Ignoring Stacey’s roar of protest and struggles behind me, I headed for the door, stopping next to Carl and digging into my pocket for my car keys. “Get my car and bring it to the side alley. There’ll be two girls out there in a few minutes who will need a ride. I want you to drive them and make sure they get home safely. Understand?”
He nodded, so I dropped the keys into his outstretched palm and pushed on through the door and into the alley. I squinted into the darkness, letting my eyes adjust to the dimness of the night. I heard her before I saw her. She was on the other side of the alley, leaning against the wall, crying softly.
My heart sank at the sound. I hated the fact that she was sad and that I’d been the cause of it. She looked up as the door opened, her posture stiffening as she reached up to swipe at her eyes.
“I told you to leave me alone,” she snapped, anger still fizzing in her tone.
“I just wanted to come and see if you were okay. I didn’t want to leave things like that,” I said. “We have too much history for those to be the last words between us.”
She sniffed and looked down at her hands, but didn’t say anything else. I’d never seen her so low. Ellie was usually such a bright spirit, soaring high, but now it was like her wings had been clipped. All I wanted to do was close the distance between us and wrap my arms around her, shield her from all the hurt, be there to support her. My whole body ached seeing her so sad.
“This is kinda awkward. I mean, what are you supposed to say to the guy who cheated on you and left you to fend for yourself in a foreign country?” she asked, her voice sarcastic as she stared at the floor.
Her words cut like a knife because none of it was true. I cleared my throat, hoping my voice would work. “Um...how about, ‘Hi, how are you?’ ” I joked, just trying to lighten the atmosphere a little.
She laughed softly, but it was humorless, not one of her heartfelt laughs or the little giggle that I loved to death. The weight of the world was inside that laugh, and all I wanted to do was lift it off her.
I sighed and walked to her side, leaning on the wall next to her. I wished I could close the gap, take her hand, stroke the back of it, raise it to my mouth, and kiss her fingertips. I missed the closeness we used to have, even with just the simplest contact. I hadn’t had that intimacy with anyone else. Since her, it just didn’t appeal. It was Ellie or nothing.
“It is awkward,” I admitted. “Look, I’m sorry I kissed you, all right? I was shocked to see you. I hadn’t ever expected you to be in my club and I just...I don’t even know...you were there, and I hadn’t seen you in so long, and you looked so beautiful, and you were walking away from me, and I couldn’t let you. I just...” I stopped talking, frowning down at the floor because I couldn’t express myself properly. I always rambled and said the wrong thing when I was around her.
Silence hung in the air and stretched on for what seemed like forever, the only sounds the muted music creeping through the door, until finally she spoke. “Red’s is your club?” she questioned, obviously choosing to ignore my “you looked so beautiful” remark.
“Yeah,” I replied, waving my hand at the posters stuck on the side of the building, advertising upcoming themed or party nights. The logo of the club blazed from the top—a redheaded girl in a white crop top and red shorts, holding a tray of drinks while winking seductively. Ellie didn’t say anything, and I wondered if she picked up the significance of the name or the beautiful red-haired girl I’d had drawn there. “I have a few bars across town and couple in Queens too, but this one is my favorite,” I said.
She licked her lips slowly, seeming to be deep in thought. “So you’re not into stealing cars anymore, then?”
“Not tonight,” I answered, sidestepping the truth.
Her nose scrunched up, her lips twisted in thought. “What happened to you, Jamie? You wanted out of all this stuff. You said you wanted to go straight...or was that just a lie, too?” she asked, her eyes meeting mine.
You happened. Brett happened. Everything happened. Nothing happened.
I shrugged. “I guess I lost my reason to change.”
Her forehead creased with a frown, and she studied me carefully before speaking again. “Why did you come over and batter that guy? I was handling it myself. You didn’t need to jump in and go all macho like that. Now you’re bound to get in trouble for it.”
I shrugged, not looking away as I answered truthfully. “I was jealous.”
Her mouth popped open. “You have no right to be anymore.”
“I know.”
“I’m engaged,” she continued.
“I know.”
She swallowed awkwardly. “He’s a really good guy; he takes care of me. I...I love him.”
I nodded slowly, trying to keep the hurt from showing. “I know that, too.”
Her eyebrows knitted together at my responses. “How could you possibly know that?”
I smiled ruefully, unsure how to admit that I was basically her stalker and that I had people check in on her to make sure she was happy. Thankfully, as if someone was sending me some sort of reprieve, the side door to the club squeaked open and I turned to see Ed standing there.
“It’s been five minutes, Kid,” he said.
I held up one finger. “I just need another minute or two,” I answered, silently telling him to keep Stacey inside for a little longer. He nodded and went inside again, closing the door behind him.
I turned my attention back to Ellie. “I never thought I would see you again. You were traveling for so long that I figured you’d never come back.”
She kicked at the wall with the heel of her sneaker, a small sob hitching in her throat. “Yeah, well, I had to come back.”
Sighing, I reached up and dragged a hand through my hair, wanting to keep my hands busy because they were itching to touch her. “Yeah, I heard about what happened on the news. I’m so sorry about your dad.” Loss and sadness swelled inside me. “He was one of the good guys.”
She raised her chin, her eyes flicking up to the sky as she blinked a couple of times, probably trying to quell her tears. “Yeah. Sucks,” she croaked.
I turned my head, watching her, taking in every mesmerizing inch of her, committing her to memory. If possible, she looked even more stunning than she had three years ago.
“How’s your mom?” I asked, even though I already knew. I’d made a few calls, asked around, had people everywhere. I reached out, brushing my little finger against hers, reveling in that small touch of skin on skin, wishing
I could steal more of it, but she whipped her hand away quickly, hugging herself across her middle.
Ellie scowled over at me. “As if you care. You never liked her.”
I recoiled from her anger. She was like a little feral cat, poised and ready to strike. “I care, Ellie,” I replied firmly. No, I had never liked the woman and the feeling was mutual, but I cared because she was important to Ellie. I would always care about things that had the power to hurt someone I loved.
She stared at me for a few seconds, her hard eyes locked on mine before they softened and her lip trembled and she closed her eyes. “She’s in the hospital still. There’s a ventilator helping her breathe. It’s bad.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Everyone always says that. Like it’s their fault or something. Every person I called up and told about my dad today said sorry to me, every single one. I’m kind of sick of the word,” she said.
I sighed and edged closer to her, noting how she didn’t move away this time and how my arm gently pressed against her side. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
She shook her head, the movement making our bodies brush against each other where we were so close. “I’ve done everything and arranged the funeral. There’s not much left to do.”
“You’ve made the funeral arrangements?” I questioned, hating that she had to do that and take responsibility for something so morbid.
“Yeah.”
“When is it? I’d like to come, if that’s okay.” Michael Pearce had meant a lot to me, had always shown me kindness and treated me like I was one of the family. He’d never thought I wasn’t good enough for his daughter.
She gasped and pushed away from the wall, rounding on me, her eyes furious again. “No. It’s not okay. Toby will be there and everything else is going to be hard enough already.”