I swallowed again. A knock sounded. “Fina, are you awake?”
Samuel. It was already late and what he was really asking was if I was okay. I wasn’t. I should be getting ready, should play my part, be strong for appearance’s sake.
“Come in,” I said.
He opened the door and stepped in, already dressed in dark pants and a royal blue dress shirt. His eyes took in my rumpled state. He moved toward me and crouched down in front of me. “What’s wrong?”
I considered keeping my suspicion to myself, but it was a truth I wouldn’t be able to hide from them. If it really was true …
I met his gaze. “I think I’m pregnant.”
Samuel froze, eyes widening in shock. “You mean …” He swallowed, staring at my flat stomach. His expression twisted with anger, sadness and worse … disgust.
Disgust, because this was Remo’s baby. He leaned his forehead against my thigh and released a shuddering breath.
“I will kill him. I swear it. One day I’m going to kill Remo Falcone in the cruelest way possible.”
I touched his head. “Can you … can you get Mom? I need a pregnancy test. I need to know for sure.”
Samuel straightened and stood. With a last glance at me, he left. I couldn’t move. If I was pregnant with Remo’s child … I couldn’t even finish the thought. I didn’t want to, not yet, not before I had certainty.
A few minutes later, Mom stepped in, her face pale. We looked at each other before she walked toward me and touched my cheek. “Whatever happens, we’ll get through this, Fina. We will get through this.”
“I know,” I said. “Can you get a test for me?”
“I will ask Valentina. Maybe she’s got a spare test. She and Dante are trying for another child.”
Mom dropped her hand and left the room. I stood, taking a deep breath. Maybe there was another explanation, but deep down I knew the truth.
Mom returned with a test. I took it from her with shaking hands. “Can you leave me alone? I’ll come downstairs once I’m ready.”
Mom hesitated but then she kissed my cheek. I watched the closed door for a while before I forced myself to get up from the bed and move to the bathroom. My heart beat in my throat when I unpackaged the test.
Fifteen minutes later I stared down at the test in my hands, at the truth that shattered the last shred of hope I’d held. Hope that I could ever find my way back into the Outfit. Hope that I could forget Remo. As if there was a way I could have ever forgotten him. I stared at the two lines on the test.
Pregnant.
With Remo Falcone’s child.
A man of unparalleled cruelty and mercilessness.
The man who’d robbed me of my innocence, of my future … of my heart.
Body and soul.
I own you.
Oh, Remo, if you knew what you gave away …
I set the test down and touched my stomach. It seemed unreal, impossible.
Pregnant.
My heart was a war-torn land: two conflicting emotions battling for dominance, leaving nothing but devastation in their wake. Unbridled happiness that a small human was growing inside of me. A small part of Remo that would always remain with me. And raw fear of the future, of my—of our future. Our world was cruel to women who got pregnant out of wedlock; it was even crueler to children born out of wedlock.
Damned to be called bastards. A child of Remo Falcone couldn’t hope for a kinder name. I’d protect my child, but I wouldn’t always be there to fend off the attacks. It would be strong enough to defend itself, no doubt, but the idea that my baby would have to grow strong out of necessity, because the world forced it into a corner, made me furious. I tried to calm my raging emotions. I was getting ahead of myself. I came from a good family, maybe things would be different for my child, no matter who their father was.
Taking a deep breath, I headed downstairs. My family was gathered in the dining room, and when I entered they all fell silent. Mom. Dad. Valentina. Dante. Samuel. Dante’s kids. Anna, Leonas, my sister Sofia. The room was already decorated for the event, and in the garden a white tent had been set up, which held the dance floor. The caterer would arrive in about two hours, the guests in three. A day of celebration.
Mom motioned at Sofia, Anna, and Leonas. “Out. Go to your rooms for now.” They did, no protests. In passing Sofia gave me a small smile.
I looked at Samuel. He got up, slowly, hesitantly, and our eyes met. His expression fell, turning desperate.
“I’m pregnant.”
Mom covered her mouth with her hand, and Dad closed his eyes. Valentina regarded me with sympathy, and Dante gave a terse nod. No celebrations. No happiness.