This Regret

Maybe spending the day with Aiden will be a nice distraction. We did always have fun in the past. The only thing different about today is we won't be a couple. Just friends.

Aiden picks me up around four, but I refuse to let him inside when he comes to the front door. No matter what, this is still Kellan's home. I won't disrespect that by letting ex-boyfriends in. Just the thought of it makes me feel guilty for some odd reason.

He takes me to his house where he has prepared us a home cooked meal of steak, fried potatoes, corn on the cob and macaroni and cheese. I have to admit, the food is damn delicious and I'm actually enjoying his company.

Right now, he's looking at me from across the table with a huge smile, as I shove my cob in my face working on the last few pieces of corn. "I have to admit," he says teasingly, "I always did find it kind of cute when you shoved food in your face as if you were the only person in the room."

I roll my eyes and laugh. I never really thought about it before, but he's right. I must look like a pig when I eat. I set the empty cob down and scoot my plate away. "Is that right? That's actually kind of gross. You have some weird fantasies," I say teasingly and throw my balled up napkin at him.

We both laugh as Aiden stands up to clear the table. I stand up as he reaches for mine and stop him right before he grabs my plate. He brings his eyes down to mine and flashes his perfect smile. "I brought you here as a guest so sit down. Besides, I have a dishwasher. Cleaning up is easy."

"Are you sure?" I'm half way standing, half way sitting while waiting for his confirmation. Somehow, not helping makes me feel bad after all he’s done today. "It's not a big deal. I can help."

He places his hand on my shoulder and gently guides me back to my seat. The thing is, if it were Kellan, he would have been rough and sexy about it. Not Aiden though. He's always just been . . . sweet. "Just relax, beautiful. I'll clean this up and then we can head to the bar. Alright?"

Caving in, I lean into my seat and watch as he clears the table. If it were Kellan, we'd be making love on this table.

Shit! There I go again thinking about Kellan. I swear, it's a curse. I just love hurting myself. When I know, what I should be doing is forgetting . . .

Afterward, Aiden drives us over to the bar and we walk inside to find Jen and Kade working.

Jen smiles at me, looks at Aiden and then pretends to go about her business as we find a seat close to the pool table. I try my best not to make eye contact with Kade, but I can't help but to feel his eyes burning into us.

I look over Aiden's shoulder pleading with Jen to come wait on us before Kade has a chance to. The last thing I need is Kade ruining my mood just as I'm starting to feel better about things.

"So what are you drinking tonight?" Aiden leans his head down to look at my face. He knows my attention is somewhere else and I almost feel bad for not thinking about his feelings when he's been nothing but nice all day.

Seeing that Jen is on her way over, I set my gaze on Aiden and sigh in relief. "Probably just beer for now. I don't want to start out with anything too heavy. It's been a while since I've drank so I'm probably a lightweight."

"Good idea." He beams as Jen walks up beside us smiling.

He jumps to his feet and instantly grabs Jen's arm pulling her in for a hug. Jen stiffens at first, surprised by Aiden's boldness, but then relaxes and hugs him back. I guess she sort of forgot what he was like since he's been gone. He's a damn hugger.

"Aiden. It's . . . ah . . . good to see you," she stammers as they pull apart. "Here with Phoenix." She looks at me questioningly. "What can I get y'all?"

Not noticing Jen's awkwardness, Aiden takes his seat and pulls out his wallet smiling ear to ear. He looks at me waiting for me to place my order first.

"Give me a Miller Lite, Jen. I'm going to take it easy for now." I nod over at Kade who is watching us with an evil grin now. "No shots. I’m not here to get drunk."

"I'll take the same," Aiden confirms. "Just bring me two to save you a trip. I'm pretty thirsty tonight."

Nodding, Jen walks away to grab our drinks.

Eying the pool table behind me, Aiden stands up and grabs my hand. "How about a game of pool? Remember those days?" He looks at me with a smirk.

Of course, I remember those days. The person that wins gets to kiss the other person wherever they want to, no questions asked. I'm not trying to play that kind of pool.

I nod my head, reaching for the beer I desperately need at the moment. I smile at Jen. “Thanks, love." Then I turn back to Aiden. "I don't think that's a good idea." I shake my head and take a gulp of my beer. "In fact, it's a horrible idea."

Ignoring my rejection, he pulls me over to the pool table with a smile. "Just relax. Maybe you will change your mind by the time we get to the end."

"This is supposed to be just as friends," I remind him as he racks the balls.

He laughs but doesn't turn to look at me. I watch the back of his head and take another gulp of my beer. For some reason, even though Kellan is gone, the thought of kissing another man makes me feel sick to my stomach. I don't want another man’s lips to taint where Kellan's has been. I like knowing that I can hold on to a piece of him knowing he was the last to touch me there amongst other places.

He hands me a cue stick and leans against the table with a smile that says he’s sure of himself. He used to have a way with me. Not now. I won't cave in to him this time. Even if he does look good with his dark fitted jeans, blue shirt and baseball cap. He's very attractive in a clean and preppy kind of way. His skin is too flawless for me. I used to think that was what I wanted; what I needed to be happy because he was so different from Adric and Kellan. I was wrong.

I want Kellan's rough, sexy edge. I want his dark interior and mysterious exterior. I want someone that can take me for a ride into the unknown. I want someone that can keep me on my toes; handle me as if I'm anything but breakable. I guess deep down, I need his bad boy persona. After staring at the beauty of his art, I crave it.

"You break," he says. "You were always good at that."

"If by good, you mean sucked. Then yes. I am good at breaking balls." I laugh at myself and position myself to break the balls. Too bad I might be breaking his balls tonight as well.