This Regret

Without responding to Kellan’s earlier question, I slowly walk down the pathway towards the middle of Adric’s row. I have been coming here for so long, that finding him is no longer a mission. I could walk it in my sleep. I can hear Kellan’s footsteps traipsing through the grass behind me and oddly, it gives me a feeling of peace.

I approach the white marble headstone and a single tear rolls down my cheek as I look at the deep carvings. On the top is a music note because music was his passion. He would play me the guitar whenever I was sad. It always helped to bring a smile to my face. Oh how much I miss that about him.

The headstone reads:

Forever Young

Adric Tyler Winters

Loving son and brother

Forever in our hearts

We will always hear you sing

July 5th 1985 – July 4th 2005

I drop down to my knees and reach out, running my fingers over the carving. My heart feels so heavy just thinking about him being here, six feet under instead of up here with us. I want to break down and cry so bad, but I’m trying with everything in me to hold it together.

I feel the warmth of Kellan’s hand on my shoulder before I feel him kneel down beside me. He pulls a guitar pick from his pocket and lays it on the grave stone. “Hey buddy. I know it's been a long time since I've been to see you and for that I'm sorry. I just want you to know, not a damn day goes by that I don't think of you. You may not be here, but you're never forgotten.” He clears his throat as if he's trying to hold back his own tears.

After a moment, he turns to me. “Remember that time when me and Adric went to that boys house,” he stops to think. “What was his name?”

“Travis,” I say with a small laugh.

“That’s right, Travis. We went to his house and threatened to throw him in the pool for being mean to you because we knew he was so afraid of water. We were holding him above the water and he was squeaking like a little mouse, crying for us to put him down. He told you that he was sorry and that you were the most beautiful girl in the world. Adric finally agreed to let him down. We were never going to throw him in the water anyways. We were only trying to scare him and we did a hell of a good job.” He stops to laugh and I find myself laughing with him at the memory, when he continues. “Come to find out, Adric was just as scared of the deep end as Travis and when he fell in, I had to jump in and save him.”

“Oh my goodness.” I cover my mouth and try so hard not to burst out in laughter. “Poor Adric. I had never seen him so scared in my life. Then he got so embarrassed that you had to save him that he ended up ignoring us for days.”

“Exactly! I remember that day like it was yesterday.” He places his elbow on his knees and turns to face me with a smile. “There was also this one time that I never told you about.” He stops and laughs aloud. “It was the funniest thing I’d ever seen.”

I elbow him in the side, urging him to go on. “Well tell me. Don’t keep me hanging.”

His face turns beet red and suddenly he looks embarrassed. “I don’t know if I can. It’s too embarrassing.”

I position myself in the grass on my butt to get more comfortable. He’s really making me wonder now and I can’t take the anticipation anymore. “Is this something that happened to you or him? You’re pretty red,” I say with a grin. “Are you the one embarrassed?” I nudge him in the side almost causing him to tip over.

He balances himself and grabs my arm pulling me to him so we’re face to face. “When have I ever been embarrassed?” He challenges. “I don’t get embarrassed. I am what I am and I don’t care how foolish I look.”

My smile broadens but I don’t answer him. This makes him even more curious than I am at the moment. “What are you cooking up in that head of yours? You better spill it, girl.”

“I don’t know if I should. I kind of never told you about this.” I blush at the thought and my whole body gets hot. This is a memory that is ingrained in my mind forever. “Maybe I should just keep it a secret. My dark little secret.”

“Oh no you don’t.” He runs his hands along my sides, until his hands are squeezing my hips. “I know how to get it out of you. Are you still ticklish?” he asks with a boyish grin. It’s a grin that I used to love in the past. Seeing it now only makes the memories stronger.

“You wouldn’t dare, Kellan,” I scream. “Don’t!”

He digs his fingers into my hips, ribs, armpits and any other place that he knows I’m ticklish at. Before I know it, I’m on the ground squirming with him on top of me. “I love watching you squirm.” He stops and places his hands on either side of my hips. “Especially with you underneath me.”

I take a deep breath and attempt to catch my breath. If I get tickled too hard, I sometimes laugh so hard I pass out. I won’t let him get me this time. I’m not a dorky kid anymore. “Why, because you have the advantage on a little girl,” I say teasingly. “That’s not fair and you know it. I hate you for doing this to me,” I groan.

He positions himself so that his legs are around me and he’s sitting on his knees, holding my hands above my head. “Hey, it’s not my fault you’re a little girl. I thought you’d be over this tickling stage by now.”

I bring my legs up trying to buck him off, but he leans down and brings his lips under my ear. “I’m strong. A lot stronger than you remember so you might want to give in now,” he breathes, running his lips over my neck, causing me to let out a small moan. “I have a lot of tricks up my sleeve.”

When he tricks me and his fingers end back up in my ribs, I burst out laughing in his face. “Okay! I give up. You win.” I sit up as he releases my arms. “You always win, you jerk wad.”

He smiles and crosses his arms over his chest, but stays sitting on top of me. “I love it when you see it my way.”

“You can get off me now,” I snarl at him. “You’re kind of heavy, you know.”

He scrunches his forehead together and taps his chin as if in deep thought. “Nah, I think I’ll stay here until you tell me this little secret of yours. You know, just to be safe.”

I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face, as I picture the image in my head. “Oh man. This is hilarious.” I turn my head sideways and laugh one last time.