Fragile Longing

I nodded. Even if I was ashamed to admit it, I barely missed Fina anymore and often even forgot all about her—until someone reminded me. Usually Samuel, Danilo, or my parents.

I wanted to move on without the baggage of my sister’s memory, but I’d always felt terrible when I’d tried because my family obviously didn’t want the same.

“Be selfish for once, Sofia. In this world, we women get so few choices, so little freedom. We have to grasp happiness by the collar and drag it with us. We can’t hope for happiness to jump into our lap. Be selfish. You deserve it.”

I linked our hands. I wanted to be happy. “Let’s keep walking.”

“Are you sure you don’t need to see a doctor?” Anna asked when I winced.

“I’m sure,” I said firmly.

“Santino could take us to a doctor who wouldn’t have to tell my dad or your dad anything. He knows enough people.”

“I don’t need a doctor,” I repeated. Santino had looked ready to kill someone earlier. I doubted Anna would be able to blackmail him into doing much more, no matter what she had against him. “What I really need is hot chocolate.”

Anna gave me a look. “You want me to get hot chocolate?”

“Yes,” I said with a small smile. “I’m practicing being selfish.”

Anna rolled her eyes but smiled. “Asking me to get hot chocolate after all you went through can’t really be classified as selfish. I think we need to practice more.”

We made our way back to the lodge, and I settled in front of the fireplace, my legs curled up under my body and a fluffy blanket wrapped around me.

“With mini marshmallows,” I called.

Slowly, my smile died. Touching my belly, I thought of everything that had happened yesterday. How I’d expected the day to go when I’d gone over our plan with Anna in the morning and how far it had gone off course. I’d thought last night would end with a big revelation: Danilo realizing I was desirable and that he’d stop looking for a copy of Fina. Instead, it had ended with the realization that I’d given up myself to please someone else, and that whatever person you portrayed it would always be less than what your real self could be.

I’d always considered myself a loyal person, but at the first chance, I’d stabbed myself in the back, ditched my true self for an image I thought I needed to be, and where had it gotten me?

Danilo definitely hadn’t looked as if he suddenly saw my worth. He’d looked guilty, and worse, he pitied me. Of all the things I’d wanted from him, pity wasn’t one of them. But I supposed that’s what I deserved for being such an idiot.

Even if last night had crushed my pride under its cruel boot, even if my actions could ruin me in our society’s eyes, I’d learned a valuable lesson. Danilo wasn’t the knight-in-shining armor I’d thought him to be. He wasn’t the broken-hearted gentleman who sought those blondes to find consolation. Last night, he’d been like a hunter who sought to satisfy his own base needs. Lust, revenge, and whatever else haunted him.

But I was done finding excuses for his actions, done trying to be what he wanted, what he needed, because so far, he’d done nothing to deserve my kindness or affection.

Anna was right. I needed to stand up for myself for the first time in years, not just against Danilo, but also against my family. I needed to make them see that while they’d lost Fina without a choice, they’d willingly given me up.I changed into Santino’s clothes and shaved, then I went in search of Sofia to say goodbye. I needed to return to my lodge before Marco trashed it out of anger.

Of course, that wasn’t the only reason why I was keen to leave the Mione lodge. I needed to get away from Sofia. My mind was a mess, and I needed to figure out what I felt before I saw her again. It had been a while since I’d messed up like this. Hopefully, it would be the last time.

I found Anna and Sofia in the vast living area, drinking hot chocolate in front of the fireplace. I cleared my throat and their heads shot up. Sofia avoided my eyes, but Anna had no problem glaring daggers at me.

“I need to leave. Samuel just texted me to let me know he’s on his way.”

“Okay,” Sofia said.

Anna obviously didn’t intend to give us privacy.

“I’ll come to your birthday party, that way we can discuss any last-minute wedding issues should they arise.”

Sofia nodded. When it became apparent that she wasn’t going to say more, I took my leave. Carlo assured me again that he wouldn’t leave Sofia’s side.

I was about to get into my car when Samuel’s Porsche pulled up. He practically jumped out of the car, no longer in his cowboy costume. He staggered toward me as if he had every intention of killing me.