This Regret

I find myself taking quick steps to get closer to the tree house. My legs are shaking so bad I can hardly keep my balance, but I refuse to give in. Hell, if it involves seeing Kellan, I'd crawl there. Everything around me blurs as my attention focuses on the ladder, still swaying as if someone has just pushed it. My adrenaline pumps as I keep on my mission.

I'm standing right in front of it now. Frozen and unable to make my next move. I feel like a total idiot, but I say it anyways, "Kellan."

I hear movement coming from inside the tree-house and my heart starts beating so rapidly, it feels as if it's going to fly right out of my chest. I want to see who's in there so badly, but I'm scared. I'm so scared of what I may or may not find.

A pair of silver sandals attached to a set of long, tan legs step up to the open door, crushing any hopes of it being who I thought it was. My heart takes a crash landing at my feet, breaking all over again. My eyes trail up to see a baby blue dress plastered to a set of slender curves, leading up to the beautiful face I saw at the bar the other night. Her burgundy hair is pulled into a side braid and her exotic green eyes lock on my gray ones.

A small smile forms on her face when she takes notice of me standing below her. "It's just me," she says sweetly. Her eyes stare into mine as if she's trying to remember something in them. "My name is River Holland, I was . . .um." She pauses to swallow.

"A friend of Adric's," I point out before she can answer. I grab onto the rope suddenly feeling weak. How did she know to come here? We never took anyone here. She must have been really important to him or Kellan. I clear my throat and force a smile. "I remember you from the bar. You ran away."

Taking a seat on the edge of the entryway, she dangles her legs over the side, clutching something in her hand that is hanging around her neck. It's a small silver chain, but I can't see what's dangling from it due to being gripped inside her hand. She stares down at her hand for a moment before reaching up and unhooking it behind her neck, holding it out for me to see. It's a silver guitar pick with Adric's named sketched into it. She places it in my hand and smiles.

I look up at her for a second, confused. Adric was very picky about who got his picks. He cherished each and every last one he used. "What is this?" I ask while bringing my eyes back down to my hand. "I mean . . . I know it's Adric's but..."

"Flip it over," she whispers.

Without hesitation, I flip it over and my eyes widen when I read what's sketched onto the other side. "Adric Winters loves River Holland forever and always. My one true love." I cover my mouth as a sob escapes it. I never knew Adric loved anyone. I never even knew he had a girlfriend. Not once did I think to ask. My heart breaks for her.

"Adric was the love of my life. I loved him with everything in me. He gave that to me the night he told me he loved me. I keep it around my neck so it can be close to my heart." I look up and she smiles, but I see sadness in her eyes, confirming she still misses him more than she'd hoped to. "He was my second boyfriend and so far my only love. I haven't found anyone who even comes close to comparing to him and the way he made me feel. He was special."

I rub my thumb over the guitar pick, feeling sad over something he kept from me. I don't understand why he wouldn't tell me he had a girlfriend. "I don't understand," I say softly. "He never mentioned he had a girlfriend. How come I never met you?"

River grabs onto the rope and climbs down to stand next to me. On her way down, I can see a gray tattoo on the back of her neck. It's a heart fully formed, but full of cracks as if one touch would shatter it to pieces. Above it says, Shattered July 4, 2005 with the death of my beloved. Below the heart says Adric Winters. I gasp as I read it. It's beautiful. It makes me wonder if Kellan is the one that did it. They seemed to know each other. My heart aches. I can't imagine losing the one you love to death. It hurts enough losing Kellan, but at least he's alive somewhere.

"Things weren't as easy as we would have liked. He needed to concentrate on getting his life together and his family's and so did I." She grabs my hand intertwining her fingers with mine. All I can do is stare down at our hands feeling warm and fuzzy inside. "You should have heard the way he talked about you. His little Phoenix. He loved you so much that I always hoped one day I would get to meet you and Zoe and grow to love you guys as my own sisters. I had some family issues that kept me away most of the time. The times that I could sneak out to be with him were tough. It was usually really late and I never wanted him to drag you out with him."

I squeeze her hand and look into her eyes. They look so pained. "Did you guys date for long?"

She smiles at the memory and closes her eyes before continuing. She exhales a breath and laughs softly. "We dated for about six months. It was the happiest six months of my whole life. We even talked about marriage one day when we were free of all the ties that bound us here. There will never be anyone else like him. I will be alone for the rest of my life. I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of trying to be with someone else. The only time that I ever truly felt safe. His arms . . . " She lets go of my hands and hugs herself. "They felt so warm and safe around me. When he held me, I almost believed that everything bad in the world melted away. Have you ever felt that?"

I let out a deep breath and hide my hands behind my back so she can't see how badly they are shaking. I just nod my head.

She smiles as if she knows all the answers. "With Kellan, right?"

My head snaps over in her direction. Why would she even guess him? She'd never seen us together. "How did you know?" I ask, stunned and insanely interested in what she'll say next.

She grabs onto the rope and runs her hands along it, looking totally relaxed with me. "I saw the way you looked at him that night. I also saw the way he looked at you. Adric looked at me the same way. I will never forget that look. When I saw you looking at each other, I stared at you thinking of how much you reminded me of Adric. I couldn't help myself; I had to meet you." She exhales through her mouth and smiles weakly. "I have to say, Kellan is a hard one to hold down. I've seen many girls in the past try and fail. I wasn't around him all the time, but with him being Adric's best friend, we ended up at a lot of parties together. I had never seen him look at anyone the way he looked at you. There was true love in his eyes. You two belong together. Don't let anyone keep you apart."