“What I’m doing?” His large, warm hand landed on mine, stopping my progress, gripping me hard. “How about what you’re doing?”
“I thought that was obvious.”
“You’re upset.” His fingers twitched around my wrist, his eyes shouting their love but his body rigid with refusal. “I get it. I know it’s my fault, but whatever you’re doing isn’t the way to fix—”
“Please.” I bit my lip, stemming sudden tears. “Please prove to me that nothing has changed when it’s all I can worry about. Please let me make love to the only man I’ve ever wanted. Please convince me that this fear inside—this fear that is slowly growing—is completely crazy and irrational. I need to know you’re okay. I need to know we’re okay. I need—” I stopped as a cry spilled from my lips, revealing just how knotted I was over this.
Over our distance.
Over childhood fear that he didn’t want me anymore.
Over adult terror that life wasn’t infinite like fairy-tales but a war for every moment.
“Fuck.” He let me go only to wrap me in his strong embrace. “Nothing has changed, Little Ribbon. I promise.”
“Prove it.” I stayed stiff in his arms. “Sleep with me.”
A tormented chuckle bubbled in his chest. “I’m not taking advantage of you when you’re like this. We should talk. Why didn’t you tell me you were so worried?” The softness of his worn, blue sweater was warm, the thud of his heart familiar. My body responded to what it had always considered safe, and my spine relaxed even as I fought to stay angry.
“You know I love you. How many times have I told you that? Nothing can drive us apart, Della. I know I hurt you with my knee-jerk reaction when we first arrived, but nothing has changed.”
He ducked and kissed me sweetly, tasting my tears. “See? I love you. I’m in love with you. Everything is fine.”
I blinked, lips tingling and heart smarting. “Kiss me again.”
“Not tonight.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re worked up over something I don’t understand. I’m sorry about before, I truly am. But anything else you’re worried about is completely ridiculous, and I won’t be pushed into sleeping with you. Not when you’re like—”
“My fears aren’t ridiculous, Ren.”
“I didn’t mean they were.”
“Is it ridiculous that I love you so much I can barely breathe at the thought of losing you?”
“What?” Temper lashed through his voice. “Why the hell would you lose me?”
“I don’t know. You tell me.”
“Is this about Cassie?” His eyes blackened. “Don’t you trust me?” His question was soft but lethal, daring me to give light to my terrors when, up until a few days ago, I trusted him with my life.
I sighed, defeated and fully aware I was at fault. “Of course, I trust you.”
“So, you’re not driving yourself insane thinking I’m going to leave you for Cassie?”
I flinched. “I won’t deny it was hard at first, but I know what we have supersedes all that.”
“Then…” His head tilted, hair caressing his forehead. “What is this really about?”
“It’s about us.” I shrugged helplessly. “It’s about me needing you and…and I don’t like this distance between us.” I looked down. “I was wrong to keep our relationship a secret. The longer we don’t tell people, the more I worry it’s even real.”
His finger tipped my chin up. “It’s real, Della. More real than anything in the world.”
“I needed to hear that.” I half-smiled.
He tucked a curl behind my ear. “You’re forgetting you’re the one who wanted to hide. I wanted to tell everyone the truth.”
“I was wrong.” Reaching for him, I brushed my mouth on his. “Please…take me to bed. Let’s just forget I made a mess of this.”
I chickened out.
I’d picked this fight to address that annoying little cough.
I’d stewed in stress so I would have the guts to order him to see a doctor.
But, somehow, none of that mattered anymore.
I just wanted him.
Inside me.
Around me.
With me.
Our lips touched before he shook his head with a soft groan. “I can’t sleep with you in this room, Little Ribbon.”
My eyes snapped wide. “Why?”
“There are too many memories here.”
My heart fluttered, tasting progress. “So? Memories are just memories.”
“Memories have a way of driving me insane.” His tongue wet his lips, his gaze drawn to my mouth. His voice denied me, but his body reacted. “So many memories of so many things between us.”
“But don’t you see?” My hand landed on his chest, sliding down until I pressed my palm against his erection. “That’s why we need to make new ones.”
He hissed between his teeth. “Stop.”
My bravery at addressing so many things had flown out the window, but I wouldn’t let him deny me. Not in this. Not when we desperately needed to connect.
“I want you, Ren.” Sinking to my knees, I tugged his jeans and boxers down in one smooth glide. They bunched around his knees as his cock bounced free.