It was probably already too late.
My chest ached as more tears welled, this time not just for Della but for Jacob.
I’d failed both of them.
I’d hidden from Jacob after an incredible kiss. I’d loved his mother like she was my own. I’d overstepped, over-pushed, and overstayed on every occasion. And Della had said it gave her peace knowing I was there for Jacob when she couldn’t be.
I’d earned her trust.
She’d only been gone a few hours, and I’d already let her down.
God, the thought of her in some astral plane, watching her son break down while I curled up on her kitchen floor hurt so, so much.
“Have you eaten?” Cassie asked. Before I could answer, she laughed tightly. “What am I saying? Of course, you haven’t.” Brushing her hands on her jeans, she cocked her chin. “Come on. You’re sleeping at my place tonight.”
“I need to find Jacob.”
“It’s past midnight, Hope. You’re not going into the forest in the dark.”
“But he needs us.”
“He needs to be alone right now. To process everything.”
I bit my lip. I didn’t want to argue with Jacob’s aunt—after all, she knew him better than me—but the creeping dread filling my stomach said otherwise.
Jacob was almost out of our reach.
“Come on.” Cassie moved wearily toward the door. “Let’s go.”
“But—”
“No buts, Hope. Not tonight.” Her eyes flashed, followed by more tears. “Please. Let’s just…rest. After all, tomorrow is another day.”
My heart clenched. I’d quoted the same thing.
Gone with the Wind.
At least in that tale, Scarlett and Rhett were still alive. In this one, both were dead.
All my strength vanished.
I had no power to argue, run into the forest, or even to head to Jacob’s old room and grab a pair of pyjamas.
I was literally depleted and almost collapsed back onto the kitchen floor.
Cassie held out her hand, and I took it with a wash of fresh tears.
I cried for Jacob and Della, but I also cried for me.
I’d lost them both before I’d ever truly had them, and the thought of no longer being in this crypt of a house was a welcome one.
I didn’t look back as Cassie squeezed my fingers and guided me outside.
My back stiffened as she closed the door behind us, the click all too final.
All too loud on an ending of someone’s life.
Della would never walk over that threshold again.
I just hoped Jacob would.
Tomorrow is another day.
I’d find him.
I wouldn’t let him disappear.
Standing on the deck, Cassie and I breathed in night air, fighting misery.
“Where…where is she?” I dared ask, keeping my gaze on the deck beneath my sneakered feet.
“At the hospital.” Cassie sniffed, shaking her head as tears glittered on her cheeks. “She had her funeral plan already arranged. She’ll be cremated, and we’ll hold a simple funeral in two days.”
“So soon?”
“It’s what she wanted. Her wishes stated if she could no longer be with us and Jacob, she wanted to be with Ren as soon as possible.” A sob caught in her throat. “She’ll be scattered in the same place he was.”
Fresh tears stung my eyes as they cascaded unbidden.
How much could one person cry?
I didn’t remember crying this much when my own mother committed suicide.
And that made me wretched because how dare I mourn a woman who wasn’t mine more than my own flesh and blood?
But Della had been there for me. She’d cared for me. She’d wanted to spend time with me.
And…I loved her for that.
Now, I missed her more than anything.
* * * * *
“Ah, Little Lace.”
I looked up from the rocker where I’d sat since three a.m. The rocker where John Wilson smoked a pipe sometimes, surveying Cherry River and its lovely rolling meadows and perfect pony paddocks.
After a midnight snack of scrambled eggs on toast, Cassie made up the spare room for me. I’d smiled gratefully and closed the door, blocking the sound of other people’s tears so I could indulge in my own.
But I couldn’t sleep.
I couldn’t close my eyes because every time I did, I saw Jacob out there, alone, covered in dirt and blood, his face vacant of humanity, his heart shattered into irreparable pieces.
I’d crept outside, intending to chase after him.
I’d stood on the deck and tried to visualise the path he’d taken me to go camping.
But as I’d pulled on sneakers and wrapped a jacket around my never-ending chill, utter exhaustion added lead to my legs.
Sorrow slammed into me like a wrecking ball, smashing my knees, sending me tumbling into the rocker.
I promised myself I’d rest for just a few minutes.
I coughed and sneezed and bargained with my health that any second now I would be cured enough to gallop through the forest after Jacob.
They were lies.
My eyes closed on their gritty grief, and sleep dragged me under.
But now, it was dawn, and I was no longer alone.
Dad was here.
I thought I’d cried every drop.