This Regret

“Kade, no. It’s fine. We don’t need a band. It’s not even busy tonight,” I say a little too desperate to protect Kellan. I turn to Kellan but he just walks back out the door without a word.

“Damn you, Kade. Why do you have to be such an ass?”

“It’s just my thing, you know. I was always the ass**le brother and Kellan was always the kind, protective one. Let him be the damn hero again. Are you worried he can't take the heat?”

I shake my head and lean over the bar, covering my mouth with my right hand. When I look up again, I see Kellan walk in with his guitar in hand. Oh, how he looks so sexy with that thing. Too bad, he’s going to embarrass himself. He can’t hold a tune for crap and people don’t just want to see a band to hear them play music. They want to hear them pour their heart and soul into the lyrics as well.

I grab Kellan’s arm as he walks over toward the stage. “Kellan, you don’t have to do this. Kade is just trying to work your nerves. You know that.”

Kellan smiles as if he could care less. “It’s cool. I’ve kind of wanted to play lately anyways.” He grabs my chin and tilts it up. “I see you still worry as much as you used to. Don’t stress over it. You’re too tense.” He leans in and runs his lips over my neck and whispers, “You need a long, deep massage. Playing will help work my fingers first.”

Then he walks away, leaving me standing there on weak legs.

Kade leans over the bar with a cocky smile. “This should be good. Good thing I cleaned my ears today.” He motions me behind the bar with his head. “I could use a little help back here, now that your boyfriends are preoccupied with other things.”

I flash him a dirty look. “Ha! Very funny, dick.” We both smile, although I know his is only because he’s counting on Kellan to make a fool of himself. Not that it really matters. Kellan is never embarrassed. He’s not afraid of who he is or what people think of him. That’s one reason I’ve always been so drawn to him.

Cleaning up the mess, I sneak a peek in Kellan’s direction as he sets up the microphone and stool, turning all the equipment on.

“Kade,” I whisper, looking back at him. He stops what he’s doing to meet my gaze. “I’m sorry about how things went down. What you and I had was just for fun, right?” I ask hopeful. I can’t stand things being so tense between us.

He clenches his jaw and glances over at the stage. “I guess you’ll never know.” He shoves his hands in his pocket and leans his hip against the bar. “The question is, would it have mattered?”

I never stopped to ask myself that before. The question kind of throws me off. “I don’t know,” I whisper. “We’ve always just been friends. I never expected you to kiss me that day or for me to find you naked in my bed, Kade. I don’t know how to answer that.”

He steps closer to me, so his front side is pressed against part of my ass. Then he leans over me and reaches for a lime and whispers, “You liked it. Admit it.”

My eyes linger over to the stage. Kellan is sitting on the stool, messing with the strings on his guitar, but his eyes are zoned in on Kade. I can’t really read his expression, but it doesn’t look good.

I scoot my way across the bar so I’m free from Kade’s body. This causes Kade to laugh. “What? Is Kellan your boyfriend now? Is he going to get jealous if I do this?”

Kade leans in as if he’s about to kiss my neck, but Kellan’s words stop him, causing him to look toward the stage.

“The song I’m about to play,” he pauses, looks up to the ceiling, and points, “Is for you brother. Your memory will live on. Not a day goes by I don’t f**king miss you, my best friend.”

Everyone in the bar goes silent as Kellan begins to strum away at his guitar to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s Simple Man. Even Kade watches intently, knowing how much this song meant to Adric. He used to play it all the time at parties and events around town. Everyone knows it's his signature.

Now Kellan is sitting here in front of me, playing it as if he’s been playing it for as long as he’s been breathing. I swear this man is going to make me cry. First, he played it on the Jukebox, ripping my heart out and now he’s playing it with his own damn hands. Absolutely beautiful is putting it mildly. There are no words to describe the way I’m feeling.

As soon as the lyrics leave his lips, I want to die. A slow painful death, because it has to hurt less than the pain this renders in my heart. I stand here speechless, grasping onto the bar as his voice fills the bar. It’s so beautiful, raw and full of pain. He sings from his heart and you can tell that heart's been beaten to hell and back.

His eyes are closed, his mouth close to the microphone as he sings his heart out, his fingers dominating the guitar. He tilts his head and opens his eyes, seeking me out and his voice gets so deep and gritty, I can feel the emotions as if they’re mine.

My eyes lock with his for a brief moment before his eyes close again and he lifts his foot to rest on the foot railing below him, while his other foot digs into the ground.

I see a shadow from the corner of my eye, as someone takes a seat at the bar, but I can’t seem to peel my eyes away long enough to care. I’m too enthralled with Kellan’s performance to do anything but stare in wonder. I must look like an idiot, but I don’t care. I’m so at peace at the moment, that I could close my eyes and just pretend everything bad in the world never existed.

“Excuse me. May I get a Vodka and Sprite,” a soft voice asks.

I blindly reach for an empty glass not wanting to look away. I feel glass with the tip of my fingers, but when I go to reach for it, it falls to the floor, breaking at my foot. “Dammit!”

“Is someone a little worked up?” the female voice speaks again, sounding surprisingly concerned. “Yeah, this isn’t a good day for me either.”

I finally look up and my eyes land on a very pretty, sweet looking girl with long burgundy hair and green eyes. Her eyes are the most beautiful shade of deep green that I have ever seen; although, they look sad and distant.

I shake my head and force a smile. “I’m sorry. I’m just a little out of it today.” I scoot the pile of glass out of the way with my foot and start fresh. “I’ll get that drink for you now.”

A sad smile spreads across the girl's face as she stands up and reaches for my hand. Her hands are clammy, her touch gentle and caring. “You have his eyes, ya know. The resemblance is amazing.” A tear falls down her face so she quickly turns away, releases my hand and grabs for her purse. “I’ll take a rain check on that drink. I should be going.”