This Regret

Even though I know she hates when I comfort her, I throw my arm around her anyway and pull her against my chest. “I kind of had a feeling something was going on. You know you and mom are welcome to stay here as long as you want, right? I would never let you stay on the streets, no matter how angry you make me sometimes.” I smile as she pushes her way out of my arms.

“Yeah, yeah, thanks. Now, enough with the mushy crap.” A small smile forms on her lips as she jumps to her feet. “I’m leaving for a bit. Dana is on her way to pick me up.”

I stand up and follow her to the kitchen as she walks over to search through her cute boy bag full of clothes. “Okay, and where are you guys going?”

She tilts her head to the side and looks me in the eye with a smirk. “Okay, mother dearest. Don’t start acting like that now. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself. I’ve been doing it longer than you think.”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I examine her as she picks out a pair of cut off shorts and a white shirt that’s been ripped off at the belly. “Is someone dressing to impress,” I ask teasingly. “More is less you know. You are only fourteen,” I say glancing at her choice of attire.

Her head snaps over in my direction and her face instantly turns a deep shade of red. “No! I’m just hanging out with Dana and Micah. Micah is a player and trust me, I don’t like him.”

Throwing my hands up, I tilt my head and smile. This girl isn’t fooling me. I remember those days when I used to try to impress Kellan. “Alright, girlie. Just try to be back before nine. I don’t want mom worrying. I’m just going to be here relaxing and trying to get my shit together before tomorrow. I can’t believe I agreed to go.” I lean over the counter and slide both of my hands through my hair. “I can’t change my mind now.”

Dropping her clothes on the floor and jumping up on the counter, Zoe lifts both eyebrows giving me her full attention. “Whoa, where is this place that you agreed on going to? You’re not going to the Haze’s Ranch are you?”

Feeling stupid for agreeing myself, I stand straight up and exhale. “Yeah, I am. I’m doing it for Nancy, okay. Kellan’s back and she’s having a rough time. I guess she wants it to feel like old times, I don’t know. I kind of feel like I-“

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” She jumps off the counter landing in front of me with a look of shock on her face. Shit. I guess I kind of forgot to mention the little detail about Kellan showing back up out of nowhere. Oops. “Back that up a bit. Kellan Haze? As in Kade’s brother?” Her voice heightens with a squeak. “I thought he was dead.”

“No one ever said he was dead, okay. It was just a rumor.” Feeling angry, I have to take a second to collect myself before speaking again. “Kellan would have never taken his own life. People didn’t know him like I did. I don’t know where he’s been and trust me, I want so badly to ask. He’s back and maybe that should be good enough . . . for now.” I take a deep breath and turn to face the other way so Zoe can’t see just how shook up I am. The last thing I want to talk about at the moment is him. I exhale for relief and take a second to regroup before facing her again. “Just go and have fun. I’m going to pick out some movies and have a lazy day by myself. Now, go have fun and get out of my hair.” I smile at her playfully at an attempt to lighten the mood.

She rolls her eyes and reaches for her clothes. “Fine. I’ll see you later.”

“Yup! See ya.”

Man, I’m screwed.

Chapter Eleven

Phoenix

With less than an hour left before the party begins, my mind feels as if it’s on speed. A whirlwind of thoughts are blowing through my mind, threatening to break down my sanity and I’m finding it hard to get a grip on reality.

After spending most of the morning and afternoon, might I add, checking my phone in hopes to hear from Kellan, I finally shoved my phone into my purse and hid it inside the oven to keep myself from checking it. Out of sight, out of mind right? Oddly, the oven seemed to be the only rational hiding spot at the time. As I said before, I just can’t seem to think straight when it comes to the sexy bad boy covered in tattoos. He always had a way of leaving me feeling twitterpated. He does something to me I’ve never been able to explain.

“Nope, this won’t do either.” I throw the little red and white strapless dress down on the floor of my closet, as I shuffle through the endless selection of my wardrobe, topping off the huge pile I’ve already formed. For my closest being lined from wall to wall with clothes, I feel like I have nothing to wear. Not only have I gone through my whole closet trying to figure out what to wear today, I’ve also gone through my mother’s clothes as well. I have no idea why I suddenly care so much about my clothing choice. It’s not as if I expect Kellan to actually show up or anything. That would be asking for some kind of miracle. Truthfully, I shouldn’t even be showing up today. If I can't find the courage to visit my brother's grave, a party just seems wrong.

Cursing under my breath, I kick the pile of clothes and shove them to the back of my walk in closet. My foot gets caught on the strap of a dress, almost causing me to trip. I catch myself against the wall before shaking my foot attempting to free it from the dress. I stumble out of the closet, slamming my closet door closed. I turn in the direction of my dresser, yanking open my drawers and pulling everything out piece by piece, throwing it on the floor around me. “I can’t believe I’m actually going through with this.” Tossing the contents of the drawers around me in madness, I finally cave in, burying my face into the palm of my hands. It’s just not right to celebrate today. I can’t do this. Why did I ever let Kade persuade me into going? Part of me knows the real reason. As selfish as it sounds, a part of me hopes Kellan will somehow show up. I don’t care if it’s only for a minute. I just want to see him again as a reminder that him being back is real or maybe just to show me that he hasn’t left again. I’m not quite sure, but my heart wants what it wants.

Pulling myself together, I look in my dresser, realizing it's now empty. I look around the room. It looks like a tornado came through. Shuffling through the items on the floor, I decide on a thin teal shirt that hangs slightly off my right shoulder and a white skirt that settles right below my ass. As hot as it is, everyone should be lucky I’m wearing any clothes at all. That’s my opinion at least. I top off the outfit with my favorite Tony Lama boots before pinning my hair into a loose bun right behind my ear and crawling into my bed. All I want to do is bury myself in the mess of blankets and cozy up in my satin sheets.