caress of his voice around my name made my heart stutter. I never thought I would hear this boy say my name again. Even though I didn’t want it to, the sound of it set butterflies loose in my stomach.
I shook my head. He had no damn right to cause butterflies, not after breaking my heart, and my traitorous body should be with me on this one. Bitch. “Three years of silence, and then you just walk over and think you can pick me up and carry me around like a freaking caveman?” I pointed my finger at him, trying to even out my breathing. The anger was dissipating and I could feel my emotions swelling inside me, threatening to spill out. “You don’t get to do that, Jamie. You don’t get to pretend like nothing happened and swoop in like some knight in shining armor. You don’t get to pretend that you didn’t break my heart. You just don’t.” By the time I got to the last word, it was almost a whisper and my eyes were brimming with tears.
I couldn’t do this anymore, I couldn’t stand here in front of him and hold it together. Tears were imminent, and I refused to show him a single one. Behind him, I could see Stacey climbing down from the podium, making her way over. I turned on my heel, my eyes finding the exit, knowing she’d follow me out. I was just about to take a step when a hand closed around my wrist and I was pulled back, my body colliding with his.
I gasped, looking up into Jamie’s face. His eyes were heated, his jaw set as he stepped even closer to me, his grip on my wrist steely as his other hand came up to cup the side of my face, his fingertips threading into my hair. I didn’t have any time to react before his mouth covered mine.
I squeaked, my body going rigid as he pressed against me. His warmth seeped into me as his lips brushed softly against mine. The kiss was over in an instant, but he didn’t pull back. His nose brushed against mine as his breath fanned down across my lips and chin. He released my wrist, his hand sliding to cover my hip instead, the move giving me the opportunity to step away if I so wished. But I didn’t.
My body reacted of its own accord, my breath coming out in shallow gasps as I arched, pressing against every rock-hard inch of him. His body was so taut, firm, warm, and familiar that my heart raced in my chest. I stared at his mouth, at lips that had explored every inch of my body so lovingly, at the mouth that had whispered I love you while I was wrapped in his arms. A groan of longing built in my throat as I stared at that mouth.
Everything was forgotten: the pain, the heartache, the tears, the club we were in, the people watching; everything was gone in an instant, and I was lost in him.
So when his lips brushed mine for a second time, my eyes fluttered closed and I kissed him back, rejoicing in the blissful feelings a simple kiss from him could create. He groaned against my lips, his hand sliding around to my back, holding me tightly against him. A wave of longing and desperation hit me full force, so I gripped a fistful of his shirt, holding on for dear life as the kiss grew in intensity.
My legs weakened, but his strong hold around my waist kept me in place as the passion inside me spiked to levels it hadn’t reached in years. It was an all-consuming, I need to have you inside me now passion, almost painful it was so immense. It was a passion only Jamie had ever evoked in me.
When his lips parted and his tongue gently brushed across my bottom lip and an ache of longing built in my chest, I realized I hadn’t been kissed like this since Jamie. This want, this absolute need and desperation to be closer to someone, was something I’d only ever experienced with him. Toby had never made me feel this much, not with a kiss, not with an hour spent exploring each other’s naked bodies, not ever.
And as soon as his name entered my head, everything was over.
Toby. My fiancé. The guy who had given me a job and a reason to stay in England when I was so desperate not to go home, the guy who’d fixed me, the one who made me laugh when all I could see was darkness. Sweet, adorable, dependable Toby who absolutely did not deserve this.
The passion was gone in an instant, replaced by an anger so bright it made my palms itch.
Sliding my arms up between us, I shoved Jamie away from me, sucking in a couple of ragged breaths. Rage burned within me, heating my entire body. Without even knowing what I was doing, my hand came up and I slapped him across the face. Hard. The watching crowd gasped, their eyes wide and excited. I could see Stacey behind Jamie, her mouth open, her shock evident.
Jamie’s head whipped to the side with the force of the blow, but other than that small movement he didn’t react at all. Anger made my vision blurry, or maybe that was the tears that I could no longer hold at bay.
“You asshole! I’m engaged! You can’t just kiss me like that anymore. You had your chance and you blew it! You blew it, Jamie,” I shouted. I shook my head, dropping my eyes to the floor because I couldn’t look at his wounded expression for another second. “I honestly don’t know how you have the gall to even approach me, let alone kiss me after all this time,” I said. “Just leave me alone. I have enough shit to deal with without you coming in to complicate things and stir up stuff that belongs in the past.”
I turned and ran through the crowd, pushing my way through the gyrating people on the dance floor who were completely oblivious to any scenes that had happened at the back of the club, my eyes firmly locked on the green glowing sign with the words emergency exit on it. I ran away from him and, I thought, my problems. But as I burst through the fire escape door and into the dark, trash-filled alley at the side of the club, I realized that my problems were rooted deep within me and no amount of running would help.
I stopped and leaned against the cold brick wall, my fury still raging as I struggled to catch my breath. But as the fresh air dried my tears and new ones replaced them, it hit me that my anger wasn’t even directed at Jamie, not really. It was directed at me. He’d just been the scapegoat because it was easier to project it than take responsibility.
I’d kissed him back. That was what I was angry about. I’d kissed him back even though I was engaged to someone else. And I’d loved every freaking second of it. I hated myself for that.
CHAPTER 11
JAMIE
I WATCHED HER back disappear into the crowd, heading toward the side door to the club. My left cheek stung. She’d given me a damn good strike, but the slight pain was nothing compared to seeing the disdain in her eyes as she looked at me. I hadn’t been prepared for how much she would hate me. Seeing that look made my whole body cold.
“You had your chance, and you blew it,” she’d said. And I had, I really had. I’d given up the best thing that had ever happened to me. But not for the reasons she thought. She thought I’d cheated, she thought I didn’t love her, she thought I didn’t want her, and of course she did; those exact words had come from my lips. But the reality of it was, nothing could be further from the truth. I had always loved and wanted her. She was my life. I had just been trying to save her from wasting her time on someone who didn’t deserve her.
Right now, watching her copper hair disappear through the exit door, I wondered if I’d made a huge mistake all those years ago. Maybe I should have told her the truth, asked her to wait for me, and then once I was out, we could have built a life together if she was still willing. Maybe I’d been wrong to take the choice away from her.
I ground my teeth. I could still feel the ghost of her lips on mine, still feel the warmth of her body in my arms, her taste on my tongue. God, I’d missed her more than I’d even allowed myself to admit.
Before I even had a chance to think about it, I was on the move, heading after her.
“Hey!” Stacey cried behind me, her hand closing around my upper arm. I stopped and turned to look at her, meeting her icy stare. “Where the hell do you think you’re going? You’ve done enough, don’t you think?” she snapped, stepping in front of me, blocking my path to Ellie.
I frowned, my eyes flicking behind her as I watched the door swing closed and click into place. “I just need to talk to her.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and raised one eyebr
ow. “You have some nerve, Jamie, you really do. She doesn’t want to talk to you!”
“Look, Stacey, you can kill me with your eyes all you want, but I’m going out there to talk to her and you’re going to let me, or I’m going to have one of my staff come over and restrain you,” I warned.
“You really are a douchebag. I saw what you two had, how you were together. She would have done anything for you, and you just threw it all away and broke her heart. She might not want to tell you how much of an asshole you are, but I have no problem saying it. You, Jamie Cole, are a prize dick, and she’s better off without you.”
A small laugh escaped my lips at the words and the venom that went into them. Stacey hated me—that was glaringly apparent. But she’d never be able to hate me as much as I hated myself.
“Straight to the point, no mincing your words. I always liked that about you,” I replied. I bent to look in her eyes before she could make the bitchy comeback I could see brewing. “Look, you’re a good friend, and Ellie is lucky to have you, but I told you I’m going out there to talk to her whether you like it or not.”
I signaled Ed, who had begun walking over to me earlier but had stopped a few feet away, and nodded toward Stacey. “Hold this one for five minutes. In five minutes you can let her go,” I ordered, sidestepping as Ed instantly reached for her, wrapping his large hands around her upper arms, holding her in place as he whistled for one of the security guards to come over and help restrain her.