Fragile Longing

I froze. “What?”

His eyes became imploring. “I want to make sure your brother keeps a closer eye on you until our wedding, until I can protect you.”

Mortification washed over me. “How much—” My voice cracked.

“I didn’t tell him everything. I said I recognized you the moment you arrived at the party and drove you back immediately. I asked him not to tell anyone.”

I swallowed. Samuel could keep a secret, no doubt, but would he?

“He’s probably still passed out, so I don’t expect him to arrive until noon.”

I barely heard him. I just wanted to curl up and cry.

Danilo leaned closer to me, his voice soothingly gentle. “Sofia—”

The door flew open and Anna stepped in. Her eyes zoomed in on me. She rushed over to me and hugged me tightly. When she pulled back, she scanned my face. “Sofia, what happened?”

I swallowed. Santino entered the kitchen dressed in shorts and nothing else. He glared at Danilo, who returned the look with the same fervor. Tears began to rise into my eyes. Anna noticed, of course, and sank down in the chair beside mine. She narrowed her eyes at Danilo. “What did you do?”

I grabbed her hand, squeezing hard to stop her. She snapped her lips shut, but I could tell that it cost her.

“I need fresh clothes from you,” Danilo said to Santino. “We’re

roughly the same size.”

“Come,” Santino muttered.

Danilo followed him, but before he left the kitchen, he turned and said, “I’ll say goodbye before I leave. Stay out of trouble.”

I said nothing. I wanted to hit him, wanted to rage and scream, but I wasn’t that kind of person. Then he and Santino finally disappeared.

Anna shook me. “Sofia, talk to me!”

“Can we take a walk?” I asked, pushing to my feet.

After grabbing our coats, Anna followed me down to the lake. Neither of us spoke for several minutes as we walked close to the shore. Our breath fogged in the cold morning air. Eventually, I stopped and stared out over the lake.

Anna’s face twisted with worry. “What happened? Did Danilo hurt you?”

How was I supposed to answer that question? Hurt didn’t begin to cover the anguish I felt.

“Sofia, tell me what happened right now, or I’m going to send Santino after Danilo.”

I doubted Santino would do anything, no matter what Anna said. We were all bound by this shared secret now.

So, I told Anna everything, even as my cheeks flamed with shame. I needed to get this off my chest, and there was no one else I could talk to about this.

Anna let me vent, and afterward she wrapped her arms around me. I felt marginally better after getting everything off my chest but still not like myself. But when was the last time I had really been myself? Now wasn’t the time to find my way back to her. I needed to fix myself first, and I would.

I was still sore, and my chest ached in a way I’d only ever felt after Fina had been kidnapped, like my heart had literally been ripped into shreds.

Anna looked like she wanted nothing more than to hunt Danilo down, but she just held me tight, her eyes glassy. “You need to stop, Sofia. You—”

“I know,” I said. Her eyes widened in surprise. Anna had been telling me for years that I needed to stop trying to win over Danilo, to convince him of my worth. But I’d been so eager for his approval, his attention, his validation. I wanted him to see that I was more than a consolation prize, that I was as worthy as Fina had been. I’d changed whenever he’d been around, trying to adapt to his behavior, trying to anticipate his wishes. Trying to be whoever he wanted me to be.

To become who I thought he wanted me to be, I’d lost myself. I’d sold myself short, given up my pride. Thinking of how proud Mom was, I felt ashamed of my actions.

It would stop now. I was a prideful Mione woman, and it was time to act like one. Danilo be damned.

“I think I lost myself.”

“She’s still in there. You just lock her in way too often. Let her out. Before the thing with your sister, people liked you for who you were. Why shouldn’t they do the same now?”

Tears burned in my eyes. “I’m not sure I know who I am anymore. Everything I’ve done these last few years has been to please others. I faded into the background to give Mom and Dad room for their sadness. I never asked Samuel for anything because I didn’t want him to think I was taking Fina’s place. I always adapted to everything around me. I was so stupid.”

“Then stop. It’s been years since Fina left. Everyone’s had enough time to mourn her, to miss her. It’s time to move on, to live in the present. What’s the use in dwelling in the past? You can’t change it.”