Before You

It was an interesting answer.

One I thought about and held on to as I moved in the other direction to avoid more people. Jared stepped with me, his hand still a whisper on my back.

Instead of addressing it, I pointed at the building up ahead. “That’s me.”

He didn’t follow my finger; his attention stayed on my face. And he looked at me with a gaze so deep and intense that I couldn’t feel the ground beneath me. Before I fell, I turned my focus to the sidewalk until we were only feet away from my entrance.

With my stomach a mix of knots and fluttering, I came to a stop. Jared was only an arm’s length away.

“Thank you for walking me home.” My fingers rubbed together, trying to move some of this nervous energy. “And for everything.”

“Tell me you’re ready.”

I waited to see if he was going to say more. “Ready …” And then it came to me, my hands now clenching together. “No, I’m not ready.”

“Then, it looks like we’ll have to meet again.”

He wasn’t going to stop until I said yes.

I didn’t know if that made him the most wonderful man or the scariest. I just knew he was asking me to face my fear, and I couldn’t handle that yet.

“How’s Thursday?” he asked. “Remember, it’s your pick.”

That was five days from now.

I didn’t have to look. “I’ll think of something, and I’ll text you.”

Every headlight that came by flashed across his face. I didn’t need the reminder; I knew just how handsome he was. How mature and protective, at an age I found so attractive even if he was seventeen years older than me.

“Good night, Billie.”

“Good night,” I said, and I reached forward and wrapped my arms around his neck.

His hands pressed harder against my lower back, and I tightened my grip. Even though I wasn’t small, I felt that way against him. Just as I was getting used to the feel of his body, finding a cove where I fit just right, he backed away.

As he did, my hands fell to his chest, and he halted, so they stayed there.

He glanced at them and then back at my face. “Billie …”

His voice was so quiet that it made me watch his mouth. I knew it already. Every dip. I could even guess what it felt like. But I still stared.

And when I knew his had to be on me, my gaze lifted to his eyes, and I said, “You can kiss me, Jared.” My chest was pounding so hard that I was surprised I could say any words at all.

His exhale was deep, almost feral. “Billie …” he repeated but harder this time. “Listen to me.”

I didn’t know his hands were still on me, but I felt them on my back.

“I want to help you get through this, and putting my mouth all over you”—his eyes dropped, and so did my stomach—“is only going to complicate things and make it messy as hell between us.” His fingers rose, going to my chin, holding it steady. “Let’s work on getting the old Billie back.”

He only wanted to make me better.

And because of that, I had no words.

All I had were emotions—in my chest, in my throat, in my heart. They were swirling between each place, shooting back and forth. A circle that was moving so fast that I couldn’t hold on.

“Text me when you decide about next week.”

“Okay,” I answered before adding, “Good night,” and then I stepped back, my hands dropping from his chest, his fingers falling from my chin.

I walked toward the door. I waved my fob in front of the reader and went into the lobby. I didn’t glance behind me through the glass entrance before I stepped into the elevator.

I didn’t breathe either.

I couldn’t.

Because until I arrived in the elevator, I could still feel his eyes on me, and my body was screaming louder than I’d ever heard.

THIRTY-NINE

JARED

I STOOD outside Billie’s building, watching her walk through the lobby and disappear into the elevator. From this angle, I couldn’t see the door slide shut, but I was sure she was safe. Normally, I would have walked her there to ensure it, but I didn’t trust myself to get any closer.

Not when it had taken everything in my fucking power to keep myself from kissing her.