This Regret

No one had ever made me feel so safe in my life. Not even Adric. That thought scares the shit out of me. Kellan is irreplaceable. I knew it eight years ago and I know it now. He is it for me; the one that can break me or make me. He is the one I’d rather die than to live without. My one and only, and now, he's gone. He's gone forever.

It's getting darker now, and realizing it's probably time to get going, I stand up, but stop when I hear something from across the street. It must be the old man again. My curiosity gets the best of me. Kellan used to spend time watching this old man. It makes me want to watch also.

Surprisingly, I find myself walking over to the edge of the building and peeking down and across the street. The old man is pacing back and forth in the grass, with his hands moving anxiously at his sides as if he's in a panic. He starts to talk so I lean in closer to see what he's saying, while trying my best to keep steady. Suddenly, all my fear is gone, me focusing on this one man below me. The one that has no one; alone.

"I can't, Mary. I can't go yet. I haven't seen her," he cries. "It's not time. It's not time. Stop it. Don’t make me feel guilty. You know I have to see her first."

He looks angry for a second and then drops to his knees with his hands to his chest. "No! Not yet," he chokes out. “Don’t do this to me!”

Oh crap! I think he's having a heart attack. I've never had to help anyone before, so it’s hard to focus through the fear. I fumble with my phone, call 911 and rush down the ladder as quickly as possible while holding my breath. I run across the street while yelling the address into the phone. Once I get face to face with the old man, I drop to my knees in front of him and grab his hand.

"I called 911. They're on the way. Just hold on. They will get you the help you need." Tears stream down my face as the man struggles to look up at me. "Hold on, please."

He looks up at me. That’s when my heart stops. When he reaches out, touches my face and whispers, "Allison. You've come for me." A tear trickles down his wrinkled face and his lips tremble as he speaks as best as he can being short of breath. "My Allison . . . I knew you’d come." He smiles. "I knew I'd see you again." He looks up to the sky. "See, Mary. I told you she’d come. She’s as beautiful as I imagined she would be. Isn’t she, Mary?”

I find my body jerking as my cries spill out, turning to sobs. The man falls into my arms and I catch him, in an attempt to hold him up, but I can't. He's too heavy. "Help me!" I scream. "Someone, please!" My cries come out harder as the man goes completely limp in my arms. His lifeless body falling over, next to us in the grass. "Oh God, no! Please no. Someone . . . anyone! Help!"

I jump to my feet and run across the street, ignoring traffic. The car honks and slams on its brakes as I pass, halting it with my hand. "Tyler! I need you! Please!"

The door to the shop bursts open to Tyler. Without hesitation he runs to me and throws his arms around me. "Are you okay?" He pulls away to look at me and I shake my head. "What's wrong?"

I try to talk, but I can't. All I can do is point.

Tyler notices the man lying in the yard and runs across the street screaming, "Call 911!"

I follow behind him and kneel down beside him. "I already did. They're on the way. I don't think he's breathing."

Tyler grabs his wrist and starts checking for a pulse. "There's a pulse, but it's not very strong."

Red and blue lights come into view as a police car followed by an ambulance pulls up in front of the house.

Tyler and I back out of the way as two men jump out of the ambulance carrying a stretcher.

"What's his condition?" One of the men barks out.

"I think he had a heart attack, but he still has a pulse," I cry. "I don't know. I don't know!" I’m in a full on panic, worried about the old man.

Tyler pulls me into his arms and I watch over his shoulder as they put the old man on the stretcher. I can't watch anymore, so I turn away and squeeze my eyes shut. That poor man was alone, just like Adric had been. No one should have to be alone in their last moments of life. Everyone should have someone.

I drop down to my knees and Tyler drops down with me, rubbing his hands over my hair. "He was alone," I cry. "I should have been there."

I cry, not knowing who I'm crying over. All I know is that I feel broken. I am broken. I’m shattered. I don’t like death. It’s a terrible thing for everyone involved. The ones that have to witness it and the loved ones left behind to cope.

"You did what you could," Tyler soothes me. "It's okay. I got you."

The loud voices around us suddenly die down after about five minutes and someone jumps out of the back of the ambulance and walks over to where Tyler and I are sitting. We both stand up.

The man looks to be in his early twenties, handsome with black hair and blue eyes. He gives me a weak smile and then clears his throat. "Allison, your father didn't make it. His heart finally gave out on him. His cancer has gotten too far out of control and his time was any minute. He stopped forgoing treatment a while ago." He looks at me and my heart stops. "He's been waiting on you for a while. Every time we've come to take him to the hospital, he's always smiled and said he's not going anywhere before seeing his Allison again." A tear runs down the man’s face. "Thanks for coming back. He's been suffering for a long time. It was his time to go home."

I shake my head as he places a necklace in my hands. "He wanted me to give this to you."

I cry so hard I can barely breathe. "No!" I shake my head some more and hold out my hand. "I'm not Allison. Who is Allison? There’s been some kind of mix up."

The man smiles and grabs my shoulder. "Allison was his daughter. She died five years ago in a car accident on the way here, but his dementia was already too far advanced for him to understand. He’s always thought she was still on the way. He's waited all this time to see her again." He looks me in the eye. "You are his Allison now. You gave him what he wanted. You look a lot like her. She was beautiful." He looks as if he's about to break down before he turns away.

It hits me right then and there. Allison was his Kellan. "Was she the love of your life?" I call out to his retreating form.