My legs were too weak to fly.
My body shaking and full of shock, but I never stopped walking.
I walked past Forrest’s paddock without a goodbye.
I walked past Hope as she appeared by the wooden gate, eyes wild and hands plastered over her mouth.
I walked away from all of it.
Everyone.
Everything.
I’d kept one promise for eleven years.
Now, I had another one to keep.
Stay.
Go.
I was their son, an orphan, free.
I didn’t stop until I vanished into the trees.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Hope
* * * * * *
“DAD?” I coughed around snotty tears.
“What is it, Little Lace?” His voice instantly went on high alert, the protective father, the kind parent. His love made me cry even harder.
My head bowed as I stood in the kitchen of a woman who no longer existed.
A woman who’d been so kind and wonderful.
A woman who’d been alive this morning and now…was gone.
How was that possible?
How could this be?
“Hope? You there? What happened?”
My tears came faster, my coughs came thicker as I broke down in a way I hadn’t been able to when standing on the outskirts of the paramedics as they tried to bring Della back.
I sank to the tiled floor, leaning against cabinetry its owner no longer needed.
“Dad…”
“Stop crying for one second, Hope. I need to know what’s going on. Are you hurt? Injured? What can I do?”
“She’s…gone.”
“Who’s gone?”
I sobbed harder, flashes of Della laughing as we rode together, snippets of Della beside me on the couch as we watched TV. Memories of her hugging me and soothing me when her son had made my life a nightmare.
“Hope, tell me right now. Do you need me to come there?”
The thought of him being here.
To have his comforting presence beside me at the funeral.
I wanted that more than I could say.
Jacob was missing.
No one knew where he’d gone.
I hadn’t been there for him. I’d been too weak to stay healthy, and I’d let him down by hiding myself away with this stupid flu.
He had no one.
And everyone else on this farm had lost just as much.
They were wrapped up in their own grief.
Cherry River had shut down the moment Della’s body was carted away in the ambulance.
I was alone.
I didn’t want to be alone anymore.
Sucking in a sob, I coughed. “Della died, Dad. She’s dead.”
Silence answered me before Dad let out a low groan. “Christ. I’m jumping on a plane this afternoon. Don’t move.”
He hung up.
I wished he hadn’t hung up.
I wanted someone to tell me that it would be okay.
That the two women in my life who I’d loved as a mother hadn’t truly left me.
That it wasn’t my fault they had died.
“Dad?” I whispered into the empty phone. “Dad? Please…come fix this.”
Cradling the phone, I slipped into a foetal position on the kitchen floor.
And cried.
* * * * *
“Oh, sweetie.” A soft hand landed on my shoulder, rousing me.
I opened gritty, tear-swollen eyes, meeting the gaze of Cassie.
Her hair was tangled and unruly. Cheeks splotchy and clothes hanging lank off a grieving body.
“Ho-how are you?” I asked around another cough, fighting the cold kitchen floor to creep upward against the cabinets.
“How am I? I think I need to ask you that.” Cassie smiled gently. “How long have you been down there?”
I blinked at the night-filled house. Dusk had descended, followed by evening. I’d lost track of time, drifting off into sadness.
“I don’t know.” With her help, I clambered to my feet. I coughed again, needing to blow my nose and breathe.
This awful flu wasn’t giving me any reprieve.
And now, I had no one to pop me painkillers with a motherly smile.
Another burn of tears threatened to drown me.
Rubbing my nose, I stared at the toaster, doing my best not to sob.
“I’m sorry no one came for you, Hope.”
I shook my head quickly. “Don’t apologise. Please, please don’t apologise. I’m the one who should. I’m so sorry about De…” I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t make it so real.
We stood in terrible tension, hearts beating with sorrow. I rubbed my nose again, hating the tickle of sickness when bleakness was enough of a curse. “Where’s Jacob?”
“No one has seen him since—” Her breath hitched, and fresh tears spilled down her face. “Since Della passed away.” Shaking her head, she let me go and busied herself by turning on the lights and pouring a glass of water. “He’s probably gone into the forest. He’ll be okay.”
She was most likely right about the forest but not right about being okay.
If I weren’t so sick, I’d go after him.
I’d tramp through the forest in the dead of night and find him. He needed to know he wasn’t alone. If someone didn’t find him soon, he’d disappear in every way possible.
I knew that in the depth of my being.
Jacob needed someone to reach out and pull him back from the abyss.
To hug him.
If no one did, he’d shut down, and it would be too late.