Michelle comes in right then. “Oh! Shit! He’s quick, got out of the car and was running before I even got it in park,” she says apologetically. “Allyson, Cooper got you something . . .” She tilts her head, urgently pointing with her thumb like she’s trying to give me a topic to address other than the near-naked state Bruce and I are in.
I give Michelle a ‘duh’ look because I obviously already tried that, but I try again. “What’d you get, Cooper?”
I guess the third time’s the charm because he blinks and brings his hand out from behind his back to show me a teddy bear. It’s pale blonde and fluffy with a heart on the white belly. “I won a bear for you.”
“Oh, my gosh! It’s adorable!” I squeal, dropping to my knees beside him. I hug him, turning him slightly so he’s not waist-level with Bruce. “Thank you so much. Have you named him yet?”
Cooper smiles, giving me a slight reprieve from the horror of being busted. “Not yet. I thought we could name him together. I got the lightest one they had so he’d match your room.”
Tears pop to my eyes. “That’s . . . that’s so sweet, honey. Thank you.” I hug him again, but the moment’s gone as far as he’s concerned because he’s doing that infamous kid shrug-cringe combo to let me know I’m overdoing it on the affection.
“Want me to put him on your bed?” Cooper asks innocently.
“NO!” My voice is too loud, too sharp, but I cannot have Cooper going in there when the bed is still mussed from Bruce and me having sex, last night and again this morning. I’ll need to wash the sheets or at least make the bed before he goes in there. That’s normal, right? I make a mental note to read up on that.
I adjust my voice to a more normal manner of speaking, correcting myself. “I mean, let’s just set him right here on the counter while we eat breakfast, okay?” He nods and points to a place by the coffee pot.
Bruce clears his throat, his back going straight. “Uhm, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go take a leak.”
I blink, not used to the crassness, but I guess it’s better than saying he’s going to go get dressed. I definitely don’t want to call any more attention to our lack of clothing.
He steps toward the doorway, but Michelle doesn’t move, instead daringly staying right in his way. Bruce looks down at her, one brow raised, and greets her with a cocky smirk. “G’morning, Michelle.”
“It is a rather lovely morning, Coach B. Even with the chill from the fridge, a quite lovely morning indeed.” She’s fighting back laughter, and I swear Bruce turns the faintest shade of pink, but to his credit, he doesn’t slink away down the hall.
No, he damn near struts like a peacock. He’s got the right to because Michelle’s not wrong. even with the cold of the fridge shrinking things, Bruce is well-endowed enough that those boxer briefs don’t hide much.
Michelle’s eyes follow him, even going so far as to lean back so she can catch one more glimpse. “Hey!” I snap.
She looks back at me, grinning like the Cheshire Cat as she mouths Huuuuge. Pervert.
Cooper’s voice interrupts the talking to I want to give Michelle. He’s trying to drop it down lower than his little boy tenor, quoting near-verbatim. “Excuse me, Mom. I’m gonna take a leak.”
And with that, he runs off down the hall.
I freeze, and then slowly, my head turns to find Michelle’s mouth hanging open too. Then we both burst into giggles.
“If he teaches Liam that, I’m blaming you,” she says through her laughter. And then her eyes go wide and she grabs my shoulders, shaking me. “Oh, my God, Allyson! I texted you like thirty minutes ago so you’d be ready in case you had company. Guess you were too busy to see the message?”
I think I may have to get a new phone because I never heard it make a peep. No text message alert, not even a buzz. Once is a glitch. Twice is a problem.
“I never got it. This is bad, isn’t it? I mean, Cooper’s probably scarred for life and I’m going to get the Worst Mom award. I think the only thing worse than your kid walking in on your mostly-naked morning-after would be his walking in on your actually having sex.”
I’m panicking, verging on hysterical. But I’ve never done this, never even thought about doing this, and have not read the handbook on introducing your kid to a new guy. But I’m sure it recommends not doing it with the guy in his underwear and you in his shirt.
“He’s fine, or he will be. Just talk to him. He didn’t care at all that you were going on a date. Allyson, remember that he’s got friends whose parents are married, divorced, and dating. Kids are flexible and accepting. If you don’t treat it like a big deal, he won’t either.” She seems pretty sure of herself and it’s helping me calm down.