make her see it too.

“Sure you can. I’ll get to introduce you to my friends. We’ll have to keep up the girlfriend charade though because they don’t know I’m assigned to you, they think I’m in Washington in Division Two,” I explained, grinning happily. This was going to be great. I could tell she wanted to, her eyes were excited, but she was trying to hide it from me.

“I’d love to come, but I can’t. Dean and Peter are getting time off too, I can’t ask them to give up the weekend, it’s been planned for weeks. We can’t even stay here, we’ll have to go to the lake house if you won’t go to LA,” she protested, shaking her head firmly.

I smiled persuasively. “How about I make you a deal?” I offered, smiling and pulling her arms higher above her head so her hands were touching. She looked so incredibly hot and trusting under me like that. I wanted to kiss her so badly that it was almost painful, but I wouldn’t, she wouldn’t want that.

“What kind of deal?” she asked.