I didn’t hesitate.
I licked him, inserting him into my mouth.
“Fucking hell.” His hand fisted in my hair, holding me tight as he crippled under my control. “Della.” His belly clenched as he rolled over me, hugging my head as I licked and sucked, doing my best to shatter him.
For a second, I thought I’d won.
He sucked in a wobbly breath, his body swelling in my mouth.
But then that damn side of him that protected me at all costs resurfaced and, with a savage growl, he pushed me away. “Della…no.” He staggered sideways, tripping to the centre of the bedroom, doing his best to hoist up and rearrange his jeans. “Are you trying to kill me, woman?”
His anger and denial hurt, but not the same as before.
I kind of understood now.
I sort of finally saw.
This wasn’t about me at all.
This was about this room.
This place.
I thought I’d had it hard here.
That lying in bed jealous and petty was painful.
But really…I hadn’t.
Yes, Ren had always been forbidden, but at least, he hadn’t been a mortal sin.
Me…on the other hand.
If Ren had felt the slightest tug toward me—a tug that overstepped even the smallest of margins…then I could understand why this room wasn’t just a room.
Because I hadn’t just been a girl he wanted; I had been a child.
A child who meant more to him than anything else in the world.
A living, breathing nightmare.
This room had become his judge and executioner, its very walls, furniture, and windows condemning him for every dream he might have had, for every fanciful wish, for every fleeting thought.
God, I’m sorry.
Pushing off my knees, I let go of my anger. I drowned in apology. I moved toward him as gently and as carefully as I could because he was spooked and hurting, and I’d been the one to do it.
“You truly did love me, didn’t you?” I whispered.
His gorgeous coffee eyes widened, his chest rising and falling. “Of course, I love you.”
“That wasn’t what I said.” Pressing my fingers to his heart, I hated that he flinched. That his sun-bronzed hair shivered as he stayed tight and wound as if he’d bolt at any moment. “You loved me more than you should, even before I kissed you.”
His face contorted. “I-I loved you as a brother.”
“No, you loved me as something more.” Tears trickled down my face at the truth—the exquisite, agonising truth. I wrapped my arms around his waist, not caring he still had his jeans bunched in one hand, hiding his decency. “I’m sorry, Ren.”
He rippled with stress, not hugging me back. “Della, I—”
Those two words were an arrow, shooting from the bow of his mouth, ricocheting around the room until they punctured us through the heart.
In their simplicity, they admitted everything.
His head came down and his lips sought mine with a level of devotion and need that transcended time and logic. His arms banded around me, fierce and possessive. And the ice in his muscles cracked, melted, and cascaded away in a waterfall of released tension.
“I didn’t realise until we’d left.” Burying his face in my hair, his entire body quaked as if this was his true confession. “I didn’t know. You have to believe me. I was a kid. You were mine. There was no other future I could think of that you weren’t there beside me.”
“It’s okay.” I stroked his back, being the rock he’d always been for me.
How had I not seen it? It wasn’t me or my kiss that made him realise there was something more.
There had always been something more.
Our love hadn’t honoured boundaries fashioned by age or circumstance. Our love had thrown us together and told us the truth way too early.
It had laughed in our face and said, ‘This is the person you will adore forever. This is the person designed, crafted, and perfected for you. But you can’t touch them. Not yet. Not for decades. Not until you’re worthy of the gift I’ve given you.’
Time, it seemed, had a nasty sense of humour.
Time had hurt Ren far worse than it had me.
“Being back here makes me wonder if I ever overstepped,” Ren murmured. “It makes me second-guess everything. Every time I touched you, what was I thinking? Every time I kissed you, what did it mean? Every time I saw you naked, was I averting my eyes like I thought, or was I watching you when I shouldn’t?”
He exhaled with a ragged groan. “I don’t know anymore. I don’t know if I did right by you, or if all along I was some perverted—”
“Stop.”
He sucked in a breath, his chest heaving as if he’d run miles.
“Trust me when I say this, Ren Wild, you were and are the most honourable man I’ve ever known. I understand how you could second-guess. I know how time can play tricks and make you remember different things. But I need you to listen now because not once did you make me feel awkward around you. Your touches were strictly brotherly. Your kisses perfectly pure. I grew up so safe and happy because I knew you adored me. I knew we were special. I knew we had something that no one else could ever steal or share. So please, Ren. Please don’t let the past damage what we have or make you fear you did anything wrong. Because you didn’t. Not a single moment was wrong. Not a single—”