This Regret

"Don't stop, Kellan."

Realizing he hasn't hurt me, he pulls out all the way before slowly pushing his way back in and sucking on my bottom lip. His speed starts out slow and intimate, both of us holding each other as tightly as we can before it slowly picks up, both of us fighting for air as we moan into each other’s mouths. Our bodies continue to glide together, him rocking into me as he slowly kisses me everywhere his mouth can reach, neither of us wanting to let go of the other. He grabs hold of one breast, kissing my nipple. The tip of his tongue slithers through his lips, touching my sensitized nipple. As he swirls his wet tongue in a circle he looks up at me. Him watching me as he does it is the sexiest thing I've ever seen. As he thrusts, I can see his abs tighten. I can't pull my eyes away.

This feeling is better than any feeling in the world. I could lay beneath this man, in his arms forever and be happy. I love him. I love him so f**king much. Too bad I have some questions for him later. I have a feeling they could change everything.

Chapter Twenty-One

Phoenix

I awaken before Kellan does with my face pressed against his warm skin. At least, I think he's still asleep. I pull my head away from his bare chest and lean up to look at his face. His eyes are still closed and the arm he has wrapped around me is so firm, I couldn't get away from him even if I tried. Not that I would. I could lay like this forever.

Again, we spent the whole night naked, making love and talking in between, any attempt to catch our breath. Of course, he kept bringing me food and demanding me to eat to get my energy up. I did so too, knowing that afterward, we would make love again. The night was so beautiful I barely even worried about the pain from my fresh tattoo. He cleaned it for me a few times and placed some kind of tattoo stuff on it to keep it moist. He took care of me just as he did the other night.

Last night was different though. He didn't want to leave my side for a second. He held onto me as if he would never see me again. Something in witnessing that, caused my heart to ache. I was happy he wanted to be close to me, but worried about what that meant for us. I'm still worried, but I have to keep it together long enough to ask him about that night. I can't wait any longer. He could be gone in the blink of an eye and then I'll never know. It's something that has eaten at me for eight years. I need to know. I need that closure.

Looking around the room, my eyes settle on Adric's old guitar. My fingers lightly brush Kellan's chest as I stare at it. I had no idea what happened to that guitar and it scared me. I felt as if I had lost Adric all together and everything he loved. Then when Kellan said he took it after Adric died.

. . . Wait a minute.

He said he took both the guitar and binder after Adric died. How was that possible? He left after that and no one ever saw him again. How did he take his stuff after he died? I mean, I assumed he heard the news traveling around town and left, but the rest makes no sense to me. Why haven't I questioned this before?

I push my way out of Kellan's tight grip and slam my back against the headboard, placing my hand over my mouth. The thoughts racing around in my head is causing me to panic. What the hell hasn't he told me?

Kellan jumps up, when he notices my absence and reaches for my face. "What's wrong? Did someone hurt you?" He looks around the room as if he's afraid someone else is in the room with us. When he sees we're alone he relaxes. "Shit! Don't scare me like that, baby. I thought I was going to have to kill someone. Are you okay?"

I shake my head and take a deep breath. "Kellan, we need to talk." I jump out of bed and reach for Kellan's shirt, pulling it on to cover my naked body. I can't be exposed to him right now. It makes me feel too vulnerable.

Kellan watches me in alarm as he sits up and runs his hands through his hair, gripping it between his fingers. "Phoenix . . ."

My eyes land on Adric's guitar and then back on Kellan. His face turns to stone as he sees the question in my stare. He's definitely hiding something from me. The question is, what? "How did you get Adric's guitar after he died? I never saw you come to the house. No one saw you, Kellan. How did you get it? That and the binder. How did you get them?"

Standing up, he walks over to me and rubs his hands up and down my arms, soothing me. "Calm down please. It's hard to explain. You know I will never lie to you so please don't ask. Just don't. I need you to trust me."

I yank my arms away from his and back away, holding my arm out to keep distance between us. "Calm down? Are you kidding me? I'm tired of being left in the dark about my brother. Don't you dare pull the trust card on me! No, this time I will not stop. Tell me how, Kellan. His guitar was missing as soon as I stepped into that room and saw him lying on the ground. The paramedics said he had not been dead long. It was gone. That means you were there. Did you say it backwards? Did you get the guitar before he died? Please tell me I heard wrong and I'm just confused."

He shakes his head, flares his nostrils and leans his head back in guilt. I want with everything in me not to be mad at him right now, but I can't help it. I have to know. I can't keep it in, bottled up, any longer. "No. I got the guitar, binder and motorcycle after he died." He takes a deep breath and reaches for his jeans, sliding them up over his naked body. "After he died," he repeats.

Talk about mind blowing. I think a nuclear bomb just went off inside my head. What the hell! Reaching behind me to make sure I'm close to the bed, I sit down and grip the silk sheet between my fingers. Maybe there's a perfectly good reason for him being there. There has to be. He would never hurt Adric. I know this.

"Tell me what happened," I demand. "I need to know, Kellan."

I take a deep breath and when I look back up, Kellan is leaning over his dresser, gripping the top with his hands. The veins in his arms and neck throb angrily as a growl sounds in his chest. I've never seen him so upset and this worries me more. "I was supposed to spend the day with Adric," he starts, "But someone asked me to help them move." He grips the dresser tighter before swinging his arm across the top, grunting as he knocks everything off onto the floor. "I knew I should have listened to my gut, dammit. I should have gotten there in time to stop him. He wouldn't wait. I told him to hold on until I got there, but he wouldn't listen. By the time I got there it was too late . . ."

My heart is pounding so loud I can barely make out what he's saying. Wait...what is he saying? I take a deep breath through my nose, exhaling slowly from my mouth. I need to calm down and get the room to stop spinning around me before I pass out. Breathe and repeat, Phoenix.